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Unread 04-22-2011, 07:09 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,791 posts, read 2,153,193 times
Reputation: 3207
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post
My first serious gf (post widowing at age 38) and I pretty much split over her objection to my LATE wife's pics being up around the house....keeping in mind my 9-12 yo kids were still at home. Still probably the BIGGEST mistalke I've made dating was trying to accomodate her....and then missing a picture which she through a hissy fit over. I drew a line in the sand, she walked and I waved bye.....best move I ever made.

My current gf and most likely future wife had been entirely cool about my past relationship (well duh it's my kids mom) and vice versa. Really, at some point you need to have some self confidence and be an adult about your relationships. In return she gets treated well in pretty much all aspects of a relationship.

Yeah, my "in-laws" still visit, they love their grand kids and me...they treat my gf with respect and vice-versa. We make it work.

Yes I can understand when its the kids mom..My boyfriend dont have a picture of his ex..his daughters do in their bedroom..they have a very nice of their mom in on their bedroom wall..My ex family is still good to me...I still call them inlaws..family is family. I say I divorced my ex not his family.
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Unread 04-22-2011, 07:29 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 2,285,168 times
Reputation: 3863
I think this is a tough one. If they have kids together, then she may be wanting to keep some pictures up and out for the kids. I'm of two minds here. On the one hand, I like to think that if you're ready to open your life back up and date someone new, you're ready to take down the mementos of the old person. This doesn't mean you throw them away, but at that point, a box in the closet is more important than displayed on the wall.

But on the other hand, you guys are just dating, not yet with any formal commitment like engagement, right? So if she has kids, I can understand why just dating a guy doesn't necessarily mean all pictures of their father are whisked away.

How long have you been dating? Have you given her some photos of you? Of you two?
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Unread 04-22-2011, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Maryland not Murlin
7,095 posts, read 12,844,564 times
Reputation: 4242
Quote:
Originally Posted by myrevenge View Post
You're no different except you hide your ex's pictures. Why are you hanging on to them?
Her photos were out of the bedroom in an area that is passed by quickly. Your photos are in your room, easily accessible from the nightstand or closet. What could be considered 'worse'?
I believe that the past has helped shape all of us into the people we are today, including past relationships. There is a difference between keeping stuff out-of-sight, ready to view when you are so inclined, and having something displayed on a wall for all to see.

My pictures in a shoe box are private mementos, that, I would be willing to share with anyone if they ask, or I want to share them.

Displaying pictures on a wall is announcing to everyone, Hey, look at this, in particular when those pictures are in a common area of the house/apartment. People are drawn to photographs, they want to know the story behind them.

I don't have a problem with them being up, per se. I am just wondering when they will come down, or ones of me go up (or when I should make a stink about it). Especially since the divorce was four years ago and I am now such an important part of her life, and future.


Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
I think this is a tough one. If they have kids together, then she may be wanting to keep some pictures up and out for the kids. I'm of two minds here. On the one hand, I like to think that if you're ready to open your life back up and date someone new, you're ready to take down the mementos of the old person. This doesn't mean you throw them away, but at that point, a box in the closet is more important than displayed on the wall.

But on the other hand, you guys are just dating, not yet with any formal commitment like engagement, right? So if she has kids, I can understand why just dating a guy doesn't necessarily mean all pictures of their father are whisked away.

How long have you been dating? Have you given her some photos of you? Of you two?
No, there are no kids. And, if there were, I am certain they would be living with her.

Yes, we are just dating if you want to put it into terms of legalities or religion. However, I have a key to her car, a key to her house, we discussed moving in together and the only reason why are not currently is because I am on a lease until July and cannot afford to break it, and she has a dog (my place does not allow dogs). We have discussed, numerous times, our opinions on having children, and we both acknowledge, and want, to have kids with each other in the future. We have discussed our future life together, and the anticipation of the day when all of this college jazz is finally over with so we can finally be together day after day and enjoy that life together. We have talked about growing old together, being together until the end, and she has expressed concerns over certain lifestyle choices as they my lessen the amount of time we could be together. I could ride my bike to her place in about 15 minutes, yet she sends me love letters in the mail (you know, the hand-written kind. Stamps, envelope, all that).

Now, I am sure some will say, Been there, done that. It failed. And so be it! But, really, how much more serious can we get?

Is it too much for me to ask for her to put a dang picture of my up on her wall
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Unread 04-22-2011, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Maryland not Murlin
7,095 posts, read 12,844,564 times
Reputation: 4242
Addendum to above:

I planned on asking her hand in marriage over the summer, but like I mentioned in a previous post, she recently told me she isn't interested in marriage, but is interested in having a formal commemoration announcing our comment together without the legalities.

I am going to ask her more about it on Sunday, but I plan on making some kind of "move" over the summer.
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Unread 04-25-2011, 08:09 PM
 
1 posts, read 495 times
Reputation: 10
if she had kids with her ex then that s why they are up and probably will be until the kdis are out of the home.
If no kids..then she probably doesn't even remember the picture is there specially in a collage. However I think when she moves and is packing she may actually look at the frame and realize he is in the pic and change it or not put it up in her new place. Wait and see..don't sweat it. She divorced him for a reason.
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Unread 04-25-2011, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Central FL
1,383 posts, read 1,746,968 times
Reputation: 1146
The OP said "she mentioned that her ex was in there, too, and asked if I could spot him."

THAT is just plain weird to ask a new boyfriend/ love interest.

So not only did she draw your attention to his picture, but she keeps it up and there are NOT any kids involved.

Red flags... just saying.
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Unread 04-26-2011, 06:09 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
19,240 posts, read 20,310,047 times
Reputation: 19834
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv View Post
Maybe I am putting too much into this, and being a bit paranoid...
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv View Post
I don't have a problem with them being up, per se. I am just wondering when they will come down, or ones of me go up (or when I should make a stink about it).

Is it too much for me to ask for her to put a dang picture of my up on her wall
In my opinion you're making mountains out of molehills. She hardly has a shrine to him in a candlelit corner. If you want her to have a photo of you then give her one but not everybody places great importance on photos so don't expect it to be hanging on the wall in plain view. Good grief.
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Unread 04-26-2011, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Orlando
7,770 posts, read 6,164,448 times
Reputation: 3533
If it weren't for him being an ex you would not have had the opportunity. It's in the past only you make it present. Stop being insecure and focus on what you have.
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Unread 04-26-2011, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Hills & Hollers of SW MO
17,761 posts, read 13,435,225 times
Reputation: 15090
Default Pictures of ex husband hanging on the wall....

Run, Forrest. Run!
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