Pictures of ex husband hanging on the wall.... (girlfriend, how to, married)
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My GF was married for five years, and has been divorced from that guy since 2007, yet she still has pictures of him hanging on a downstairs wall. The pictures are in a frame that contain multiple slots for other pictures, and the pics of the ex are accompanied by photos of her parents and other friends, so it is not like they are stand alone.
The frame itself is at the bottom of the staircase that leads to her upstairs bedroom, and I pass it numerous times. Most of the time, I don't stop to look at it, and for the most part, I am not bothered by these photos. It's not like she has one next to her bed or carries one around in her purse/wallet that I know of.
But, recently, I feel as though I am getting bothered by these photos of her ex. it's not that they are there, I would never ask her to take them down, but I am wondering why, or more importantly when, a picture of me will go up.
And I am not sure of how to brooch this subject with her.
She does have a picture of me as her desktop photo, and she does share pictures of me with her family, and she does post pictures of me on Facebook (including a photo album dedicated to pics of me). She also does not have any pics displayed of her ex on Facebook, but they are friends on that site.
I am not really worried that she is holding on to him, but I'm just wondering if it would be proper of me to ask about why they are still up.
For those that read my thread on long-distance relationships, you would know that she is going to Johns Hopkins at the end of summer to begin a Masters program. I will not be going (as of this moment), and I am sure that these pictures will go back up on her wall at her new place in Baltimore.
I know she would put one of me up if I ask....but I don't want to ask her to. Not to sound like a brat, but I would like her to put one of me up because she thought to do so, not because I want her to.
I just think it would be odd when people come over and ask if this guy is her BF and she says "No, that is my ex-husband".
Not really sure what kind of advice I am looking for here, so all opinions are welcome.
1. Those multi-photo frames are a pain in the neck to put together. You have to find and cut up photos and tape them into place and clean the glass and assemble the thing. It's tedious. I bet your girlfriend doesn't change anything in that frame because it's a pain, and because:
2. Some people just don't care about wall art. They put up pictures because they think they are supposed to, or because they've obtained some, but they don't really look at them or care what they are. So:
I mean, if they are part of a collection that was made with other people's pics in them, she might not be able to take just his picture out (esp if it was professionally framed).
I know she would put one of me up if I ask....but I don't want to ask her to. Not to sound like a brat, but I would like her to put one of me up because she thought to do so, not because I want her to.
That's perfectly understandable to me.
I think the reason for this may be very mundane. People procrastinate and put off doing things all the time. I know I do. Many times I intend to do something for years and don’t do it. You have some decorations on the walls, you get used to them, you don’t even pay any conscious attention to them to the point of perhaps not even remembering what’s included in some large collage of other pictures. However, I do think she should be more sensitive and considerate. Some people don’t have any pictures around their homes, but she’s obviously not one of them. And if she isn’t, she certainly should’ve thought of putting up a picture of you.
Btw, I believe you mentioned she had children. That’s more likely the reason for all of that.
My GF was married for five years, and has been divorced from that guy since 2007, yet she still has pictures of him hanging on a downstairs wall. The pictures are in a frame that contain multiple slots for other pictures, and the pics of the ex are accompanied by photos of her parents and other friends, so it is not like they are stand alone.
The frame itself is at the bottom of the staircase that leads to her upstairs bedroom, and I pass it numerous times. Most of the time, I don't stop to look at it, and for the most part, I am not bothered by these photos. It's not like she has one next to her bed or carries one around in her purse/wallet that I know of.
But, recently, I feel as though I am getting bothered by these photos of her ex. it's not that they are there, I would never ask her to take them down, but I am wondering why, or more importantly when, a picture of me will go up.
And I am not sure of how to brooch this subject with her.
She does have a picture of me as her desktop photo, and she does share pictures of me with her family, and she does post pictures of me on Facebook (including a photo album dedicated to pics of me). She also does not have any pics displayed of her ex on Facebook, but they are friends on that site.
