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Old 04-18-2011, 10:25 AM
 
4,977 posts, read 2,652,298 times
Reputation: 2504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
My girlfriend found out today in divorce court, she's paying ailmony. She has to give him her car as well. She said, she was sick. He's sitting there with a huge smile in delight. The court said, to keep him in a lifestyle he has grown accustom.



What do you think?



Me first.

I think men and women should pay alimony. I don't think anyone should pay, if there aren't any children involved. If a person stay home and raise the kids, then yes he/she is owed something. Pay for their tuition...something.







I'm looking for your input, onihC!


Hello Childfree35

I am with you. It is his and her kid, so why would he had to just sit nice and comfy and receive a check, keep her car, etc. Why not share expenses equally, take turns with the kid, etc. It is rare for a man to get custody, receive a paycheck from the ex wife, keep something of value that was her’s, etc. I normally hear of things being the other way around where the man doesn’t have the custody, gets to send her a monthly paycheck, pay her some alimony, he gets kicked out of the house, etc.



Not sure if the law is as harsh with women on this kind of cases where she can get thrown in jail for failing to send him a paycheck on time. Is there a way the guy is checked and made sure that the money he receives from her is spent on the child 100%? I always find it a bit unfair how men are thrown to jail if they fail to send her money on time but nobody checks to see that mothers are really spending the money on the kid 100% and not on her nails, a girls’ night out, her favorite brand bag, etc. Well, in this case, wouldn’t it be upsetting if the guy was spending the money he gets from her with his buddies to watch the game, etc.?



Quote:
Originally Posted by round4 View Post
I see you guys keep bangin your heads over this stay at home stuff, both parties enter into knowing the risk...Guys...the law falls on the stay at home side 99 percent of the time. Everyone knows that...is it fair? Heck yea, in my opinion, the person staying home, has cooked, cleaned, raised children, virtually putting their lives on hold for their family


Yes, the law falls on the women 99%. Can’t deny that family court, divorce court, etc. favors women most of the time, if not all. Women cooking a meal or two, doing some house chores, etc. are good, someone gotta do it, right? But people see a guy’s job as something that requires no effort whatsoever. As if things were free or cheap. Someone has to pay phone bills, cable, internet, mortgage, elec/water/gas bills, furniture, appliances, cars, car insurance, med insurance, house insurance, her necessities, food, etc. Still, nobody seems to value that.



What if it was the guy who stayed at home?



If a woman cheats, she still gets all the women divorce benefits, right?



As for the man taking care of her ex, handing her the house, car, monthly check, alimony, etc. because she worked hard fixing him a meal or two, washing some dishes, etc. While he worked to pay for every bill, her necessities, roof, etc. Shouldn’t it be one thing for the other? We’re forgetting that while she did some things at home, he did other things TO HAVE A HOME, commodities, luxuries, transportation, etc. Someone had to work as well provide her with all those things just like she had to work to fix a meal or two.

If we are going to say "But who's going to help her get back on her feet?" shouldn't we also ask who will fix him a sammich after they get divorced? How about having the ex husband continue to provide to her while she continues to fix him a meal or two and once she can take care of her own, then both really go separate ways?

Last edited by onihC; 04-18-2011 at 10:57 AM..

 
Old 04-18-2011, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
10,893 posts, read 10,634,731 times
Reputation: 10902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
The only way I would ask for it is if I made sacrifices in my own career to enhance his, which I, probably wouldn't do because I believe both parents need to protect their ability to support the children because you never know when you might be called upon to use it.

I don't think he'd owe me for staying home, after our marriage ended, any more than I think I would have owed him if we'd divorced during the time he was trying to start his business and I was supporting us. Adults know the risks they take and they accept the consequences. My supporting him for several years while he tried to start a business is in no way to be taken as a contract to continue to do so after the marriage ends.
Its the same thing. A stay at home parent is making a sacrifice in their career to enhance the other spouse. The employed spouse would still be making house payments, have utilities, etc. You are not being compensated for staying home, you are being compensated for your deficit in earning potential because of your career sacrifices to raise children and run the home allowing the other spouse the freedom to enhance their own career.

Half the assets and child support in the average divorce still leaves the custodial non working parent at a disadvantage. Both parties are automatically living at a lower standard, but the employed spouse still has a means of support where the unemployed spouse may need a little time to get to the point of self sufficiency.
 
