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Is it really that hard to believe that some guys just don't have success with women?
No, its not hard to believe. Its hard to believe a 41 yo man would post a topic on his virginity and expect warranted answers. If he were 16 I might buy it.
Of course I've watched porn but it's not that simple in real life. I'm average looking but I think I would be embarrassed to be naked in front of a woman, I haven't got much to be proud of to be bluntly honest...
Seems like this is the key right here. Jason, if you are still reading this, please listen.
I'm guessing someone said something disparaging about your anatomy at some point, one of your goon-ish brothers or their friends who were sleeping with anything that moved. At that point you were young and vulnerable, and you accepted whatever they said as your reality. It is probably not THE reality, but it worked really well to keep you from getting the girls your brothers and friends were after.
Another thing to understand is that I think that there are porn actors that wear genital prostheses. I don't watch porn so I can't tell you for sure, but in that famous scene at the end of the film "Boogie Nights" Mark Wahlberg is wearing a prosthetic penis, which he has to as part of his character's persona. What you see on the screen in porn is not necessarily the reality!
Your analysis of your 'inadequate' anatomy is overly harsh, okay? Despite what a lot of men think, women don't actually care that much about size, they just really care how they feel when they are with a guy. I read you as being extremely intelligent, sensitive, with a wry sense of humor. All those qualities go a long, long way in attracting and keeping a female (I say that as a female). The humor, especially that dry self-deprecating streak you showed in the first line: "Okay, first of all take your time to recover", for many women that's foreplay right there! That's the stuff of Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, and Woody Allen. No wonder that woman couldn't keep her hands off you!
The question is really -- how to keep a woman's hands from wanting to travel all over you until you are ready, and in a way that doesn't crush her entirely. The answer is, you go really really slowly. If she starts that "exploratory touching" thing, just say "hey, I really like you, but I'm not ready for this yet". You don't have to say you're a virgin or anything at all. There is such a thing as waiting for a long time before getting intimate or sexual, getting to know and trust a woman for a long time, and seeing someone without sex happening for a while.
What you determined early on is the quick and easy sex-lives of 'most men' is the norm and that you are unusual, and you think this is wrong. You got the wrong message from being around the wrong people. The truth is that for you and many, many other people, casual sex is not and will never be a good idea.
With this woman, you may have burned your bridges, but something in your Cro-Magnon brain said "I can't trust her with my naked self or any other thing", so you had to squash her entirely. Your primitive impulse may have been right, but your method was wrong and I think you know it.
You can be intimate with a woman, but it has to be the right woman at the right time. Let yourself take that time, date slowly, and think in terms of a woman you can trust, who you might want to build a life with and even have children with, as an over-arching theme.
From the OP's posts, I see a weak, lazy man who just wants to wallow in self-pity. He doesn't want any changes and hasn't taken any advice and hasn't taken any steps to improve his life outside of work.
I can understand all the insecurities and depression and even the wallowing - for a short time. But eventually you have to take charge of yourself or you'll die a sad and lonely person. As you've gotten older and experienced other things in life (hopefully) besides women and work, surely you've come to realize that our greatest regrets are the things we DIDN'T do? This has been said through the ages by many great people in their late years and they can't be wrong.
My advice to the OP, should you ever find the motivation to improve this area of your life, is to treat your personal issues like you do your work issues. Obviously you're successful in that area. Therapy would help but the Internet is full of enough info to get some self-help if you apply yourself and actually do and practice some of the advice given.
Not sure why you feel so much pressure to have sex with this woman, and why you felt you had to shut the door on any kind of relationship with her. After you had discussed your issue and she seemed open to you despite it, why you couldn't have said, I'm just not ready for sex so let's take it slow. That's how most people put off sex when they're not ready, rather than shutting down completely.
Sorry for not replying sooner but I was abroad due to work.
After plenty of thought, I've truly decided to put a stone over this department of my life. It's really not for me and I don't know what was going through my mind when I accepted that invitation to go out. I've managed all this time on my own, working, doing my things, never bothering anyone with personal issues. I've got talent for my job and I don't feel like a boaster saying it.
