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I meant to say also that sometimes people reach out for their own self-directed reasons, for ex. to assuage their own guilt. So it's not necessarily a noble gesture on the part of the father, we just don't know (track record of father not great though, so some skepticism is warranted).
Bottom line- OP being in a good enough place to generously give the benefit of the doubt, I think it's a good opportunity.
Forgiveness is fine, wonderful. In my dads case, he doesn't have a bullet hole in his head. Trust me, he deserves one. Plenty of forgiveness there!
But letting him in my life? He started hanging around my house when I wasn't there. Before I got married I had a girlfriend get hit on by him. She decked him! Honestly, it never occurred to me he'd try and seduce my wife. Nobodies that low, are they?
((I speak from experience.))
Now you had a single parent of course, correct? They never sent birthday cards, never heard from their parents, siblings, No christmas cards. No phone calls, and they showed up in your twenties and you forgave them? OK go on...
I do not speak here of my childhood other than to say I had plenty to forgive.
And doing so freed me in a way I sincerely wish it will free you one day.
This is how I see their advice. Of course he has repented. He has found Christ, and the holy spirit has filled him with love and regret. I have prayed and god will now remove all detractors. You go to your father, who is now ready to show you all the love he can. He'll have the balloons and pony ready.
This is how I see their advice. Of course he has repented. He has found Christ, and the holy spirit has filled him with love and regret. I have prayed and god will now remove all detractors. You go to your father, who is now ready to show you all the love he can. He'll have the balloons and pony ready.
hmmm...you have such strong feelings (with good reason) about what your dad did to you that you have lost your ability to give our OP any real advice I'm afraid.
Sometimes, you don't know what you missed if you never had it.
Until all of us in this world start taking responsibility for our actions (and having a baby is a big one!), nothing will change. We need to start teaching our young and old about responsibility and loyalty.
Look at all the hurt that this irresponsibility has caused. Broken relationships. Loss of love. Hardening of the heart. That hurt carries through your own life and costs you much future happiness.
We've all been betrayed. All of us. We just need to get better, help our fellow man, and learn to be responsible.
My husband has been estranged from two of his 3 children ages 25 and 31 now for about 4 years. It was not of his doing, their Mother is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive and they basically have been told that everything from the divorce to the loss of their house was their Dad's fault. He would love to try and see or talk with his daughter and son but they want nothing to do with him and won't even listen because of the things their Mom said and did. You have to remember there are two sides to every story. I understand he has been out of your life, but maybe he felt he had no other choice. I'm not saying this happened, but maybe the reason your Mom is pushing this so much is because she is feeling guilty for cutting him out of your life, that is what happened to my husband.
Maybe you can meet him in a public place for coffee if you feel uncomfortable, just hear him out. There may be more to the story than you know.
My husband has been estranged from two of his 3 children ages 25 and 31 now for about 4 years. It was not of his doing, their Mother is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive and they basically have been told that everything from the divorce to the loss of their house was their Dad's fault. He would love to try and see or talk with his daughter and son but they want nothing to do with him and won't even listen because of the things their Mom said and did. You have to remember there are two sides to every story. I understand he has been out of your life, but maybe he felt he had no other choice. I'm not saying this happened, but maybe the reason your Mom is pushing this so much is because she is feeling guilty for cutting him out of your life, that is what happened to my husband.
Maybe you can meet him in a public place for coffee if you feel uncomfortable, just hear him out. There may be more to the story than you know.
So how far behind is your husband on his child support? We know this one is, and can only assume he might be wonderful Willy Wonky, other than that bothersome not wanting to pay for his kid thing.
You know something, there is two sides to every story! And you totally believe your husbands side.. I was rereading your post when I caught that these weren't kids, these were young adults who have probably known their father 6+ times longer than YOU have! Yes indeed, there are TWO sides to every story. And I'd be really interested in hearing the 27 year old at the time of the estrangements version. Maybe YOU should hear his side, too. My fathers last 3 girlfriends all believed I was unfairly not giving him a chance...all three hate him now, of course, but they believed his story while he was "giving it" to them. That's how it works for us stupid people, we're always advocating for OUR current love interest against their evil witch ex!
My husband has been estranged from two of his 3 children ages 25 and 31 now for about 4 years. It was not of his doing, their Mother is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive and they basically have been told that everything from the divorce to the loss of their house was their Dad's fault. He would love to try and see or talk with his daughter and son but they want nothing to do with him and won't even listen because of the things their Mom said and did. You have to remember there are two sides to every story. I understand he has been out of your life, but maybe he felt he had no other choice. I'm not saying this happened, but maybe the reason your Mom is pushing this so much is because she is feeling guilty for cutting him out of your life, that is what happened to my husband.
Maybe you can meet him in a public place for coffee if you feel uncomfortable, just hear him out. There may be more to the story than you know.
No doubt. There usually IS more to the story when estrangements like this happen.
I'm so sorry for your husband. I know it must be tough for you too to watch him suffer the loss of a relationship with is kids - that tears a good man up inside
So how far behind is your husband on his child support? We know this one is, and can only assume he might be wonderful Willy Wonky, other than that bothersome not wanting to pay for his kid thing.
Why do you always assume the worst. Oh yeah, because you have been biased by your own situation
I know not one, but two men just like LauraMc's husband - GOOD men who not only paid child support AND alimony, one even when he didn't have to!, but they paid the kids college tuitions, helped with the first car, even gave the kids allowances when child support stopped at 18.
But hell hath no fury like a woman who feels scorned.
Both ex wives of those men are vindictive and just could not stand to see their ex's move on. They each did all they could to turn their teens away from their dads, with different methods of course, but both very effectively. The kids are all in their late 20's now and will have very little to do with dads. They have bought mom's bull hook, line and sinker.
It's a very painful situation for the dads and very evil of the moms
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Take the high road