Old 04-18-2011, 11:20 AM
 
1,646 posts, read 1,211,156 times
Reputation: 853
Seriously, a woman who will undermine her own career for a man (or kids) these days is shooting herself on the foot (or a man)

I do not agree with alimony either way. And I also would never put a man (or a family ) in front of my career. That is just plain not smart.
 
Old 04-18-2011, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,003,603 times
Reputation: 1539
I never said one party is always right, if you'll go back and read my post on this, I stated it should be based on who ask for the divorce, who stayed at home and why they want a divorce.

If a man chose to stay at home and do all the home stuff, and the woman made the bread and decided yea, she's sick of him she wants out and cheats...then yes, he deserves to get everything he can. M or F.. don't like a cheater and If I could afford it and were a lawyer I'd represent cheated on people pro bono!!!!
 
Old 04-18-2011, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
10,893 posts, read 10,634,731 times
Reputation: 10902
Quote:
It is rare for a man to get custody, receive a paycheck from the ex wife, keep something of value that was herís, etc. I normally hear of things being the other way around where the man doesnít have the custody, gets to send her a monthly paycheck, pay her some alimony, he gets kicked out of the house, etc.
Because it is rare that the father is the primary caretaker of the children during the marriage and it is rare that fathers ask for full custody. The non custodial parent pays child support, he does not send her a monthy paycheck. Usually the custodial parent is allowed to stay in the house, but 1/2 equity is required.


Quote:
Not sure if the law is as harsh with women on this kind of cases where she can get thrown in jail for failing to send him a paycheck on time.
Absolutly. The law is written the same for male, female, black, white, etc.


Quote:
Yes, the law falls on the women 99%. Canít deny that family court, divorce court, etc. favors women most of the time, if not all.
Women cooking a meal or two, doing some house chores, etc. are good, someone gotta do it, right? But people see a guyís job as something that requires no effort whatsoever. As if things were free or cheap. Someone has to pay phone bills, cable, internet, mortgage, elec/water/gas bills, furniture, appliances, cars, car insurance, med insurance, house insurance, her necessities, food, etc. Still, nobody seems to value that.

What if it was the guy who stayed at home?
Again, the law is applied the same, dosent matter which gender works or stays home. As far as what is valued more, I wouldnt try to determine what everyone thinks.


Quote:
If a woman cheats, she still gets all the women divorce benefits, right?
First of all, there are no women divorce benefits, right? Secondly, most states are no-fault so cheating isnt usually considered although it may sway in the seperation of assests, etc. against the cheating spouse.


Quote:
As for the man taking care of her ex, handing her the house, car, monthly check, alimony, etc. because she worked hard fixing him a meal or two, washing some dishes, etc. While he worked to pay for every bill, her necessities, roof, etc. Shouldnít it be one thing for the other? Weíre forgetting that while she did some things at home, he did other things TO HAVE A HOME, commodities, luxuries, transportation, etc. Someone had to work as well provide her with all those things just like she had to work to fix a meal or two.
How many times does it have to be explained. Divorced is based on equitable divisions of assets and debts. Child support is based on income and the money is to help support the children. In most states alimony is limited, only offered after and extended number of years and normally awarded in the case of income disparancy.
Quote:

If we are going to say "But who's going to help her get back on her feet?" shouldn't we also ask who will fix him a sammich after they get divorced? How about having the ex husband continue to provide to her while she continues to fix him a meal or two and once she can take care of her own, then both really go separate ways?
The point is, if she/he sacrificed their ability to secure income and became accustom to food and shelter he/she is compensated temparily to get themself up to par and self sufficient. It has nothing to do with sammiches. During my divorce my ex was unemployed. If we had made it to the 10yr. mark, he could have asked and been awarded alimony until he secured a job because I was making the money and he never made me even one dang sammich.
 
Old 04-18-2011, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,003,603 times
Reputation: 1539
Let me re-phrase my statement. IF ANY person/parent puts anything or anyone before their children, (except God)while they(said child(ren)) are still dependent upon their parents, doesn't deserve them, in my humble opinion.
 
Old 04-18-2011, 12:57 PM
 
4,977 posts, read 2,652,298 times
Reputation: 2504
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Absolutly. The law is written the same for male, female, black, white, etc.
Hhhmmm I still wonder if the laws would be as harsh. Women donít even pay as much as men when it comes to child support or alimony if the man ever gets that:

FOXNews.com - Moms Can Be Deadbeats Too - U.S. & World

Quote:
Child support is based on income and the money is to help support the children
No wonder all women who get pregnant from men who are well off economically pretty much hit the lotto. When it is based on income all these women get 5 figure checks sent to them for more than 18 years.

