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I have had time by myself for a long time and I did go to therapy about my Dad. I forgave my Dad years ago for what he did and I don't think about it normally. When someone is rough with me in bed I think they are disrespecting me..that's what goes through my brain. I only link it to my Dad because I think that must be the cause of why I feel like this. Because a man I trusted and loved used me for his own pleasure.
I also believe when I tell someone that I am uncomfortable or scared about a situation whether it be sexual or not and they continue doing it, it is disrespecting me and I believe that's what he is doing to you.
Now, I might be wrong, but didn't you tell him before you went to bed with him and then after he started becoming dominated in bed that you were uncomfortable and scared by it?
I also believe when I tell someone that I am uncomfortable or scared about a situation whether it be sexual or not and they continue doing it, it is disrespecting me and I believe that's what he is doing to you.
Now, I might be wrong, but didn't you tell him before you went to bed with him and then after he started becoming dominated in bed that you were uncomfortable and scared by it?
I told him previously that he was a bit rough with me during sex sometimes, but it was nothing to cause me great concern, I just thought he was a bit enthusiastic.
The morning he pinned me down I said I was so tired I couldn't open my eyes and he started trying to get me in the mood. I told him I wasn't in the mood. He tried to kiss me and I said no. Then he pinned me down.
I did have a 'romantic' bath with him, but when he started hovering over me I thought he was trying to initiate things again. I haven't had sex with him since. It happened 3 days ago. I talked to him tonight about it but I haven't made any plans to see him again.
I told him previously that he was a bit rough with me during sex sometimes, but it was nothing to cause me great concern, I just thought he was a bit enthusiastic.
The morning he pinned me down I said I was so tired I couldn't open my eyes and he started trying to get me in the mood. I told him I wasn't in the mood. He tried to kiss me and I said no. Then he pinned me down.
I did have a 'romantic' bath with him, but when he started hovering over me I thought he was trying to initiate things again. I haven't had sex with him since. It happened 3 days ago. I talked to him tonight about it but I haven't made any plans to see him again.
Yeah, seems like he doesn't know the meaning of no. You can't force someone to kiss or have sex with you.
I don't know what to tell you other then you have to go with how you feel and your gut feelings.
My gut feelings tell me he isn't right for me. When I spoke to him it felt like he was trying to get me to split up with him. He said "if you;re scared of me and think I'm a bully then there's no love and no trust so you've got your answer, that's not a relationship"
But this isn't what I said. I said WHAT HE DID made me scared and I never called him a bully. Is this manipulation and trying to make me feel bad?
My gut feelings tell me he isn't right for me. When I spoke to him it felt like he was trying to get me to split up with him. He said "if you;re scared of me and think I'm a bully then there's no love and no trust so you've got your answer, that's not a relationship"
But this isn't what I said. I said WHAT HE DID made me scared and I never called him a bully. Is this manipulation and trying to make me feel bad?
Just listen to your gut. It's telling you everything you need to know.
OP, I will echo those posters who said that it sounds that you are just incompatible. I don't know...but from original post it sounds that he is being forceful as part of a role playing only. Part of a role playing is when a submissive party says "stop" and the domineering party gets rough and continues.
The problem is there should be a mutual understanding that there is a role playing going on and both parties should equally enjoy it. Since you don't seem to be on board with this and he doesn't seem to like the fact that you are not on board, you both should part ways and find someone who will be more compatible to you.
Not all men like to be masters in bed, some men prefer gentle sex with both parties being even in their power.
My gut feelings tell me he isn't right for me. When I spoke to him it felt like he was trying to get me to split up with him. He said "if you;re scared of me and think I'm a bully then there's no love and no trust so you've got your answer, that's not a relationship"
But this isn't what I said. I said WHAT HE DID made me scared and I never called him a bully. Is this manipulation and trying to make me feel bad?
Just like Marlow said, your gut feeling is telling you what to do. He's a manipulator and he's twisting your words around to make you the bad guy. Pull the plug and don't go out with him again. There's plenty of good, gentle men out there.
I told him previously that he was a bit rough with me during sex sometimes, but it was nothing to cause me great concern, I just thought he was a bit enthusiastic.
The morning he pinned me down I said I was so tired I couldn't open my eyes and he started trying to get me in the mood. I told him I wasn't in the mood. He tried to kiss me and I said no. Then he pinned me down.
I did have a 'romantic' bath with him, but when he started hovering over me I thought he was trying to initiate things again. I haven't had sex with him since. It happened 3 days ago. I talked to him tonight about it but I haven't made any plans to see him again.
A lot of men will try to get you in the mood when you initially say "no". They think if they could just get you turned on, you will change your mind. However, there should be a point when enough is enough. He doesn't seem to be getting that.
I don't think he is a rapist, but pinning someone down against their will is a preclusion to being raped. I panicked because I wasn't sure what he was going to do. When he told me to shut up he shocked me as he hadn't spoken to me like that before and he had me completely under his control, I couldn't move at all. We have discussed sex and I have told him before sometimes I think he is a bit rough in bed with me. I have never agreed to dominant/submissive and I can't think how I have given him the impression that I want to be pinned down!!
The minute a man put me in this position would be the second before I let him know in no uncertain terms that "Homey don't play that"
Even if his behavior is "normal" for him, it's not normal for you and I'd be looking elsewhere for a new man myself.
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