What's too personal to ask on a first date? (dates, movies, women)

[FelixTheCat]

A big pet peeve of mine is personal first date questions. I don't know if I'm weird or if it's a normal pet peeve.

Questions I don't like answering are "So are you close to your parents?" or "When was your last relationship?" They are legitimate questions if you are planning on getting into a relationship and have been out with them a few times, but for first dates I feel like they are basically strangers or acquaintances. It's odd to me to ask such personal questions to a person that you have a good chance of never seeing again.

Anyway, for you other more private people, what do you feel is too personal to ask on a first date and how do you respond if asked?

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

A big pet peeve of mine is personal first date questions. I don't know if I'm weird or if it's a normal pet peeve.

Questions I don't like answering are "So are you close to your parents?" or "When was your last relationship?" They are legitimate questions if you are planning on getting into a relationship and have been out with them a few times, but for first dates I feel like they are basically strangers or acquaintances. It's odd to me to ask such personal questions to a person that you have a good chance of never seeing again.

Anyway, for you other more private people, what do you feel is too personal to ask on a first date and how do you respond if asked?

Let them know right up front, that you are a private person and would rather not discuss your life history on the first date. Maybe he will have enough common sense to tip toe around the questions..otherwise, I think that some of the questions that come out on a first date, is just trying to get to know you.

[Cyrano941]

"How much money do you make?" comes to mind. It's also a turn off when someone divulges a little too much personal information on the first date.

[max's mama]

I always believed that the first date should be light-hearted, to see if there is chemistry between two people. It should be filled with laughter, fun and flirtatious behavior. I would leave all serious questions for later dates. You can talk about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, but don't bring out past relationships or any issues you may be having, whether at work or with your family.

[thatsong64]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

A big pet peeve of mine is personal first date questions. I don't know if I'm weird or if it's a normal pet peeve.

Questions I don't like answering are "So are you close to your parents?" or "When was your last relationship?" They are legitimate questions if you are planning on getting into a relationship and have been out with them a few times, but for first dates I feel like they are basically strangers or acquaintances. It's odd to me to ask such personal questions to a person that you have a good chance of never seeing again.

Anyway, for you other more private people, what do you feel is too personal to ask on a first date and how do you respond if asked?

I get where you're coming from. There's negative conversation potential in those questions and it's better to ask what kind of music you like, etc. More "surface" questions.

For some people "are you close with your parents?" is a totally normal question because they assume everyone is and it gets you talking positively about your family. But what if you aren't. Then you say what? (for example) "No, my dad died when I was 4 and my mom is an alcoholic." Awesome, what a fun date. It makes you look bad and that's not fair.

The only way you can really sidestep that and keep it positive is to say something like "No, we don't see each other much, but (for example) my brother and I are very close. We go on a big camping trip together every year blah blah blah"

So I guess my advice is to get really good at being evasive when topics are brought up that are negative for you or topics you don't really want to talk about. Say something vague but true, then say something positive about ANY random family member you have a positive relationship with, then ask them about their family because they probably just want to talk about their family.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by max's mama

I always believed that the first date should be light-hearted, to see if there is chemistry between two people. It should be filled with laughter, fun and flirtatious behavior. I would leave all serious questions for later dates. You can talk about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, but don't bring out past relationships or any issues you may be having, whether at work or with your family.

I agree. Family and relationship questions is like opening a can of worms. It can be very awkward. Maybe a parent died or they had abusive parents. Or maybe the last relationship had a bad breakup. I'm just wondering how some people steer away from overly personal questions to having more of a fun time.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

I agree. Family and relationship questions is like opening a can of worms. It can be very awkward. Maybe a parent died or they had abusive parents. Or maybe the last relationship had a bad breakup. I'm just wondering how some people steer away from overly personal questions to having more of a fun time.

Just change the topic somehow, not in the rude way, but skillfully redirect the conversation, maybe by making a joke or even turning it into a compliment.
"What was your last relationship like?"
"What was the question, I feel like I'm drowning in your eyes and have forgotten about all my previous relationships..."...
Well, maybe not so cheesy, but you get the drift.

[Northside904]

Inquiring about someone's financial status on the first date is definitely a line-crosser. It signals gold-digger (men can be golddiggers just as much as women) and if I was asked, I'd say "none of your business" Seriously.

[chielgirl]

I went out with a guy who felt very "open" with me and discussed his inner warrior on the first, and (emphatically) only date.

I'm more of a don't ask, don't tell on the first date or two.
You can talk about books, movies, types of food, etc. General questions are the way to go.

[seeniorita]

What's too personal to ask on a first date?

Wow, so many inappropriate personal questions can be asked on a first date. It can range from "How much do you make?" to "What's your favorite position in bed?" I co-sign MM's post below.

Originally Posted by max's mama

I always believed that the first date should be light-hearted, to see if there is chemistry between two people. It should be filled with laughter, fun and flirtatious behavior. I would leave all serious questions for later dates. You can talk about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, but don't bring out past relationships or any issues you may be having, whether at work or with your family.