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Old 04-12-2011, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
8,450 posts, read 14,369,330 times
Reputation: 10698

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
In your case you feel they should have split? Sounds like a borderline situation that may have been less stressfull with a split. My parent were more like simblings, there was no underlying anger at all, no arguing and there was always a kiss on the cheek when my dad went off to work. Maybe not passionate but no anger and absolutely no abuse. I am very glad they stayed together as long as they did! I'm sure their relationship affected my outlook and my lack of interest in marriage. If the relationship doesnt knock my socks now or 5 years down the line I'm not getting married or having a SO.
Yes, they should have split. No one should be consistently unhappy in their relationship. It shows and it affects all other areas of your life. It affected me and my sister in our relationships too.

This is just a statement of fact and I'm not making a judgement here. My sister is a lesbian and never had any children. I never had any kids either and was in a long term marriage with a man who didn't care for me. It took me a lifetime to figure out what love was supposed to be. And love wasn't the quiet anger and resentment my parents had. Why didn't either of us have kids? My best guess is we felt that having children could trap us for life in a bad relationship.
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Old 04-12-2011, 11:47 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
4,100 posts, read 3,208,121 times
Reputation: 5497
I know of a couple who has two daughters and one son. The husband treated his wife very poorly, the wife kept a smile on her face and from all outward appearances everything was fine in the marriage. The two daughters grew up to treat their husbands poorly and make sure they 'wore the pants in the family'. These two girls had tried unsuccessfully to get their Mother to file for divorce but she wouldn't. The marriage of both daughters is falling apart, both of their husbands plan on walking out as soon as the youngest child in each family graduates from high school. The kids in both of these families knows the parents are unhappy. It all started from the grand parents and the grand father being a jerk. His attitude affected both daughters almost in the same way. This effect wasn't noticed until both girls got out of the home and got married.
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:39 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,233,953 times
Reputation: 7951
I agree with LM, if they resent one another and have lost all respect, they should call it a day. faking it only lasts so long, and I firmly believe that one has to be a happy person in order to be a happy and capable parent.

I have met people who stay in their marriages, are great friends and have accepted that the marriage is no more but are willing to co-parent in the same home. Some of them even date outside the home. I say go for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Floyd View Post
C and A, a same sex couple, adopted an infant boy several years ago. Their inner circle reacted in a mixed fashion. Most of the same sex couples saw no issues. A few hetero couples wondered "where will the feminine influence come from?" Others wondered "Who will teach him the manly things?"

These are legitimate concerns in a perfect world. However, to date, the child is flourishing in a home with two loving and devoted parents. Those qualities appear to trump any lack of convention.
Well said.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,142 posts, read 57,055,127 times
Reputation: 38374
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I agree with LM, if they resent one another and have lost all respect, they should call it a day. faking it only lasts so long, and I firmly believe that one has to be a happy person in order to be a happy and capable parent.

I have met people who stay in their marriages, are great friends and have accepted that the marriage is no more but are willing to co-parent in the same home. Some of them even date outside the home. I say go for it.



Well said.
Thanks

When a kid witnesses one parent having contempt or lack of respect for the other parent, they internalize that and take it personally.

Many parents haven't learned this, unfortunately, and they unintenionally damage their childs self esteem and self worth.

Parents need to remember that their spouse, as much as they may detest them or dispise them, makes up HALF of their childs genes.

A kid seeing you angry or hating on the other parent believes on some gut level you are feeling that way toward THEM too. Far better to separate and spare the kids from witnessing such damaging behavior.
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