Do you tell your SO other people's secrets? (married, woman, husband)

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by max's mama

Thank you...When I told her about this, she acted like I'm cheating my husband out of some information and not being completely honest with him. Her response to me was: "Well, I tell him EVERYTHING, we just have a very honest and open relationship"...

Oh please People like her who say that are just inflating their own egos and a false sense of self importance.

[blondiel]

When my friends confide in me, it is sealed. They know that they don't need to ask me not to repeat what they tell me.

[LS Jaun]

MM is right on. There's a reason big mouthed people are always held in low esteem. Fortunately, you usually find out quickly which friends can keep truly confident material to theirselves. In my group we have identified the guys and I use that term loosely that share all information with their spouses or girlfriends. It has come back to bite them more than once!

Originally Posted by blondiel

When my friends confide in me, it is sealed. They know that they don't need to ask me not to repeat what they tell me.

Thats the problem, you can't tell who knows the friend rules and who will open there mouth about things that should be left unsaid.

[cpg35223]

I have told my wife, "I can't tell you that. I gave my word." That's enough for her.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

I have told my wife, "I can't tell you that. I gave my word." That's enough for her.

Yeah, same here.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by LS Jaun

MM is right on. There's a reason big mouthed people are always held in low esteem. Fortunately, you usually find out quickly which friends can keep truly confident material to theirselves. In my group we have identified the guys and I use that term loosely that share all information with their spouses or girlfriends. It has come back to bite them more than once!


Thats the problem, you can't tell who knows the friend rules and who will open there mouth about things that should be left unsaid.

I guess it comes from the experience you have with that friend. If suddenly all your secrets are spilled out, you know his wife (or husband) is doing it.

Originally Posted by blondiel

When my friends confide in me, it is sealed. They know that they don't need to ask me not to repeat what they tell me.

Originally Posted by suedonym

depending on what it is, yes, i tell him.

if its something truly personal, or that may affect his opinion of her, than no.

OR... if she specifically ASKS me NOT to tell. She knows that a lot of things i will tell him, so when she has something she truly doesnt want him to know, all she has to do is tell me and she knows i wont tell ANYONE...

Sometimes there IS a gray area, when a person doesn't seem to be too concerned if someone else knows, then I might share it with my husband. Some friends had told me: "You can tell your husband, but don't tell anyone else" and I think those are the people that automatically expect me to say something to my husband, because that's what THEY do.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

I have told my wife, "I can't tell you that. I gave my word." That's enough for her.

I think it's great that you are a man of your word and I think it's even greater that your wife respects your decision and doesn't prive.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by max's mama

I think it's great that you are a man of your word and I think it's even greater that your wife respects your decision and doesn't prive.

Well, thanks. But your word is ultimately all you've got in life. If you promise to never tell another soul, then there has to be a really, really good reason to divulge. Such as a life in danger.

[Dewdrop93]

Originally Posted by miyu

I tell my husband everything and my friends know that. So if they want me to keep something from my husband they'd have to tell me that first. To which I would probably say no, I don't keep secrets that well. Then they have the option of not telling me their secret, which is fine by me!

I'm the same way. In fact - most of the time, when my friends tell me something in confidence and ask me not to tell anyone - they say, except for your husband, of course. And I pretty much assume that whatever I tell them in confidence will only be shared with their husbands as well. If they tell me specifically not to tell my husband, I won't. But my friends also know that my husband would never open his mouth about anything. He probably doesn't even remember half of what I tell him anyway!

[lucknow]

It's a touchy subject with me. I would not like to promise a person I would keep a secret if it would impact badly on some one elses life. When a person wants to tell me something in confedence I ask them, is this something you think I can help you with? If it's not then I ask, then why do you want to share this secret with me? If there is no good reason I tell them to tell some one else. I actually had quite a problem with this and my kids. "Dad, dad, I want to tell you something but you can't tell anyone, especially mom". Well, of course I wanted to know what they had to say but I would not promise not to tell their mother. I always said, "Trust me to be able to know if this is something your mother must hear about." One 17 year old daughter was telling me she was pregnant and I was supposed to keep that to myself. I told her the sooner she told her mother the better and she said,"maybe you should tell her". I told my wife about a half hour later and everything worked out well.

People have many different reasons for sharing secrets and sometimes their reasons are not very honourable. I have found at times that often it's sort of an underhanded ploy to make you part of whatever wrong they are involved in. You can in essence become as guilty as they are if this secret involves harm to some other party. If some one knows you well enough to tell you secrets they should know you well enough to realize you won't use that information in such a way to hurt them or cause them pain but they also have to realize that under certain curcumstances you may feel obligated to tell someone.