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Old 04-09-2011, 12:08 PM
 
5,548 posts, read 4,697,494 times
Reputation: 2658
Leave. It is only a matter of time before he starts throwing things at you and worse. If you need to talk to someone about this, call the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline. They have trained counselors who can walk you through things.
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Old 04-09-2011, 04:46 PM
 
5,523 posts, read 4,193,562 times
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AGREE w/mistygrl......time to focus on a plan to leave safely, with cash, somewhere safe to go and someone you trust to help.....

the abuser does not change behavior, it escalates over time.





Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
Leave. It is only a matter of time before he starts throwing things at you and worse. If you need to talk to someone about this, call the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline. They have trained counselors who can walk you through things.
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:57 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,395,844 times
Reputation: 21537
Quote:
Originally Posted by mary1986 View Post
So many people in thie thread fail to see that i said 2 yrs ago het hit me he has been in therpy he has not hit me Since ,nor cheated yet people in here are ignoring that.Im saying what should you do when he throws things?
A tiger can't change his stripes. He already knows you're going to stick around even if he hits you or cheats on you.

Why do you think he throws things? It's intimidating to you, it keeps you scared of what he might do next.
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:10 PM
 
5,548 posts, read 4,697,494 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
A tiger can't change his stripes. He already knows you're going to stick around even if he hits you or cheats on you.

Why do you think he throws things? It's intimidating to you, it keeps you scared of what he might do next.
No, he will do this next. Maybe not today, next week, next month, this year, but he WILL throw it at her at some point.

I was in a similar situation. A guy I was involved with threw a heavy object at something and I knew I was next. Due to extraneous circumstances (and of course many rationalizations), I stayed for more than three years. Ultimately, I could not take it anymore. It's over.

He really messed me up. I know if I'd stayed it would have been much worse. The OP (I am guessing) is young and there is time to still get out and have a full life. I recently attended a group for women who have been/are still in those types of relationships. One woman was 75 years old still putting up with it! What a waste of a life!
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:16 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 5,389,631 times
Reputation: 12340
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrensmooth View Post
hate to be negative, but I dont think abusers stop abusing (look at Chris Brown's supposed 'recovery' from being abusive), get out while you can
Abusers can change but it's rare.

To the OP: If he's been abusive, you need to get out. Throwing things is also a major red flag cause it can turn into throwing things at you which can go right back to just plain old hitting you.

Even if he changes, that shouldn't be your concern. Your primary concern is getting out. Trust me.

It's the best decision I ever made. And it's because I left my ex changed and ended her abusive ways.
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:18 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 5,389,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
AGREE w/mistygrl......time to focus on a plan to leave safely, with cash, somewhere safe to go and someone you trust to help.....

the abuser does not change behavior, it escalates over time.
Exactly, and you staying encourages things to go in that direction. You leaving is a precursor to them changing for the better, if they ever do. As long as you stay, they will remain in their current pattern and things will build up. The first step for change, both for you and him, is you being out of his life.
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:20 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 5,389,631 times
Reputation: 12340
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
No, he will do this next. Maybe not today, next week, next month, this year, but he WILL throw it at her at some point.

I was in a similar situation. A guy I was involved with threw a heavy object at something and I knew I was next. Due to extraneous circumstances (and of course many rationalizations), I stayed for more than three years. Ultimately, I could not take it anymore. It's over.

He really messed me up. I know if I'd stayed it would have been much worse. The OP (I am guessing) is young and there is time to still get out and have a full life. I recently attended a group for women who have been/are still in those types of relationships. One woman was 75 years old still putting up with it! What a waste of a life!
Same here. Almost losing a finger and going deaf from the blows to my head wasn't even enough for me to get out of there. The only thing that got me out of there is when she hit our roommate who's twice her size. That's when I realized how messed up it all was. I had to be on the outside looking into to realize the absurdity of the whole situation.

But now she isn't abusive at all. In fact she's become a wonderful person. She has made a complete 180-degree turn. We talk on the phone every day. We talk about evolving and wanting to do good things. She hasn't hit or had the desire to hit anyone. And all of this couldn't have happened if I didn't leave first.
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Old 04-09-2011, 11:58 PM
 
16,049 posts, read 7,934,466 times
Reputation: 11496
Quote:
Originally Posted by mary1986 View Post
So many people in thie thread fail to see that i said 2 yrs ago het hit me he has been in therpy he has not hit me Since ,nor cheated yet people in here are ignoring that.Im saying what should you do when he throws things?
no I have fine reading comprehension, and I read your entire post just fine. The problem is, is that he's now taking his anger out on other things that aren't you. If he continues to do this, he'll eventually hit you instead of throwing that vase you loved so much, or that picture that was so important to you.

You need to seek help. You need to seek some therapy and/or talk to people who have been in abusive relationships such as yours, see how similar there stories are to yours.
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Old 04-10-2011, 04:24 AM
 
Location: Hoyvík, Faroe Islands
378 posts, read 312,130 times
Reputation: 153
I wonder if she took anything we said to heart.
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Old 04-10-2011, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Hollywood, CA
840 posts, read 688,270 times
Reputation: 1557
I would think of seperating. Apparently things aren't going well if he is cheating and being abusive.

Last edited by behindthescreen; 04-10-2011 at 05:08 AM..
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