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Old 05-07-2011, 12:28 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,480,642 times
Reputation: 2707
Default What do you think happened here?

I have this good international friend that I've known for a very long time. She is 99% congenial, but has been known to drop her friends because they offend her in some indirect manner.

About 2 years ago she stopped responding to all my emails. Initially I didn't even realize that she wasn't writing back until maybe a year had lapsed and several messages went unanswered. I thought her mail filter was putting my mail in the junk pile, so I wrote all her email addresses from all my different email accounts including ones that shouldn't be blocked. Still no response. Tried Skype but no response - she would log out shortly after I log on. Checked her FB (from somebody else's acct since I don't have one) and she was actively posting - nothing regarding personal hardships. So I kind of chalked it up to her not wanting to communicate with me.

Then I got a postcard from her yesterday saying she would love to hear from me. ??? Is it possible that the internet is such a comedy of errors that it could drop all the communication attempts? I can't think of anything I might have done to offend her. I guess I will have to snail mail her or something since that might be the only way to contact her reliably, but I'm already exhausted from my previous attempts and feel somewhat un-enthused. It's very easy for me to disengage from others.
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Old 05-07-2011, 12:46 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,198,203 times
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Sounds like she was avoiding you for some reason and now wants contact. For me it doesn't work that way. If you're having problems in life, just shot me a quick email and tell me that you're having trouble and will contact when all is well. But don't ignore me and then a couple of years down the road when maybe everyone else is out of your life because of your behavior try to re-connect with some friends.

Sounds like she's not good at communicating.
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Old 05-07-2011, 03:52 PM
 
2,145 posts, read 2,463,491 times
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First, how can it take a year for you to not realize she is ignoring you?

When people are hot and cold, I figure they don't really like me, but need me for something. This happens with dating sometimes. You meet someone who is needy and they give you some attention for a while then get flakey for an unknown reason. I then blow it off and they contact me again. Of course, it's because something happened bad to them, like they got rejected and are seeking validation. As expected, they disappear again.

It could also be that they want to hit you up for a loan or they are coming into town and want to say at your place, because they are too cheap for a hotel.

All I know for sure, is that she ignored you, when you were reaching out, so screw her.
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Old 05-07-2011, 04:06 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,543,498 times
Reputation: 1899
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I have this good international friend that I've known for a very long time. She is 99% congenial, but has been known to drop her friends because they offend her in some indirect manner.

About 2 years ago she stopped responding to all my emails. Initially I didn't even realize that she wasn't writing back until maybe a year had lapsed and several messages went unanswered. I thought her mail filter was putting my mail in the junk pile, so I wrote all her email addresses from all my different email accounts including ones that shouldn't be blocked. Still no response. Tried Skype but no response - she would log out shortly after I log on. Checked her FB (from somebody else's acct since I don't have one) and she was actively posting - nothing regarding personal hardships. So I kind of chalked it up to her not wanting to communicate with me.

Then I got a postcard from her yesterday saying she would love to hear from me. ??? Is it possible that the internet is such a comedy of errors that it could drop all the communication attempts? I can't think of anything I might have done to offend her. I guess I will have to snail mail her or something since that might be the only way to contact her reliably, but I'm already exhausted from my previous attempts and feel somewhat un-enthused. It's very easy for me to disengage from others.
If you did do something to offend her, she ignored you in order to put the ball in your court. I know that it may seem like the ball is in her court but for some reason, it works for me the other way around.

The easiest thing to do is to start the relationship slow since she made communication with you. Remember, the ball is in your court, now you are going to put it in hers.

Make sure that when you send her a letter, that she sends one back to you in a manner that you feel is pleasing. If you write and ask about the weather, expect her to write something similar in return. If she writes back detailing a problem she is having, don't try to help her. Just say, "go with your gut feeling." That you do for very, very, very good friends. Not ones that drop off the face of the Earth.
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Old 05-07-2011, 10:34 PM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,329,773 times
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Maybe she has something going on. I'd say give her the benefit of doubt for now. If she really got that mad for an insignificant reason just let her go, shes probably a bit mentally abnormal.