If nothing happened regarding relationships in my teens or early 20s, it's pathetic to think I could handle one at 41. I'm not that naive.
I can't quote each post individually but please don't think your advice was useless. It was food for thought and helped me reach this conclusion in a better way.
I've got plenty of things to be busy with. Heck, my job alone is more than enough to keep me busy! I still got my family, some cool friends, my dogs, my huge collection of books, films and aircraft miniatures (nerdy stuff, I know). I've learnt a while ago my brother will be having another child this year, so another one for me to an uncle to.
If you are interested to know, she texted me a few days ago, asking if I wanted to meet up for coffee. As I had promised before, I ignored it. But it doesn't change anything anyway, my decision has nothing to with her personally and I have no intention of hurting women, believe it or not.
Jason: please, please reconsider what you're doing here, my friend -- just think, what if she really could be the one true love of your life, a loving and loyal wife, and the mother of your beautiful future babies? Please, don't give up if you're worried that you might not potentially get it right, or that you might mess up. Listen, we all mess up a little, sometimes even a lot, when we're in love...but if she truly loves and cares about you, she will look beyond that, and still love you unconditionally. But you'll never know if she could be your true dream girl and soul mate, if you never give things a try...can you understand what I'm saying? Why not at least try; you have nothing to lose? This girl must care a great deal about you, if only b/c she texted you to meet for coffee, and is still eager to see you you...please, I implore you, do not throw that potential love away?
P.S. I think I can understand a lot of what you're going through, myself, in some ways...I'm in my early 30's, 100% virginal, never even had a single g/f at all till I was already 30. But please, you can't give up though!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonDavis
Sorry for not replying sooner but I was abroad due to work.
After plenty of thought, I've truly decided to put a stone over this department of my life. It's really not for me and I don't know what was going through my mind when I accepted that invitation to go out. I've managed all this time on my own, working, doing my things, never bothering anyone with personal issues. I've got talent for my job and I don't feel like a boaster saying it.
If nothing happened regarding relationships in my teens or early 20s, it's pathetic to think I could handle one at 41. I'm not that naive.
I can't quote each post individually but please don't think your advice was useless. It was food for thought and helped me reach this conclusion in a better way.
I've got plenty of things to be busy with. Heck, my job alone is more than enough to keep me busy! I still got my family, some cool friends, my dogs, my huge collection of books, films and aircraft miniatures (nerdy stuff, I know). I've learnt a while ago my brother will be having another child this year, so another one for me to an uncle to.
If you are interested to know, she texted me a few days ago, asking if I wanted to meet up for coffee. As I had promised before, I ignored it. But it doesn't change anything anyway, my decision has nothing to with her personally and I have no intention of hurting women, believe it or not.
If you really don't want a woman in your life, that's awesome if you're happy. If you think you'd be happier to have a woman in your life, then that's awesome too. Giving a relationship a try won't change who you've become. Actually, you'd probably experience emotions you never have before. That may be why you don't care about having a woman or having sex - you are predicatable, stable, and successful. But to miss out on feeling love and experiencing true love making; you're missing out on a large part of the human experience.
That may be why you don't care about having a woman or having sex - you are predicatable, stable, and successful. But to miss out on feeling love and experiencing true love making; you're missing out on a large part of the human experience.
I'm not denying it but I believe you can't miss what you never had.
@Knight: I'm usually quite firm in my decisions, so it's already taken.
I'm not denying it but I believe you can't miss what you never had.
@Knight: I'm usually quite firm in my decisions, so it's already taken.
That's okay. Don't worry about being a single and childless virgin for the rest of your life while looking at porn as a substitute At least you think you're happy with that.
That's okay. Don't worry about being a single and childless virgin for the rest of your life while looking at porn as a substitute At least you think you're happy with that.
Then this thread should be closed.He just solved his own case.
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At least you think you're happy with that.
