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Old 05-09-2011, 09:30 AM
 
11 posts, read 25,836 times
Reputation: 15

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I am not even 20 yet, I am a 17 year old male who is about to finish high school. The high school I am attending (and am soon to graduate from thank god) is mostly East Asian and White. There are sprinkles of Hispanics and other races here. Since this town talks about location it isn't like I live in a small conservative, I live in the progressive state of New Jersey.

Interracial dating among Whites and East Asians are extremely common here. Hispanics and Whites even date each other and everyone does. Our town went for Obama in 2008 so we are like big believers in diversity and stuff.

It seems though everyone hates my people in this state. I am an Indian male, parents came to the US when I was 7. First we lived in California then at the age of 10 we moved to New jersey. People here have called me the most racist things, made curry jokes left to right, have imitated Indian accents repeatedly in front of my face (although my accent is more American), and my colleagues have told me things like I should be grateful of arranged marriages because it isn't like any other woman would want an Indian man anyways. We are an Americanized family and everything and we don't even eat Indian food that often. I try to be confident but having girls say "eeewwww sand ******s" gets on my nerves, a lot of girls say the worst thing about guys of my background here.

I looked at the internet as means of safety and advice by doing a google search, unfortunately the same racial content stayed and at times it was even worse.

Another problem is I am not that tanned, family is from the North of India so I get mistaken for Middle Eastern quite a lot which is not very good here in this state.

You guys will just say stick with Indian women but I believe if all other men are having the experience of dating out then why can't I?

I don't even know if getting out of this state will do any good since people say this is a blue state and racism here is a lot less than it would be in other places. I try to present myself as a real man but people here judge me as nothing more than an Indian. It is like I am wearing a Scarlett Letter.....
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Old 05-09-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,542,478 times
Reputation: 39865
Two thoughts you'd do well to accept and remember...

High school is but a small part of life, which you can easily leave behind upon graduation

Real men don't blame anyone, or anything else for their failure to find a woman. Not their height, not their bank acct, not their parents, not their boss, and not their race.

Real men always take full responsibility for where they find themselves in life, then work to correct whatever they are unhappy about in that life.

Now, get busy
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Old 05-09-2011, 09:40 AM
 
Location: London
1,587 posts, read 3,242,717 times
Reputation: 1324
You may not believe it now, but in a year or two you won't give a damn what happened back in high school. Once you go to college or the workplace, you'll meet new people who come from different places and perhaps are more open-minded.
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Old 05-09-2011, 09:41 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,465 posts, read 39,980,557 times
Reputation: 41916
I agree with others, high school is a small part of your life. Just hang in til then, go to college, then work...... it will be ok.
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Baltimore
1,024 posts, read 2,006,167 times
Reputation: 1168
High school is rough. Today's teenagers can be among the most oblivious and ignorant people you'll ever deal with. My advice is to stick your head down, do your work, and get the heck out of there and into a large university that accepts diversity. My best years were in college, and I would never want to go back to high school. I wasn't a social misfit and generally got along with most of my classmates, but I've always been somewhat of a free-thinker and skeptic (which automatically made me a minority) and didn't really find my fit until college.

I'm coming up on my 10 year class reunion later this year. Most of the bullies from my high school (also in NJ) whom I've met up with after we graduated are pretty much still losers. Some of the girls I was interested in during those years have children by different fathers (and broadcast these things via Facebook), let themselves go, and are generally women I would have to lower my standards to be with now. Those are the same women who turned me down quite harshly during high school. I wouldn't wish their circumstances on them, but it's funny to see where life took all of us, and funnier knowing what pedestal I had them on 10-15 years ago.

It's gonna get better. You have so much life to live that, as another poster said, these years will be forgotten about quickly.
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:50 AM
 
11 posts, read 25,836 times
Reputation: 15
so people in the real professional world won't be like this?

