have you ever met a person who like to date but there kids make it hard to date them (guy, looking)
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i have four kids from the age of 27 to 32 and i like kids and i'm turning 52 here on the 26th of may ..but i do not like some kids no matter what who think i'm going to be the bad guy in the picture because they think they can force there parents to do things ..
She has told her daughter that you have two choices in this area ..one live with the fact that me and your father are not getting back togerther two both me and your father has moved on and now liveing our lifes so get used to the fact that you are part of the package but we are going to live our lifes and there is nothing you can do about it ..
my daughters tell me that you have to roll with the punch in the relationship ..but i have got to a point in this one to go forward or hang back intill the kid is saighted out by both parents ...
Haveing met her dad and sit down with him and had lunch with him and his girlfriend and i figure out the kid is problem in the picture from talking to his girlfriend about how she acted with her on a outting with them togerther ..
i have four kids from the age of 27 to 32 and i like kids and i'm turning 52 here on the 26th of may ..but i do not like some kids no matter what who think i'm going to be the bad guy in the picture because they think they can force there parents to do things ..
She has told her daughter that you have two choices in this area ..one live with the fact that me and your father are not getting back togerther two both me and your father has moved on and now liveing our lifes so get used to the fact that you are part of the package but we are going to live our lifes and there is nothing you can do about it ..
my daughters tell me that you have to roll with the punch in the relationship ..but i have got to a point in this one to go forward or hang back intill the kid is saighted out by both parents ...
Haveing met her dad and sit down with him and had lunch with him and his girlfriend and i figure out the kid is problem in the picture from talking to his girlfriend about how she acted with her on a outting with them togerther ..
Especially the part about you having a sit-down with the young lady's father and HIS girlfriend, and getting background from the girlfriend on how daughter acted out around her...
The best possible scenario here, is that Mom and Dad have a stern, strong talk with their daughter and let her know she needs to pipe down with all her tantrums...it's understandable, of course, that she's upset, because she really wants her parents to get along and stay together---what child wouldn't in a situation like that, honestly?
But truth be told, anyone who comes into their parents' lives upon separation/divorce is gonna be looked at like Darth Vader or Witch Wanda, til barriers come down, and actual conversation occurs, and the kids take the time to get to know that new person...good luck to you and your new friend, and I hope everything 'shakes out' to a peaceful resolution
i have four kids from the age of 27 to 32 and i like kids and i'm turning 52 here on the 26th of may ..but i do not like some kids no matter what who think i'm going to be the bad guy in the picture because they think they can force there parents to do things ..
She has told her daughter that you have two choices in this area ..one live with the fact that me and your father are not getting back togerther two both me and your father has moved on and now liveing our lifes so get used to the fact that you are part of the package but we are going to live our lifes and there is nothing you can do about it ..
my daughters tell me that you have to roll with the punch in the relationship ..but i have got to a point in this one to go forward or hang back intill the kid is saighted out by both parents ...
Haveing met her dad and sit down with him and had lunch with him and his girlfriend and i figure out the kid is problem in the picture from talking to his girlfriend about how she acted with her on a outting with them togerther ..
Sorry, Henry, but I'm not so quick to paint you as the hero in this one.
The truth is, thirteen is a hard age. No, it's not nice when a teenager acts like a brat, but guess what? It happens! Also, I have to have a little sympathy for the girl. You seem to have a pretty cavalier attitude about how you're going to do this and that and seem to care very little how it might affect her. It's clear that your priorities are to get with her mom, and who cares if she's tossed aside like the garbage. Who knows how you did as a parent (the fact that you had 4 children does little to impress me--we're not hearing from them about how much of a comfort you were), but as a potential step-parent, it's clear you still have a LOT to learn.
If you can't be a little more understanding and a little less "me, me, me" then you have no business dating anyone with a child.
Sorry, Henry, but I'm not so quick to paint you as the hero in this one.
The truth is, thirteen is a hard age. No, it's not nice when a teenager acts like a brat, but guess what? It happens! Also, I have to have a little sympathy for the girl. You seem to have a pretty cavalier attitude about how you're going to do this and that and seem to care very little how it might affect her. It's clear that your priorities are to get with her mom, and who cares if she's tossed aside like the garbage. Who knows how you did as a parent (the fact that you had 4 children does little to impress me--we're not hearing from them about how much of a comfort you were), but as a potential step-parent, it's clear you still have a LOT to learn.
If you can't be a little more understanding and a little less "me, me, me" then you have no business dating anyone with a child.
Yes i know that 13 is a hard age for young person to be for it age where you go from a child to a young adulthood and you are going have some problems adusting to the change .