Just try to be friendly with her and you can maybe find out more.
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Old 05-08-2011, 02:38 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,480,642 times
Reputation: 2707
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
First, how can it take a year for you to not realize she is ignoring you?
We only write or see each other once every 3-6 months for the past 15 years... so if she doesn't write back it doesn't quite register immediately. And I'm not totally sure she is actually ignoring me because there is not a good reason given that we don't interact that frequently and we never say anything weird, unsupportive, or unpleasant. Her tone in the postcard was really cordial, as if nothing had happened and nothing was wrong. She didn't change her email contact info either. It is very strange to me.

Maybe I will email her husband instead since she included both his and her emails in the correspondence. It seems so old fashioned to be snail mailing nowadays but I guess since I quit FB communication with people who use FB as their dominant form of communication has become a bit more annoying. But I really don't want employers snooping.
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Old 05-08-2011, 02:40 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,480,642 times
Reputation: 2707
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorhe33 View Post
Maybe she has something going on. I'd say give her the benefit of doubt for now. If she really got that mad for an insignificant reason just let her go, shes probably a bit mentally abnormal.

Just try to be friendly with her and you can maybe find out more.
For sure I will try to give her benefit of doubt since I can't fathom why she'd be mad... and it's really unlike her to act irrational or immature... I'll ask her about the lost emails too but like you said, maybe at a later time.
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Old 05-08-2011, 07:31 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 2,568,169 times
Reputation: 3877
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I have this good international friend that I've known for a very long time. She is 99% congenial, but has been known to drop her friends because they offend her in some indirect manner.

About 2 years ago she stopped responding to all my emails. Initially I didn't even realize that she wasn't writing back until maybe a year had lapsed and several messages went unanswered. I thought her mail filter was putting my mail in the junk pile, so I wrote all her email addresses from all my different email accounts including ones that shouldn't be blocked. Still no response. Tried Skype but no response - she would log out shortly after I log on. Checked her FB (from somebody else's acct since I don't have one) and she was actively posting - nothing regarding personal hardships. So I kind of chalked it up to her not wanting to communicate with me.

Then I got a postcard from her yesterday saying she would love to hear from me. ??? Is it possible that the internet is such a comedy of errors that it could drop all the communication attempts? I can't think of anything I might have done to offend her. I guess I will have to snail mail her or something since that might be the only way to contact her reliably, but I'm already exhausted from my previous attempts and feel somewhat un-enthused. It's very easy for me to disengage from others.
Is it possible that she went through a rough patch? While I appreciate the trend to post everything on Facebook from what one had for breakfast to the exact nature of one's toe fungus, it's possible that she did have some personal problems and wanted to take a break. I know the "right" response is to reach out to friends for help, or to share that you just need some time, but human beings are flawed and often we don't respond the "right" way when we're going through a time of personal stress.

So, if she made the effort to send a card, I would think about sending one back. Even if you're not hot on the idea of staying in contact now, it leaves the door open for later.
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Old 05-13-2011, 02:55 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,480,642 times
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I decided to go for quick answer via email. I guess it was all email glitches after all... she said she responded to my emails and thought I was the one who wasn't responding because I was too busy. Freaking technology... can't trust it.
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Old 05-13-2011, 09:22 AM
 
1,466 posts, read 2,310,212 times
Reputation: 957
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I have this good international friend that I've known for a very long time. She is 99% congenial, but has been known to drop her friends because they offend her in some indirect manner.

About 2 years ago she stopped responding to all my emails. Initially I didn't even realize that she wasn't writing back until maybe a year had lapsed and several messages went unanswered. I thought her mail filter was putting my mail in the junk pile, so I wrote all her email addresses from all my different email accounts including ones that shouldn't be blocked. Still no response. Tried Skype but no response - she would log out shortly after I log on. Checked her FB (from somebody else's acct since I don't have one) and she was actively posting - nothing regarding personal hardships. So I kind of chalked it up to her not wanting to communicate with me.

Then I got a postcard from her yesterday saying she would love to hear from me. ??? Is it possible that the internet is such a comedy of errors that it could drop all the communication attempts? I can't think of anything I might have done to offend her. I guess I will have to snail mail her or something since that might be the only way to contact her reliably, but I'm already exhausted from my previous attempts and feel somewhat un-enthused. It's very easy for me to disengage from others.
She probably fell in love and long distant "friends" naturally fell by the wayside.

Was your post card really personalized or something generic? Could be she's mass post carding and doesn't really remember who you are or that she stopped talking to you.
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