need advice- my 'right' or breaking a confidence?

[MrsRhythm]

And yet another. I especially agree with AK-Cathy - you don't know what trouble you will stir up. I say if it's not broke, don't fix it. Yes, it's too bad you won't get acknowledgment of your gift from your cousin, but that's the way life goes sometimes. We can't always have our way. Experiences like this help you become a better person and humility, as another person brought up, is something we could all use more of. I'm reminded of the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling, one of my favorites that I try to live by (not saying it's easy or that I succeed).

Try to find joy in knowing that you've helped ease the situation for a loved one benevolently and anonymously without any drama. :-) Maybe you could help out someone else in a similar fashion or even by different means (e.g. volunteering), from which you could better derive some acknowledgment and satisfaction.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by Outlier505

Thank you for the replies so far. I didn't know who to ask and it has brought some ease, even though I'd hoped replies would lean in the other direction.
I came to realize through this and other situations over the years that the wife doesn't much care how I feel, and doesn't feel bothered to explain. She does do drama, and I suspect that may be behind the silence in this case, make it all mysterious etc.

This thread may well continue and you may well receive responses more in the vein that you'd hoped for but I hope you'll stick with the general consensus thus far.

Remember too that you in all good faith "gave" the money with no expectation of repayment since you felt it repaid what she and her husband had given to you when you fell on rough times. Whatever you think of your cousin's wife and her "drama" issues, she has obviously made it clear that she viewed the money as a loan and expects to repay you. That should tell you something about her character in a good way.

I'd like to suggest that you talk to her and explain your angst while, at the same time, assuring her that her confidence won't be betrayed. Be as honest about the family situation as you have been on this forum. It might make her feel a lot better if you arrange a simple payment plan with her. If things are financially rough with her and her husband right now, suggest she pay you even just $5/week for now.

Both of you are coming from "pride" standpoints but even little regular payments can make both parties happy. I wish you all the very best in dealing with this. It's not the worst-case scenario. Take a breath, absorb and rationalize. You'll be the better person in the end. Cheers!

[akck]

Your problem is that you don't know what has transpired in that part of the family since you're estranged. The wife could be keeping them in the dark and being aloof with you because of things said that would be hurtful to you. If you tell your cousin, it would likely ruin your relationship with his wife and likely hurt her relationship with his family. Seems like a lose-lose option just so you can feel good that others know what you've done.