It also the time of the first crush and first kiss along with alot of first that comes into your life from a child to teenager ..
in the 7 months that i have date this women i have tried to do as much as i can to get her to come out with me and her mother as a group to do things along with the fact she has done the same thing with her father girlfriend ..
Plus given the fact that the person tells you right before you get on the plane that they have feeling towards you and what is you thoughts on this
Along with when you get back into town we need to sit down and have a talk about if we are keeping it at the level we are at or we going to take it farther down the road that we are on ..
Her Grandparents where in town one week from Vt right after thankgiveing weekend and we all tried to set down and have dinner togerther as a group and her Grandparents where like sorry for her actions dureing the dinner ..
If i asked her a question i got nothing not a word out of her or if the father girlfriend kay ask her a question same thing .. it was like we where not there at the table and finialy her mother and father took her outside and had a talk to her about her actions at the table ..
Both grandparents where like i'm sorry for her actions tonight as mom and dad took her outside to talk to her dureing the time they where go both of them said i'm sorry for her actions and please forgive her actions at the dinner table tonight ..
Her mother invited her father and his girlfriend and i was invited to go to dinner and we meet up at the place and have dinner togerther as a group it was like trying to deal with a oncomeing train wreck you knew it was come and you knew you had to deal with it at some point dureing the night ..
The funny thing was about three days later both her mom and dad had to leave town we went out as group again but without her because we found a babysitter to watch her and had a great time as a group of people ..
We are at the table laughing and haveing a good time and her mother starts to tell a little dirt on her and she get my phone and calls one of the girls in the family and ask for dirt on me to help spead it around as she calls it
So my kids sent her a pictures of me and my father as kids that has on it who the dad and who the kid in the framed picture and a second picture of us rolling around in a pile of dirt behind the house but naked right after the one pictures was taken with each shot side by side of us as 3 year old tolders at the time ..
it a picture of us as kids in a round tin wash tub with us standing in the bath water with our arms open wide and peeing off the back pouch at my grandmother house in Utah and the second picture of us as kids butt naked rolling around in the dirt right after both had a bath
Why our grandmother called us the nickname of pigpen in the family because of those baby pictures because we both like beening dirty to clean at that age
so it was a fun just us as adults in the outing
I know that sunday are going to have the talk with her at the mom place there in the city along with the grandparents and her father are going to be there also to be in on the talk to her ..
Single/divorced people with children need to worry more about raising their children then dating and sexing. All too often the new man or woman that would be thrust into this child/children's life honestly wants nothing to do with them so the child is marginalized.
Child comes first, especially at that age. She is starting her teens and mom is going to need to be a big part of her life. Do you know what it's like to come from a broken home? If you do then be more sympathetic. You should of followed your own advice and not dated someone with a kid. Sounds like you are being as selfish as the daughter.
Single/divorced people with children need to worry more about raising their children then dating and sexing. All too often the new man or woman that would be thrust into this child/children's life honestly wants nothing to do with them so the child is marginalized.
Quote:
Originally Posted by behindthescreen
Child comes first, especially at that age. She is starting her teens and mom is going to need to be a big part of her life. Do you know what it's like to come from a broken home? If you do then be more sympathetic. You should of followed your own advice and not dated someone with a kid. Sounds like you are being as selfish as the daughter.
Yes i agree with you both but what happen when the mothers tells you those three little words to you before you get on a plane and she tells me that you do not have to say them back to me and i letting you know what is going on inside my head .. ..
Yes i agree with you both but what happen when the mothers tells you those three little words to you before you get on a plane and she tells me that you do not have to say them back to me and i letting you know what is going on inside my head .. ..
Then this woman either playing head games or does not have her priorities straight. And why would you decide to attach yourself to a person whose main priorities in life are skewed?
There are many self-centered and/or needy, single mothers (and fathers) who will put their own needs above those of the child. It is up to the other person to either not play a part in the complicated dynamics or be realistic enough to understand that the other person's child/children should always come first even if that means sacrificing your romantic relationship with them.
It has always baffled me that some will actually view people who neglect their own offspring for the sake of a new relationship as a "good catch". The only thing that it means is, if you have to get together and start a family with that person then breakup, that person will push your children to the side in the exact same disposable way. Its like deciding to have children with a man that doesn't pay child support for his existing children. Or having children with a woman who has sent her other children off to be raised by their grandparents, aunts, etc.
At any rate, the last thing that this young girl needs to deal with is a new man in mommy's life while she is getting ready to experience hormones, burgeoning sexuality and all of the glory of teenaged angst. You should respectfully bow out of this relationship and allow this child to have a less complicated path to adulthood.
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Good For You Henry