Quote:
The point is, if she/he sacrificed their ability to secure income and became accustom to food and shelter he/she is compensated temparily to get themself up to par and self sufficient. It has nothing to do with sammiches
The thing is that the law protects and favors women for fixing a meal or two, making a dentist appointment for the ex-husband 2 or three times a year, etc. because that work is so valuable. But a manís work is totally ignored as if all things she had were acquired for free without a break of sweat?

Quote:
During my divorce my ex was unemployed
During the divorce but it was not like he was employed every year of your marriage, was he?
 
Old 04-18-2011, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
10,893 posts, read 10,634,731 times
Reputation: 10902
onihC;18780347

Quote:
Hhhmmm I still wonder if the laws would be as harsh. Women donít even pay as much as men when it comes to child support or alimony if the man ever gets that:

FOXNews.com - Moms Can Be Deadbeats Too - U.S. & World
The laws are the same. There is not one set of cs laws for women and one set for men. CS applies to the custodial parent.

Quote:
No wonder all women who get pregnant from men who are well off economically pretty much hit the lotto. When it is based on income all these women get 5 figure checks sent to them for more than 18 years.
IDK how else they get pregnant. Yes it is based on income, roughly 25-30%. How much of their income do you think working parents would be paying toward supporting their children if they were not divorced or they had custody?


Quote:
The thing is that the law protects and favors women for fixing a meal or two, making a dentist appointment for the ex-husband 2 or three times a year, etc. because that work is so valuable. But a manís work is totally ignored as if all things she had were acquired for free without a break of sweat?
Nope. Show me the law that states protection for women that cook. Read up on alimony before making silly statments.

"There are several factors a judge considers when deciding whether to grant alimony. These differ from state to state, of course, but they usually involve things like the parties' relative ability to earn money, both now and in the future; their respective age and health; the length of the marriage; the kind of property involved, and the conduct of the parties. In general, about the only time a judge will award alimony in most states is where one spouse has been economically dependent on the other spouse for most of a lengthy marriage. "


Quote:
During the divorce but it was not like he was employed every year of your marriage, was he?
You are totally ignoring the point. During the divorce my ex was unemployed. While we were seperated and until he secured employment there was an income disparency and being that he was accustom to my income and marriage states an obligation for spouses to support one another he would be entitled to alimony "until he got back on his feet". This has nothing to do with how much income he generated in the past years or who made "sammiches".
 
Old 04-18-2011, 02:27 PM
 
4,977 posts, read 2,652,298 times
Reputation: 2504
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
The laws are the same. There is not one set of cs laws for women and one set for men. CS applies to the custodial parent
And still, the very few women out there who get to send some money to their ex barely provide half of what men normally provide when it comes to sending the paycheck.

Quote:
IDK how else they get pregnant. Yes it is based on income, roughly 25-30%
I guess it makes sense why women are eager to get pregnant from a man who is well off economically. It’s a career move pretty much.

Quote:
Nope. Show me the law that states protection for women that cook. Read up on alimony before making silly statements
I mentioned women who cook (just mentioned a chore but could have said a few others) as house chores are really not that big of a deal. First of all you work at the very comfort of your own house, your own schedule, etc. Not ALL chores are done on a daily basis. The law rewards/protects/benefits women for doing some house chores here and there as if it was the most important thing in marriage and totally ignoring a man’s effort to make sure the wife has roof over her head, food, clothing, commodities, luxuries, transportation, all kinds of bills, etc. As if these men acquired all those things doing nothing.

Quote:
You are totally ignoring the point. During the divorce my ex was unemployed. While we were seperated and until he secured employment there was an income disparency and being that he was accustom to my income and marriage states an obligation for spouses to support one another he would be entitled to alimony "until he got back on his feet"
But for whatever reason he simply didn’t get a nickel from you, which I agree. He is a man and should just “man up” about it, right? As a man, he has to put some effort on getting back on his feet and moving on.
 
Old 04-18-2011, 02:35 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
20,737 posts, read 17,856,651 times
Reputation: 28978
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
I guess it makes sense why women are eager to get pregnant from a man who is well off economically. Itís a career move pretty much.
Back up this statement, please, with something other than, "Just look on Google." Which women are eager? How many?
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