Is my background really a big deal out of high school? I thought young people were supposed to be more open minded. Anyways I just feel left out, now I think that no matter how I present myself, me being a certain background will limit my success. I mean when is the last time you saw an Indian male with a non-Indian wife.
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:52 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,830,793 times
Reputation: 3964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abide32 View Post
I am not even 20 yet, I am a 17 year old male who is about to finish high school. The high school I am attending (and am soon to graduate from thank god) is mostly East Asian and White. There are sprinkles of Hispanics and other races here. Since this town talks about location it isn't like I live in a small conservative, I live in the progressive state of New Jersey.

Interracial dating among Whites and East Asians are extremely common here. Hispanics and Whites even date each other and everyone does. Our town went for Obama in 2008 so we are like big believers in diversity and stuff.

I looked at the internet as means of safety and advice by doing a google search, unfortunately the same racial content stayed and at times it was even worse. Another problem is I am not that tanned, family is from the North of India so I get mistaken for Middle Eastern quite a lot which is not very good here in this state.

You guys will just say stick with Indian women but I believe if all other men are having the experience of dating out then why can't I? I don't even know if getting out of this state will do any good since people say this is a blue state and racism here is a lot less than it would be in other places. I try to present myself as a real man but people here judge me as nothing more than an Indian. It is like I am wearing a Scarlett Letter.....
First of all, I am sorry people are being mean to you. Some people are just jerks in high school. Some grow out of it with time, and others stay jerky. I know that doesn't make it feel better right now, but a lot of the time when you go to college, it gets better. Most of the people who are being complete morons don't get into college, and most of the people who you'll be taking classes with will have more important things to worry about.

It won't make you feel any better, but I have to tell you that your experience is NOT unique. Most people go through periods in their life when they just don't have a lot of luck dating. They blame it on all sorts of things... women don't like them because they're too short, too skinny, too stocky, too shy, too nerdy, because they've never had a girlfriend... if you'll look on the threads on this forum, you'll see every excuse under the sun. The situation is no different for girls. They get rejected too for being too tall/short, boobs too small or butt too big, this race or that, too successful, has kids, whatever.

I would try several things. First, just survive high school. There really will be fewer morons in college. When you get to college, examine your approach. Are you approaching women of all races? Are you flirting with them? Are you asking them out? I know several Indian friends who did want to marry within their race... it's not that uncommon. Girls may be assuming that you wouldn't be interested, which is why you'll have to be proactive. Remember that everyone, male and female alike experiences rejection when dating. It is not something unique to you, or unique to being Indian. If you want to find a girlfriend you have to develop thicker skin and put yourself out there.

Are you getting involved in lots of social activities where you meet girls and interact with them regularly? Remember that no one is entitled to anything in the dating world. It is what you make of it, and bitterness and resentment are highly unattractive. Don't go out there with a chip on your shoulder because girls wouldn't give you the time of day in high school. Doing so will only guarantee that girls won't give you the time of day in college. Instead, present an attractive person and be assertive in asking for dates. Don't make excuses for yourself, try to blame lack of success on race or anything else, and work to figure out what it is you are looking for in a potential girlfriend.
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:55 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,830,793 times
Reputation: 3964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abide32 View Post
so people in the real professional world won't be like this?

Is my background really a big deal out of high school? I thought young people were supposed to be more open minded.
You will find idiots in every walk of life. College should be better because the worst of the worst won't be able to get in, most likely.

Some young people are more open-minded. Others aren't. Others insist they are, but only on certain issues. They might say, "I'm not racist. See how I'm dating a Hispanic guy?" while still turning their nose up at you. It's hypocritical.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:09 AM
 
20 posts, read 35,813 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abide32 View Post
I am not even 20 yet, I am a 17 year old male who is about to finish high school. The high school I am attending (and am soon to graduate from thank god) is mostly East Asian and White. There are sprinkles of Hispanics and other races here. Since this town talks about location it isn't like I live in a small conservative, I live in the progressive state of New Jersey.

