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Old 04-22-2011, 12:34 AM
 
4,743 posts, read 3,319,958 times
Reputation: 1692
Default How to Over Compensate For a Lack of Sense of Humor And Charisma?

I'm 24 years old, and I'm in desperate need of companionship. My problem is that I don't have the "it" factor. I was not fortunate enough to be an individual who portrays a level of charisma. I'm a decent looking guy, but whenever I encounter a woman, I make no use of the encounter. I have trouble in engaging in conversation that cultivates humor.I'm dull. I'm of the belief that I have Asperger's syndrome.However, I won't allow myself to be inferior to others.


What ways can I conduct myself to allure others to me with out having a sense of humor or charisma?
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:36 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,584 posts, read 8,532,827 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knowledgeiskey View Post
I'm 24 years old, and I'm in desperate need of companionship. My problem is that I don't have the "it" factor. I was not fortunate enough to be an individual who portrays a level of charisma. I'm a decent looking guy, but whenever I encounter a woman, I make no use of the encounter. I have trouble in engaging in conversation that cultivates humor.I'm dull. I'm of the belief that I have Asperger's syndrome.However, I won't allow myself to be inferior to others.


What ways can I conduct myself to allure others to me with out having a sense of humor or charisma?
I'd say your first problem is the way you view yourself. Because we know ourselves in such intricate detail, we can often find critical faults in ourselves over something that another person might find trivial, if noticeable at all.

I get this impression that the entire time you're encountering a woman, you're internally berating yourself about what a dullard you are. Instead of doing that, why not just be yourself?

On a side note, if you suspect you might have Asperger Syndrome, then go see a psychologist and confirm that suspicion. Not only will seeing a therapist help the outlook about yourself but it may put you more in tune with what you're really struggling with, i.e., low self esteem, possibly Asperger's, social anxiety, etc...

From there, you can work on a number of different ways to resolve these issues. Perhaps if you do have Asperger Syndrome, you might find it better off to meet a nice woman who also has it. Something such as that might make it much easier for you (and for her) because you can both relate to the levels of anxiety without wondering if the other person is judging you based on what you find in yourself as flaws. Chances are, she'll probably have the same holdups and your relationship could potentially blossom from a mutual mechanism of understanding one another and working through things together.

But, before you go looking for an Asperger dating site, go and find out if that is your condition or if it's something else that can be more easily remedied.

Good luck!
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Old 04-22-2011, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Vegas, baby, Vegas!
3,158 posts, read 3,335,316 times
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I also have the same problem, I am shy, and have trouble talking to women, But i still always score with the women, My secret?

I can lick my farhead.

Good luck

Jonathan
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:50 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,558,267 times
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I don't have a sense of humor either but I seem to luck out by accidentally saying unintended funny things, so people think I'm hilarious when I'm not... I think it helps to surround yourself with people who are charismatic and funny because they will somehow bring it out in you.
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Old 04-22-2011, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,862 posts, read 1,368,400 times
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This thread should be addressed to women, because they're pro at knowing how guys usually overcompensate for particular deficiencies.

Short guys become aggresive. Guys with tiny penises buy flashy cars. Stupid guys hit the gym to get ripped. So on and so forth.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:27 AM
 
7,492 posts, read 8,225,038 times
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The title of this thread is part of the problem. You shouldn't have to overcompensate for anything. But we see this all the time. Raging-Hetero brought up just a few examples. The bottom line is that you should learn to make the most of what you have instead of dwelling on what you think are your deficiencies. I agree with a previous poster that you first need to change how you view yourself. Rather than dwell on what you don't have, focus on what you do have to offer.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:31 AM
 
5,548 posts, read 4,714,665 times
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I think being a good listener and the ability to empathize goes a long way with women.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:58 AM
 
7,498 posts, read 5,959,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knowledgeiskey View Post
I'm 24 years old, and I'm in desperate need of companionship. My problem is that I don't have the "it" factor. I was not fortunate enough to be an individual who portrays a level of charisma. I'm a decent looking guy, but whenever I encounter a woman, I make no use of the encounter. I have trouble in engaging in conversation that cultivates humor.I'm dull. I'm of the belief that I have Asperger's syndrome.However, I won't allow myself to be inferior to others.


What ways can I conduct myself to allure others to me with out having a sense of humor or charisma?
Well...

I have highlighted quite a few negative statements about yourself that you mentioned. Only 1 time did I hear a, "I'm a decent looking guy" statement.

You have to build yourself up. Somehow you have to look in the mirror and believe you are a great catch!!! No matter what the majority has told you in the past...that's where those comments will stay...in the past.

Today is a new you!!! Everything is about having fun now. You need to smile, laugh and enjoy life. BE YOURSELF!!! If this is not you to be smiling and laughing then you ought to try it.

When others around you say the weather is bad or this is bad or that is bad...you combat that with a positive remark. "I don't know...I'm happy to be walking and talking. LOOK the bird is singing!!!"

I have seen mentally challenged individuals walking hand in hand with a partner. Believe me there is someone out there for you. They will love you even if you are not a humorous guy. Everyone has their talents...find yours.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:03 AM
 
7,498 posts, read 5,959,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
This thread should be addressed to women, because they're pro at knowing how guys usually overcompensate for particular deficiencies.

Short guys become aggresive. Guys with tiny penises buy flashy cars. Stupid guys hit the gym to get ripped. So on and so forth.
"I lift things up and put them down."
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Maryland
2,654 posts, read 2,628,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by macgeek View Post
I also have the same problem, I am shy, and have trouble talking to women, But i still always score with the women, My secret?

I can lick my farhead.

Good luck

Jonathan
Wow! I would love love to see that.

I love you!!!!!!!!!!
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