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My boyfriend has been in school now for about 6 years straight and has graduated with a degree and is in the process of getting his diploma. Since then he has not travelled and has complained that he really wants to go somewhere but wants me to go with him.
I can't leave my work since I just started it don't have vacation pay until next year. I encouraged him to go with his best friend and he agreed.
I did not make a big deal about it and simply told him I am so happy that he is going on vacation because I believe he deserves it after all that hard work and I also think of his routine of going to school and work might make him feel bored and he might need a bit of fun.
I am a believer of grabbing opportunities when you can. I have told him before that I have always wanted to travel with one my girlfriends for a week in a foreign country and I think he should take this time to just have fun (by fun I mean going out with his buddy to the bar, rock climbing , sight seeing etc..).
Yesterday he has expressed how surprised he is at how I don't care that he is leaving for a week and how I tell him he should have fun and not worry about me. I really mean it. I will be right here when he gets back. He keeps mentioning how he does not understand how I just don't make it a big deal especially since he wanted to go with me in the first place.
I told him I am not possessive of him and that I trust him and its his chance to really enjoy himself in a positive way and have that time to himself and with his friend. Am I blind? I think that he wants me to care a lot more but I can't. He is free to do what he wants within reason and I see no harm in him travelling. Can somebody please tell me if I am supposed to be a psychotic possessive gf in this case... or does my carefree nature in allowing him to exercise his right sound too crazy?
Sounds reasonable to me. Wouldn't bother me at all.
He worked for 6 years to finish school. A week off with a friend is no big deal. It's not your fault or his that you don't have a vacation time available and once he starts working, it will be a year before he has any too. I would just suggest we plan a trip during the first available time we could take vacation together.
I can't understand why he would feel the way he does. Most men would be happy their girl friend is not so possessive. Be glad he is not insisting that you go on vacation with him. I think you are using good judgment.
I can't understand why he would feel the way he does. Most men would be happy their girl friend is not so possessive. Be glad he is not insisting that you go on vacation with him. I think you are using good judgment.
maybe he is waiting for the other shoe to fall, like he thinks its a trap
It's wonderful he would enjoy having you travel with him; however, that being said, his reaction to you not being able to go, and his reaction at your telling him to have a wonderful time is not right.
His attitude demonstrates insecurity. Has he shown any jealous or possessive characteristics during the time you've been with him?
Couples should enjoy being together; but should also be able to enjoy spending time apart without either party feeling rejected, or that the relationship is threatened.
I certainly don't think you're crazy, and as far as to what degree you care for him...it is either there or it isn't, you can't force feelings.
This is an excellent opportunity - for both of you - to understand what you have, and if it will work. That's what dating is for.
I don't know. People are weird if you don't act crazy possessive. My ex used to get questions all the time about why I 'let' her go to the bar by herself...oh, I dunno, because she is a grown adult and I don't feel like going?
He has told me that he is concerned I would take this time to reconsider being in the relationship. We live together and I guess he thinks if he is not around I might want to leave him or consider being along for a while. I can understand where he is coming from but his reaction is not warranted. I have expressed this to him but the his thoughts seem to still linger there.
seems like hes more concerned about you leaving him then being sad that your not sharing the experience with him. It stems from insecurity, he probably sees you as an attractive girl, and is scared about it. All guys have such feelings but when its overboard it needs to be addressed. Just reassure him that your with him and love him and never had and never will cheat on him while u are together. Reassure him so he doesnt feel jealous.
The only thing that would worry me in this situation is that his reaction if you were going on a trip would probably be similar to what he thought yours would be for his going. But you have set the standard maybe and though he may never be as mellow about it as you are, he may be more forgiving of it than he would have been otherwise. And, let's keep in mind that people often do plan trips to reconsider the relationship they're in and maybe he's concerned that it will be one of those deals. Anyway, good on you--my ex would have had a fit if I'd gone on a trip w/o him.
Sounds like he might be insecure and would not grant you the same opportunity. Then again, he might be listening too much to what his friends say. Men are terrible for putting ideas in each other's heads. Women are evil ya know.
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