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Old 04-22-2011, 02:46 PM
 
5,578 posts, read 7,998,326 times
Reputation: 5597
My husband always paid while we were dating. Always. I tried to give him money, tried insisting, tried everything - he never let me contribute or pay for anything. Even though I often had more money than he did. I always thought it was romantic. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 23. We're 35 and 40 now. Been married forever, it feels like. lol

Now we have two sons. I want them to pay for their dates, too, when they start going out on dates. I guess I'm old fashioned. But, if the girl offered... I think it would be OK to let her pay her half of the date. Or... you get the tickets I'll get the drinks and snacks kind of thing.

But I wouldn't ever want my boys to let their date pay for everything. It's just.... an old-school mind-set I guess. Boys/men pay for the date. Period. It's just... dating protocol. The girls have to spend more money getting all dolled-up or doing their hair or whatever... it's $$$ being a girl - even a simple "natural" girl who doesn't wear a lot or any makeup (I don't wear makeup, so I know...). It's easier being a boy, or at least less expensive anyway! With girls, it's a whole other thing.
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:02 PM
 
2,648 posts, read 1,297,272 times
Reputation: 3400
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Surely, there are women who will date men for their wallets. Dating a man who prefers to pay is not necessarily the same thing; the benefits go beyond the financial to character. There are people here who outright resent it and don't know the difference.
I did not say it was so, you accept people as they are, men who were raised as I was will pay and not perceive a date as possessing a character flaw because of it. The perception she is there because you pay will be considered in a poor light as I would think is a given.

Younger folk appear to be more divided as well they might be, something to consider is that when I first started dating a woman could not have a credit card in her name in the state I grew up in. Serious. Times now are different and the woman may well have a greater income than the man in dating with the obvious repercussions on how paying might play out in that age group. I dont pretend to have the answers but so long as both parties are in agreement I see no problem. Resentment among those who cannot pay or feel slighted because they have to pay makes no sense to me. As a kid my dates were where and what I could afford. If the girl was interested she would go, if not, not. Having fun doesnt have to be an expensive dinner.
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:08 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,264,318 times
Reputation: 3350
When I was dating, guys paid for all dates. But I would do my part by making dinners or lunches for us or if we went on a picnic to bring the food. Nowadays, I would go dutch with someone if they wanted but I'm still old school and would prefer my date to pay. But I'm not much of wanting to spend alot of money on dates. I'd rather do something for free (cheap date) then the guy trying to impress me. That, to me, is not finding out about someone's personality, morals and values and whether we are a match.

I think people need to stop trying to impress with expensive dinners and drinks and have dates like preparing food at home and drinking and talking to each other to get to know each other.
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:10 PM
FBJ
 
Location: Tall Building down by the river
33,622 posts, read 22,894,364 times
Reputation: 7388
Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1 View Post
I did not say it was so, you accept people as they are, men who were raised as I was will pay and not perceive a date as possessing a character flaw because of it. The perception she is there because you pay will be considered in a poor light as I would think is a given.

Younger folk appear to be more divided as well they might be, something to consider is that when I first started dating a woman could not have a credit card in her name in the state I grew up in. Serious. Times now are different and the woman may well have a greater income than the man in dating with the obvious repercussions on how paying might play out in that age group. I dont pretend to have the answers but so long as both parties are in agreement I see no problem. Resentment among those who cannot pay or feel slighted because they have to pay makes no sense to me. As a kid my dates were where and what I could afford. If the girl was interested she would go, if not, not. Having fun doesnt have to be an expensive dinner.

