Nice guys only fail with the wrong type of women.. (marriage, personalities)
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The women rejecting you and yours have little to do with it. If your own sense of value is dependent on others then you're already shyte out of luck. Your feelings of depression probably stem from something physicochemical or your childhood, not random women that don't want to date you. I know this because men reject plenty. Both sexes get rejected from potential love interests, desired jobs/professions, schools, you name it. How we handle it depends on the stuff we're made of.
Good afternoon,
I definitely agree with the childhood aspect of how some people handle relationships and rejection from the outside sex.
Here's my question: How does this apply to those who are rejected almost 100%, or exactly 100% of the time? Would they not react differently and have a completely different outlook since they never have positive experiences to counter the negatives? I've seen more than a few who fall into this category, and I do sympathize with their depression (but not angry behavior of course).
Last edited by Freedom123; 05-10-2011 at 04:05 PM..
My own sense of value isn't dependent on others, but I still feel hurt when I can't succeed with a woman because I see it as some sort of failing on my part. One whose cause I cannot identify :| that's the worst part. If I KNEW what the hell it was about me that makes women never see me as more than a friend, I could actually change it. A good analogy is a sick person with an illness that no doctors seem to be able to find the cause of.
My own sense of value isn't dependent on others, but I still feel hurt when I can't succeed with a woman because I see it as some sort of failing on my part. One whose cause I cannot identify :| that's the worst part.
Funny that this is totally 100% the wrong way to look at it, but it's very difficult to avoid feeling that way. I'm the same way. I always felt like I failed their rubrics and had no idea why.
I definitely agree with the childhood aspect of how some people handle relationships and rejection from the outside sex.
Here's my question: How does this apply to those who are rejected almost 100%, or at 100% of the time? Would they not react differently and have a completely different outlook since they never have positive experiences to counter the negatives? I've seen more than a few who fall into this category, and I do sympathize with their depression (but not angry behavior of course).
Imo, 99% of us have an almost 100% chance of being rejected all the time. It just depends who we are shooting for. But, a lot of us choose to date within our league. I have no doubt that all these scary nice guys have standards and would just not date any old girl. I know this because one of my best friends is obese and very lonely. She has her issues and is rejected by the rejected.
Now, those who are rejected by almost everybody? As I noted previously, I think there are other, deeper issues going on.
Funny that this is totally 100% the wrong way to look at it, but it's very difficult to avoid feeling that way. I'm the same way. I always felt like I failed their rubrics and had no idea why.
I know. But when it happens over and over again, it makes you wonder. I really don't think I have unreasonably high standards, so I don't think that's it.
Imo, 99% of us have an almost 100% chance of being rejected all the time. It just depends who we are shooting for. But, a lot of us choose to date within our league. I have no doubt that all these scary nice guys have standards and would just not date any old girl. I know this because one of my best friends is obese and very lonely. She has her issues and is rejected by the rejected.
Now, those who are rejected by almost everybody? As I noted previously, I think there are other, deeper issues going on.
Good afternoon,
Thanks for the response. We all have our anecdotes, and I'm not trying to make mine into stats, but I've seen some truly good men get rejected by both the desirables and undesirables 100% of the time based on looks, finances, and other superficial reasons than anything about their personalities. I sympathize with them, because they really do put in the effort to treat women well and improve themselves as people.
The undesirable women I've known typically still found men to "entertain them" at least. I'm not saying that's good, but it's certainly better than 100% rejection in comparison if you're thirsty for affection.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if I were in either of their shoes.
Here's my question: How does this apply to those who are rejected almost 100%, or exactly 100% of the time? Would they not react differently and have a completely different outlook since they never have positive experiences to counter the negatives? I've seen more than a few who fall into this category, and I do sympathize with their depression (but not angry behavior of course).
If you're being rejected 100% of the time, then the first order of business is to look at what you're doing wrong. Imagine applying for jobs and 100% of the companies you applied to rejected you. Sure you'll start to lose hope and you might even start to take it personally. But will doing so bring you any closer to landing a job? Of course not. And it's the same with dating. Women can spot lack of confidence pretty easily and men who are angry at women and/or depressed over their lack of success with them will project these feelings, no matter how hard they try not to. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you're being rejected 100% of the time, then the first order of business is to look at what you're doing wrong. Imagine applying for jobs and 100% of the companies you applied to rejected you. Sure you'll start to lose hope and you might even start to take it personally. But will doing so bring you any closer to landing a job? Of course not. And it's the same with dating. Women can spot lack of confidence pretty easily and men who are angry at women and/or depressed over their lack of success with them will project these feelings, no matter how hard they try not to. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good afternoon,
That's the exact advice I give friends who have been in this situation. I tell them to reverse engineer the process and ask women who are their type why they aren't attractive and what they could do to improve that. If it's that important, they should hit the gym, see the dentist, improve clothing, work on personality and conversational skills, etc. I also tell them to find women who find their physical look, race (if it's a factor), height, hobbies, qualities, and personality attractive if they're using dating sites.
It's true that women can spot lack of confidence, but it's underestimated how one cannot gain confidence out of thin air in a field in which they have never gained success.
Remember, no one teaches these guys how to be successful with women. Also, they are told things by friends and family that contradict their experiences in the dating world. Everyone knows someone who was told "you're such a nice person" and "anyone would want to be with you" yet they fail constantly. That's a confidence killer if everyone they know thinks he's so nice yet women still reject them 100% of the time. It's even worse if the women who reject him also say so, and want to be his friend.
None of what I'm saying is in regards to fake nice guys, this is about genuinely nice men who still fail.
After years of being a nice guy and getting nowhere. I lowered my standards and went for the bad girl. Atleast SHE would sleep with me. LOL. As for the long term, I cant say.
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