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It seems to me that you are still burdened by your past if you're mentioning it as a reason for why someone would want to run from you.
Although there is no harm in fantasizing about a good-looking man, it seems clear that your art is the priority here for you. Personally, I think art is one of the healthiest outlets there is, and were I in your shoes, and I got such fulfillment from it, there's no way I'd let a man get in the way. Stick to your purpose if that's what is important to you.
If anything, it's kind of creepy that he's not taking "no" for an answer. He's not respecting your boundaries. I don't know you from Eve, so this is just from the outside looking in, but the fact that you don't recognize this suggests that maybe your past is not as far behind you as you think.
If that's not enough to give you pause, think about this: Not respecting boundaries is bad enough from anyone, but from someone who knows about your history and prior abuse, it's a huge red flag. At best, he may have White Knight Syndrome and see you as someone to rescue. At worst, he may see you as an easy mark--for a quick roll in the hay or for something far worse, like his own domination and abuse.
Far-fetched? Only you can decide that. Just that you've given someone deeply personal information about you when you don't know him very well, and now he's coming on to you stronger than before. From out here in the ether, that looks sketchy on his part.
My advice to you would be to take a step back and ask yourself what you would tell a girlfriend in this situation. Then heed your own advice.
THIS! That I bolded. Our art is very important to everyone who is working in the group, I can't tell you what a godsend it's been. We cut right through all the bs and get right to what's important -- the art. Who's doing what, who's having a show, which art and artists we like or hate, we can argue passionately and loudly about art artART!
So, yeah, you called it, Yzette, and you're right, he might just want a 'quick roll in the hay' (and I am tempted, so tempted, but that would be really bad for me, I know).
The part where you say he 'knows my history and prior abuse', no, he doesn't know anything about that, and that's kind of the beauty of this group. I am most likely not the only person with difficult things in my past, but we are all in the same room almost every week-night focusing on art and leaving the sad, bad, confusing world outside the door. So this attention from this beautiful guy has smacked me on the head. You're right, I need to stay focused and just forget the other stuff that could kill my participation in this group.
Please be nice. I am looking for experiences or stories on how this worked out for you, and maybe a little gentle advice.
My dear, it's just a number. Nobody NEEDS to know how old you are, and frankly no one should really care.
When I was 39 I dated a 20 year old and was open to a long-term relationship. Come to think of it, when I was about 34 I fooled around with a 15 year old, but I didn't want to go to jail, so I stopped. LOL
Anyway, if you like him and he likes you, nothing else should matter. I would definitely discuss the relationship at some point, because many younger men think that you are just interested in them for sex. If you are interested in a "real" relationship, you need to make sure he understands that.
Otherwise, there is no need to mention the age thing. It's irrelevant.
I don't know, I've dated some pretty uptight hotties.
Maybe it helps on the subconscious level, but I've never experienced any movement from a relaxed air. *shrug*
I've thought about this -- why do I get so much attention now, from so many younger guys? A theory? I don't give off that desperate "omg, must breed now, my eggs are dying" vibe like some women do in their 20's - 30's (and maybe even I did).
At this point, I just enjoy hanging out with men, women too, but I really, really enjoy men. They are funny and cute, and I like their smell and their low voices and all the interesting facial hair. I like their ego posturing and their assumptions. But when a man says he wants to "date me" (what does that mean anyway) I run away like a scared bunny rabbit. Weird, I know.
I've thought about this -- why do I get so much attention now, from so many younger guys? A theory? I don't give off that desperate "omg, must breed now, my eggs are dying" vibe like some women do in their 20's - 30's (and maybe even I did).
At this point, I just enjoy hanging out with men, women too, but I really, really enjoy men. They are funny and cute, and I like their smell and their low voices and all the interesting facial hair. I like their ego posturing and their assumptions. But when a man says he wants to "date me" (what does that mean anyway) I run away like a scared bunny rabbit. Weird, I know.
ALL women who are 40+ and in reasonable physical condition gets younger guys chasing after them. They have heard that the sex will be better, the drama will be lower, and finally that the women will be more grateful. Really, it's that simple. Your being overly flattered by it is a part of the game.
I know people feel differently whan the man is older than in your situation, but I just heard a neat story. My friend's doctor, a woman, is in her 50s and her husband is 91. On the doctor's first day of residency at a new hospital, she walked off the elevator and one of the established doctors said, "I'm going to marry her", and he did. They have been married over 30 years.
I met my husband when I was 45 and he was 33. The age difference has never been an issue. Prior to my husband, I dated men as much as 18 years younger and again, age was never a factor.
I met my husband when I was 45 and he was 33. The age difference has never been an issue. Prior to my husband, I dated men as much as 18 years younger and again, age was never a factor.
Wow, Seattlite, you must be super-de-uber confident. Would you like to tell more about this? How do women not say when approached by someone 18 years younger than them -- I am old enough to be your mom! -- because that's what I say. I just can't take that attention seriously, maybe I'm wrong?
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