Do you think there are some situations in which it's ok to lead someone on? (how to, guy)

[stan4]

According to some posters, it's ok to do it especially if they are paying for the meals.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by Etain2

I don't know if this is the same or just similiar but I have a married friend (unhappily) who is having an affair with an unhappily married man. Neither one can leave for fianancial reasons unless they want to be homeless, not kidding. She has 2 teenagers, he is raising 3 young grandchildren his wife took in without talking it over with him ( I know him too so that I am sure of) the affair has been going on for 9 years. I don't ever see them being completely together but both get comfort from being together when they can, very infrequently. Both get what neither of their spouses give, love and attention. I was from the "don't cheat on your spouse" side until I see how much of a better mother she is, believe me before the affair she was just plain angry, miserable and always yelling at her boys...... to the point that it made other people uncomfortable! So I am happy they have each other after seeing the good that has come out of it.

Ok, like I said, never say never.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by Coolhand68

It's a slippery slope when you start taking on thoughts about whether or not you could have done something differently that would have made the difference in someone's suicide or tragic death.

In the case of your friend who was murdered, any number of things could have diverted his course and prevented him from being killed. He probably could have done 100 different things outside of his normal routine that may have made a difference. He could have made 100 different life choices. You can't carry that weight around with you.

Your co-workers suicide -- chances are there were a lot of other things going on that led her down that path. It's typically not just one thing that drives someone to the point they take their own life. I doubt you had the deciding factor at your fingertips or within your control.

Agreed with the suicide situation but thought of all three things and all three were sort of (and one for sure) leading on. I still think it didn't hurt to lead on coworker #1 in the first situation as she probably just had good feelings about their "love" and maybe found someone else.

In my case and the homicide (and after doing more research this morning) I now feel even worse and I do feel partly responsible. See, he had quit his job in another state and was moving to San Diego for me. Something came up that was really stupid that I didn't like so I took off for the weekend (as in out of town) without even telling him. By the time I returned he'd left town and I suppose had no where to go (having quit his job) so he settled in NM. Had I not done what I did and just dealt with the teeny tiny issue and had more character back then, I never would have left and maybe he would have moved to SD and maybe would still be alive. Anyway, maybe I sort of led him on as he did quit his job, after all. And I feel like a horrible person for it. So in that situation I don't think I meant to lead him on, but maybe I really was.

[Dewdrop93]

I don't really think it's okay to lead anyone on - however, I seem to have done it myself quite a few times with out realizing it. Ooops.

[donie1]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

Ok, VERY unattractrive coworker who never gets dates has secret relationship with married man, who gives her the impression she is very special, while most likely he will never leave his wife. I think in this case it's ok as it adds SOME happiness to her life even if she is deluded. Better to think she has something special and he might leave someday than feel miserably lonely every Sat. night.

Really. You think it's ok because this person is unattractive in your world and you think it brings her a little happiness in her life knowing she is being used? Wow. You're a piece of work. No, that married man is a user, player and lowlife. And karma will come around and bite him in his ass for what he's doing.

And for you to think it's ok is disturbing to me. It shows what type of person you are.

[donie1]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

No, I was just asking in general if there are any situations in which it's ok to lead someone on. I know in my family, warped or not, no one would saying you are dying and since I've never been close to it, I have no idea whether I'd know it or not.

For all I know he did care about her, but cared about his wife more or took his vows seriously. Maybe she found bliss.

What prompted this question is I learned yesterday that someone I'd been involved with was murdered in 1998 and I had to ask myself if I'd led him on. I had to ask myself if I'd done things differently if there would have been a different outcome. Then I remembered a coworker who committed suicide who was led on? and kept getting promoted despite her incompetence.

I still think in the case of the dying and to keep hope alive it's best to keep spirits up and not tell them their prognosis (is this leading someone on?) as it's their best chance at survival.

Anyway, I thought it was a thought provoking topic but I can see it's pretty black and white for most people.

There's nothing provoking about this subject. Just because YOU think this coworker was unattractive doesn't mean she deserves less because of her looks. Not everyone is obsessed with looks. Someone could love her for what she holds inside and what type of person she is.

And unless this person was a child, who wouldn't know they were dying? Doesn't make sense to assume what you are assuming that it's best not to know that you are dying.

And talking about black and white, I think it is YOU that is thinking in black and white, not others.

I did read on another thread that you posted about this person that was murdered but again, you gave no info on WHY you thought you might have saved him from being murdered. People make choices in life and sometimes they are fatal choices.

I guess for me, I'm not understanding your thought process in this thread or any of the threads that I read that you start. Sorry.

[Prince_Frog]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I don't really think it's okay to lead anyone on - however, I seem to have done it myself quite a few times with out realizing it. Ooops.

I've never lead people on, as I believe that's wrong, especially after being on the receiving end.

I have flirted many times without realizing it. An awful lot, too, and I am not ashamed of it!

[meh_whatever]

Originally Posted by stan4

According to some posters, it's ok to do it especially if they are paying for the meals.

I'd rep you if I could.

[meh_whatever]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I don't really think it's okay to lead anyone on - however, I seem to have done it myself quite a few times with out realizing it. Ooops.

Well, doing it unintentionally isn't the same thing as knowing full well and doing it anyway.

[meh_whatever]

Originally Posted by Prince_Frog

I have flirted many times without realizing it. An awful lot, too, and I am not ashamed of it!

Yeah. Same here. I'm a natural flirt.