Nice guys only fail with the wrong type of women.. (loving, attracted)
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Thanks for the response. We all have our anecdotes, and I'm not trying to make mine into stats, but I've seen some truly good men get rejected by both the desirables and undesirables 100% of the time based on looks, finances, and other superficial reasons than anything about their personalities.
I have a hard time buying it. For one, the impoverished have high birth rates globally. Finances don't make a darn bit of difference. We all know this. Looks don't matter all that much either. There are plenty of ugly, poor men that manage marriage and families. Again, we all know this. What you're probably failing to realize is that either A. what you consider to be a good man is not necessarily what the women your friends are going after consider to be good. Howie provided a great example of this earlier. Clearly, it's up for debate. B. Do you really know the type of women your friends are going for? If they're so great please, please pm me and lets hook them up with my girlfriend.
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I sympathize with them, because they really do put in the effort to treat women well and improve themselves as people.
The undesirable women I've known typically still found men to "entertain them" at least. I'm not saying that's good, but it's certainly better than 100% rejection in comparison if you're thirsty for affection.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if I were in either of their shoes.
As mentioned, I have little doubt that a majority of these rejected guys are shooting for women out of their league. When they wake up to the fact that they can't have anyone they want (as most of us come to realize when quite young), their dating life will probably change.
After years of being a nice guy and getting nowhere. I lowered my standards and went for the bad girl. Atleast SHE would sleep with me. LOL. As for the long term, I cant say.
I was like that for most of my life up to this point. I was never a doormat, but I was a nice guy who didn't know how to pursue women. I'm still not very good at it, but I'm much better than I used to be (I now have a great girlfriend whom I love very much). I tried reading books and looking online for advice but the truth is I was never successful because I was never the aggressor. Most nice guys who are single that I've known are very much like this.
There was ONE book I did read that really stuck with me. The emphasis was on being a strong, confident gentleman and being yourself. If you have those traits down, then all you need to do is learn the pursuit and make sure your picker is calibrated.
Or maybe it's time to reassess who to pursue. It's very easy to get rejected 100% of the time if you're only going after super models.
This falls under the heading of "Figure out what you're doing wrong." In this case, what you're doing wrong is going after the wrong people.
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Originally Posted by Freedom123
It's true that women can spot lack of confidence, but it's underestimated how one cannot gain confidence out of thin air in a field in which they have never gained success.
Confidence comes from finding something about yourself that you like. It could be your looks, your intelligence, your sense of humor, even your occupation. The point is that it makes you feel good about yourself and you project that confidence.
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Originally Posted by Braunwyn
As mentioned, I have little doubt that a majority of these rejected guys are shooting for women out of their league. When they wake up to the fact that they can't have anyone they want (as most of us come to realize when quite young), their dating life will probably change.
Part of the reason why these guys set their standards so high is because they want to feel like they're just as good as the guys who are successful. By lowering their standards, they fear it sends the message that they're inferior.
Part of the reason why these guys set their standards so high is because they want to feel like they're just as good as the guys who are successful. By lowering their standards, they fear it sends the message that they're inferior.
Agreed. I suppose, ultimately, that's a message for themselves and maybe they have to deal with the fact that they are not who they wish to be. Not that they're inferior, to be clear, but not their ideal. Again, tho, that seems to be a common issue, something we all have to contend with to some degree. Some manage and some don't. The why's to it are interesting.
As mentioned, I have little doubt that a majority of these rejected guys are shooting for women out of their league.
So what should I be shooting for? I want a girl who I find physically attractive (doesn't have to be a bombshell, cute works too), is intelligent and a good student, likes to have fun, prefers smaller nights out (as opposed to going to clubs etc), and is faithful. Is that really so much to ask? I myself am not a troll, I am smart and get good grades, I do like to have fun and I prefer smaller nights out.
I've found a few women who meet most of those (admittedly flexible) criteria yet not one wants to be more than a friend.
So what should I be shooting for? I want a girl who I find physically attractive (doesn't have to be a bombshell, cute works too), is intelligent and a good student, likes to have fun, prefers smaller nights out (as opposed to going to clubs etc), and is faithful. Is that really so much to ask? I myself am not a troll, I am smart and get good grades, I do like to have fun and I prefer smaller nights out.
I've found a few women who meet most of those (admittedly flexible) criteria yet not one wants to be more than a friend.
If you are getting rejected by those who are squarely in your league then start examining yourself. If you are not desirable to them then you'll have to learn how to become desirable. It's a very confusing and unfair process. So goes life I suppose.
Maybe you are not doing anything wrong, you just haven't found the right person yet. It's not as if your perfect match is going to be found on every corner, so why expect to meet her so quickly and easily? I feel that people are often too impatient to wait for the right person and make big mistakes because of it.
Strive to be the best person you can be, enjoy your life, and be open to all its possibilities. Things have a way of falling into place at just the right time.
So what should I be shooting for? I want a girl who I find physically attractive (doesn't have to be a bombshell, cute works too), is intelligent and a good student, likes to have fun, prefers smaller nights out (as opposed to going to clubs etc), and is faithful. Is that really so much to ask? I myself am not a troll, I am smart and get good grades, I do like to have fun and I prefer smaller nights out.
I've found a few women who meet most of those (admittedly flexible) criteria yet not one wants to be more than a friend.
My girlfriend says the same thing. I don't know if it's too much to ask. The fact of the matter is that her guy friends don't find her attractive for whatever reasons. And she, surprisingly, does not want to date a man that she doesn't find attractive- like perhaps a guy that is a bit shorter than her. What can you do? You just might not be attractive enough for those you find attractive. Maybe it's time to stretch the mind a bit.
If you are getting rejected by those who are squarely in your league then start examining yourself. If you are not desirable to them then you'll have to learn how to become desirable. It's a very confusing and unfair process. So goes life I suppose.
As Denny and a few others have noted in the past days/weeks, one issue men might have is that their self-assessment might be off the mark.
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