I am not really worried that she is holding on to him, but I'm just wondering if it would be proper of me to ask about why they are still up.
For those that read my thread on long-distance relationships, you would know that she is going to Johns Hopkins at the end of summer to begin a Masters program. I will not be going (as of this moment), and I am sure that these pictures will go back up on her wall at her new place in Baltimore.
I know she would put one of me up if I ask....but I don't want to ask her to. Not to sound like a brat, but I would like her to put one of me up because she thought to do so, not because I want her to.
I just think it would be odd when people come over and ask if this guy is her BF and she says "No, that is my ex-husband".
Not really sure what kind of advice I am looking for here, so all opinions are welcome.
My GF was married for five years, and has been divorced from that guy since 2007, yet she still has pictures of him hanging on a downstairs wall. The pictures are in a frame that contain multiple slots for other pictures, and the pics of the ex are accompanied by photos of her parents and other friends, so it is not like they are stand alone.
The frame itself is at the bottom of the staircase that leads to her upstairs bedroom, and I pass it numerous times. Most of the time, I don't stop to look at it, and for the most part, I am not bothered by these photos. It's not like she has one next to her bed or carries one around in her purse/wallet that I know of.
But, recently, I feel as though I am getting bothered by these photos of her ex. it's not that they are there, I would never ask her to take them down, but I am wondering why, or more importantly when, a picture of me will go up.
And I am not sure of how to brooch this subject with her.
She does have a picture of me as her desktop photo, and she does share pictures of me with her family, and she does post pictures of me on Facebook (including a photo album dedicated to pics of me). She also does not have any pics displayed of her ex on Facebook, but they are friends on that site.
I am not really worried that she is holding on to him, but I'm just wondering if it would be proper of me to ask about why they are still up.
For those that read my thread on long-distance relationships, you would know that she is going to Johns Hopkins at the end of summer to begin a Masters program. I will not be going (as of this moment), and I am sure that these pictures will go back up on her wall at her new place in Baltimore.
I know she would put one of me up if I ask....but I don't want to ask her to. Not to sound like a brat, but I would like her to put one of me up because she thought to do so, not because I want her to.
I just think it would be odd when people come over and ask if this guy is her BF and she says "No, that is my ex-husband".
Not really sure what kind of advice I am looking for here, so all opinions are welcome.
Put a pic of your ex up...and just ignore it like you dont know its there like she does?? and when people say who is this your ex gf..say yes she was great..
Thats my advice
I can understand your concern and how you are feeling. By your reference to a thread in the long term relationship, I take it this is not a new relationship. Still, it is complicated, right? Bringing it up might be awkward. But to not bring it up is causing a bit of anxiety?
You might ask yourself those questions and see what your answers might be. Just coming up with answers for YOU might ease some of your anxiety. <By questions, I mean... why does it cause me to feel.... and how might it complicate things? How would she react to my concerns? There are tons of ways she might react and considering those might lead to an answer or way to deal with the possibilities.>
Here are a couple ideas:
1. Suggest you visit a photography studio and have your picture taken together. Maybe to celebrate her new step in her education? You both could have poses taken and some separately too. Doesn't have to be expense- I worked for JcPenney's as a photographer and they do a good job for less money than a professional studio.
This leads me to...
2. Do you have her picture up at your home (you live separately? Sorry if I guessed wrong...)? If not, this is perfect reason to have your photos taken.
3. Finally, even though you don't want to bring this up, maybe you can ease into it. Talking about the photos in general, talk about what other friends have done to begin the conversation. Or joke about the Ex's photo (if you know she'd be okay with that)... example: people keep mistaking me for him... or wasn't that photo up at the post office's most wanted? This might help you lead into talking about it, esp. if you can share what your friends have done.
I'm glad you are thinking this out, instead of just blurting it all out to her. Best wishes!
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