Interracial dating among Whites and East Asians are extremely common here. Hispanics and Whites even date each other and everyone does. Our town went for Obama in 2008 so we are like big believers in diversity and stuff.

It seems though everyone hates my people in this state. I am an Indian male, parents came to the US when I was 7. First we lived in California then at the age of 10 we moved to New jersey. People here have called me the most racist things, made curry jokes left to right, have imitated Indian accents repeatedly in front of my face (although my accent is more American), and my colleagues have told me things like I should be grateful of arranged marriages because it isn't like any other woman would want an Indian man anyways. We are an Americanized family and everything and we don't even eat Indian food that often. I try to be confident but having girls say "eeewwww sand ******s" gets on my nerves, a lot of girls say the worst thing about guys of my background here.

I looked at the internet as means of safety and advice by doing a google search, unfortunately the same racial content stayed and at times it was even worse.

Another problem is I am not that tanned, family is from the North of India so I get mistaken for Middle Eastern quite a lot which is not very good here in this state.

You guys will just say stick with Indian women but I believe if all other men are having the experience of dating out then why can't I?

I don't even know if getting out of this state will do any good since people say this is a blue state and racism here is a lot less than it would be in other places. I try to present myself as a real man but people here judge me as nothing more than an Indian. It is like I am wearing a Scarlett Letter.....
The fact remains that American society on an average is extremely hateful of Indians, and all the racial taunts you have faced from their kids are a reflection of the kind of social conditioning they have undergone. You could try a million things, but at the end of the day, your perception in this part of the world would only be negative. Dating an American girl although not unconstitutional is a social taboo and would be frowned upon, the girl would most probably be put down and ridiculed by her friends by giving a chance to an Indian guy.

All that said and done, you don't have to worry about it, fact is, no matter how much the people here hate you, Indians are the richest minority, almost 10% of the millionaires in this nation belong to Indian ancestry, and for a group that forms only 0.5% of the nation's population, that is a mighty achievement. Be proud of that, and one day you would perhaps be very successful and proud of it if you follow in the footsteps of your fellow Indian brethren.

Also, the ones who mock at arranged marriage have no concept of how a modern Indian matchmaking process works, fact is, most Americans don't even want to know, they blindly would make assumptions about you that you would be forced to marry someone against your will while that is hardly the case with the majority of modern Indian households, atleast the ones that you see for the most part in the West. Most of the ones that have mocked you would end up marrying the wrong guy anyway and get divorced a few years down the line, they are the ones missing out on a steady and decent individual like yourself, so it's their loss, and you would have the last laugh.

While the women here have no qualms in adopting Eastern practices like Yoga, etc etc although they claim these days that even those aren't really invented by CURRY INDIANS(in their own words), they have no problem in talking crap about the same people behind their back or even in front of them like how you encountered, I would urge you to grow thicker skin, you would face more and more experiences like this going forward since more and more people are jealous of Indians and their success in the West as a consequence of which, their hatred would only increase with time.

I could be criticized for saying this, but this is the truth, and if this post is deleted and I banned, the mod's are only proving my point as to how much they hate someone Indian to express his opinion here.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:10 AM
 
11 posts, read 25,836 times
Reputation: 15
You don't get it.

I do put myself out there but the place I live in is basically a heck hole for people of my background.

You can say its me but when you constantly hear bad things about people from your background and when the general view towards them is negative there is not much you can do.

As for me not having success with the ladies. There was this one Hispanic girl (she was from New York) who was into me, we went out but then her peers at the school pressured her into breaking up with me, seriously. Like her White and Asian friends tried to get her to break up with me, she even said it, she didn't do so, result is she ended up getting made fun of. Eventually she moved.

I know sometimes it is the person but in my case, it may just be the people. The people here honestly suck. I have tried my best to get involved and portray myself as an outgoing individual but I hear racial slurs so many times that I just feel like it is pointless.
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