Do you think there are some situations in which it's ok to lead someone on?

[Prince_Frog]

Originally Posted by meh_whatever

Yeah. Same here. I'm a natural flirt.

I'd say I'm a natural flirt also. I've gotten into trouble with my ex GFs because they would accuse me of flirting, and I thought I was just making conversation.

[Dewdrop93]

Originally Posted by Prince_Frog

I've never lead people on, as I believe that's wrong, especially after being on the receiving end.

I have flirted many times without realizing it. An awful lot, too, and I am not ashamed of it!

Originally Posted by meh_whatever

Yeah. Same here. I'm a natural flirt.

Originally Posted by Prince_Frog

I'd say I'm a natural flirt also. I've gotten into trouble with my ex GFs because they would accuse me of flirting, and I thought I was just making conversation.

This has been my problem, too. I think often times people think I'm flirting when I just think I'm talking. This is how I've unintentionally led people on. Or sometimes, I know they are interested, I let them know I'm not but I treat them the same way I did before. Somehow - this is often perceived as me leading them on... But I guess I always thought that as long as he knew I wasn't available - then I wouldn't be leading him on. This has happened quite a few times. Well, you live and you learn!

[donie1]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

Agreed with the suicide situation but thought of all three things and all three were sort of (and one for sure) leading on. I still think it didn't hurt to lead on coworker #1 in the first situation as she probably just had good feelings about their "love" and maybe found someone else.

In my case and the homicide (and after doing more research this morning) I now feel even worse and I do feel partly responsible. See, he had quit his job in another state and was moving to San Diego for me. Something came up that was really stupid that I didn't like so I took off for the weekend (as in out of town) without even telling him. By the time I returned he'd left town and I suppose had no where to go (having quit his job) so he settled in NM. Had I not done what I did and just dealt with the teeny tiny issue and had more character back then, I never would have left and maybe he would have moved to SD and maybe would still be alive. Anyway, maybe I sort of led him on as he did quit his job, after all. And I feel like a horrible person for it. So in that situation I don't think I meant to lead him on, but maybe I really was.

You can not hold yourself accountable for his death in NM but you can hold yourself accountable by your behavior on leading someone to quit their job in another state and then ditching them once they get there. But to feel guilty about his death is not your fault.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by donie1

You can not hold yourself accountable for his death in NM but you can hold yourself accountable by your behavior on leading someone to quit their job in another state and then ditching them once they get there. But to feel guilty about his death is not your fault.

Well, FWIW, we never even slept together before he quit his job (well, at one time we'd had a relationship and yes), but that had been years before. Still, I guess I just really feel bad that a good guy was taken out so horribly and it goes unsolved to this day. It's just uncanny I googled on him yesterday when 3 of the 4 suspects were released so I suppose that is the only way it made its way back up the pages of the Net.

Yes, I accept my responsibility but mostly just sad.

I still maintain that it's ok to lead someone on (even if it's something as simple as "hey, you are looking great these days!) even if you're not just to brighten someone's day, hence my general question. But I guess that's not really leading on, or is it? Someone could get the wrong idea from that statement I suppose. I am a believer in shades of gray.

[Georgianbelle]

Leading someone on is wrong, no matter what the circumstances are. Someone will always get hurt or care too much, and what is the point? I can't believe someone would do it to actually help someone without getting something out of it, whether it is power or just laughing behind their back about it. It is not a kind thing to do. For instance, if the OP knew about the situation she was talking about, it gave the guy a pat on the back. If it was truly to make someone feel better about themselves, why would anyone else need to know?

[LondonUSA]

Depends on age and how long you lead them on for. But it does seem harsh

[Saberai]

Leading someone on and then dump them to make them feel better is being narcissistic and naiive.

How do you know your co-worker was trying to have an affair with the married hot guy? Or it's just speculation because you don't think she's attractive enough to have a GUY talk to her to be JUST FRIENDS?

Just asking.

[WaltHowe]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

Ok, VERY unattractrive coworker who never gets dates has secret relationship with married man, who gives her the impression she is very special, while most likely he will never leave his wife. I think in this case it's ok as it adds SOME happiness to her life even if she is deluded. Better to think she has something special and he might leave someday than feel miserably lonely every Sat. night.

Me? I would rat the married guy out in a NY sec to his deluded wife.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

No, I was just asking in general if there are any situations in which it's ok to lead someone on. I know in my family, warped or not, no one would saying you are dying and since I've never been close to it, I have no idea whether I'd know it or not.

For all I know he did care about her, but cared about his wife more or took his vows seriously. Maybe she found bliss.

What prompted this question is I learned yesterday that someone I'd been involved with was murdered in 1998 and I had to ask myself if I'd led him on. I had to ask myself if I'd done things differently if there would have been a different outcome. Then I remembered a coworker who committed suicide who was led on? and kept getting promoted despite her incompetence.

I still think in the case of the dying and to keep hope alive it's best to keep spirits up and not tell them their prognosis (is this leading someone on?) as it's their best chance at survival.

Anyway, I thought it was a thought provoking topic but I can see it's pretty black and white for most people.

You are not responsible for anyone's life but your own. You cannot be held accountable. You really have no idea how things would have turned out if you reacted differently. I understand the nagging questions of "what if", but everyone is responsible for their own happiness and well-being.

I still maintain that it's ok to lead someone on (even if it's something as simple as "hey, you are looking great these days!) even if you're not just to brighten someone's day, hence my general question. But I guess that's not really leading on, or is it? Someone could get the wrong idea from that statement I suppose. I am a believer in shades of gray.

Yes, telling someone they look great is not leading on. When you lead someone on, you give them false hope. Whether you cannot make up your mind or your mind was already made up and you don't know how to say it, but still continuing to give this person false hope and keeping them in ignorant bliss is not the right thing to do ultimately.
You cannot put the burden on yourself of making someone else happy by lying to them. The truth may come out one day and break their spirit completely.