Great post
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 22,930,458 times
Reputation: 33613
Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
My husband always paid while we were dating. Always. I tried to give him money, tried insisting, tried everything - he never let me contribute or pay for anything. Even though I often had more money than he did. I always thought it was romantic. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 23. We're 35 and 40 now. Been married forever, it feels like. lol

.
See...but it spoke volumes that you tried. That you wanted to be a 50/50 partner on the outings. I will pay all day long for anyone who tries to meet me halfway.
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:28 PM
 
629 posts, read 534,970 times
Reputation: 436
Wow after reading every post I've noticed a lot of materialistic women on this thread. If I take someone out on several dates and the person never contributed anything id question whether or not they were concerned with my opinion of them or whether or not they are actually interested in me. Both are reasons to bail out now. I believe I am being courteous when I offer to pay. Those who feel it is a requirement for men to always pay for dates do not interest me. A date should be about getting to know eachother and there are too many factors that can cause a man to not be able to pay for a date. You could be turning away your future husband because you're stuck in this ridicolous belief that there must be something wrong with him if he asks you to pay for one out of many dates. A woman who refuses to contribute displays a personality trait that is grounds for a quick departure.
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:16 PM
 
Location: TMI
416 posts, read 110,067 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by ixi10 View Post
I don't mind paying for the date or for share, I'm all for it, but I've never been in this situation where the guy asked me straight out before the date to pay for it. I'm not sure how to react to this.

We've been dating for a month now, he paid for all the past dates.

Of course I said I'd be more than happy to, but still. I'm having mixed feelings about this.

What would your reaction be?
I' not really sure why women always expect the man to pay!? Unemployment is still high, a lot of people have tight budgets. I always split. I pay, the date pays, I pay, the date pays... and so on. I would not mind paying myself all the time. It's a date for pete's sake. You are looking for your future partner, not a cow to milk. I agree with the poster above me. Some people seem to be very materialistic.

Looking at the statistics, seeing how fat America is, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to skip eating out for dinner. Do something special. I know people how eat out 7 days a week. It's not something special anymore.

Honestly, I wouldn't even think about who is paying what, when, and how often.

Besides, if the woman is really interested, she will also invite him. It's not like he always invites her. If that was the case, I would be wondering if she liked him for the money more than for himself. I know someone who does this...
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Containment Area, NC
13,826 posts, read 8,798,423 times
Reputation: 11019
Quote:
Originally Posted by theS5 View Post
I suppose as long as the woman is reciprocating with sex, than expecting the man to pay is fair, as the transaction is complete.
Which, see my comment regarding "hookerish" behavior.

Which was not addressed toward CarolVA, not at all.

I'm sorry she thought it was.

I really was speaking conceptually.
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:56 PM
FBJ
 
Location: Tall Building down by the river
33,622 posts, read 22,894,364 times
Reputation: 7388
Can a women atleast contribute toward the TIP????
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Old 04-22-2011, 05:20 PM
 
24 posts, read 13,774 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Well, they should speak up. There are plenty of women who are happy to split the bill. And there are others who actually support their men. There is a market for everyone. Target those who share the same values and interests as you do.

It is alive and well, hardly outdated. Not agreeing with it doesn't make it a thing of the past. And to call it a "stereotype" implies that it is a negative. It is not diminishing to women. Allowing a man to pay for my dinner has no effect on my level of success in the workplace. It does not make me dependent on him. I can pay my own, I have nothing to prove. It's a date, not a statement.

Accepting it is not expecting it. Allowing a man to be the provider is not expectation or entitlement. Preferring this type of man is not about expectation or entitlement either. Generally, they know how to treat women. It is a preference.
You seem to be unaware of why it's a tradition that men pay. In the olden days, women rarely had jobs and they rarely had money and if they did they didn't have alot. Men payed because it's was simply the most logical choice, women couldn't afford to pay.

If you can pay for your own, and STILL expect that men pay every time... well it has kinda lost it's purpose hasn't it? You don't expect the man to pay because he has more money than you. You expect him to pay because you feel that men has to pay to see women, and that IS entitlement.

I have no problem paying, but it speaks ALOT about the woman if she never even offers to pay. Relationships should be two way streets, giving and taking... Women who thinks the man should pay every time obviously don't view relationships like that, if it's gonna be a one way street in this aspect it's gonna be a one way street in ever single aspect of the relationship with women like that.
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