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I've notice that a lot of people seem to be pointing out the reasoning. My question is do my reasons really matter? If I don't want to date I don't want to date.
I've notice that a lot of people seem to be pointing out the reasoning. My question is do my reasons really matter? If I don't want to date I don't want to date.
Dude, no one cares but you. It's okay to be alone and not wanting to date. The right time will come when you're ready. How will you know? Hmm, you don't. It just happens.
someone just gave me a rep, with a comment, which said "Is it really that bad" on my above post, without a name, and I'm wondering, are you being sarcastic, or what?
No, actually, it isn't that bad at all, I'm happier then I've ever been in my life...contented, free and can for the first time...please me, and I rarly get lonely...I'm not alone...and it's all my call..whenever, and where ever...I don't have to live up to anyone else's expectations of what my life should be, or live they're idea of what a marriage should be....Never again...and I love men, I'm not a man hatter at all, but relationships are hard work, and I'm to old and set in my ways to ever want to try again...
As a guy, I always feel like I have to jump through hoops to just to get a date. Even though having companionship would be nice It's just not worth the amount of effort and stress it takes to get a girlfriend. I'd rather not go out and embarrass myself or be labeled a creeper. I rather focus on my school and career.
Unfortunately my roommates don't feel the same way and say I should play the game and if I don't than I will become a sad, lonely and miserable old man.
Is being alone really that bad? I rather spend my life alone than humiliate myself trying to get a woman's attention.
someone just gave me a rep, with a comment, which said "Is it really that bad" on my above post, without a name, and I'm wondering, are you being sarcastic, or what?
No, actually, it isn't that bad at all, I'm happier then I've ever been in my life...contented, free and can for the first time...please me, and I rarly get lonely...I'm not alone...and it's all my call..whenever, and where ever...I don't have to live up to anyone else's expectations of what my life should be, or live they're idea of what a marriage should be....Never again...and I love men, I'm not a man hatter at all, but relationships are hard work, and I'm to old and set in my ways to ever want to try again...
This. When you've been single as long as I have you have two choices, be miserable about it or adapt and find someway to enjoy yourself and that's what I've done, I've adapted to being single.
Now some people take issue with the reasons I gave so I'll elaborate. It's easy for me to make acquaintances with women, it's easy to make friends with women. Most women I've known throughout my life have been way more compassionate and understanding with me then guys have (hence the issues I have with 2 of my ex roommates). However, for a woman to want me and be attracted to me takes a lot more effort then I'm willing to give. I'm shy and only really have basic social skills which probably aren't going to get me anywhere with the opposite sex.
Now I certainly realize that if I don't work on these things I'll remain single but I'm working my butt of as it is juggling my full time job, and my internship. And I'll be even more busy coming next month when I move to go to university where it will be studying as well as me planning to have a job. So with all of that guess which will take priority because it sure as hell won't be dating.
As for the reason why I created this thread have to do with a couple of people. An ex-roommate is your atypical alpha male who "bangs hot chicks every night." Basically the type of guy who believes that if your not doing what he's doing you are a loser. Another offender is a friend of mine who has tried to set me up on a date with 4 different girls. We argue from time to time about this. In fact he's said a lot of the things that some of the posters on here have said.
When I have leisure time, I'm going to spend it doing something I like. Going out to sporting events, bowling, going to the movies. I don't want to go out and feel like I have to entertain someone which is what dating seems like to me not enjoyable at all just stress.
As a guy, I always feel like I have to jump through hoops to just to get a date. Even though having companionship would be nice It's just not worth the amount of effort and stress it takes to get a girlfriend. I'd rather not go out and embarrass myself or be labeled a creeper. I rather focus on my school and career.
Unfortunately my roommates don't feel the same way and say I should play the game and if I don't than I will become a sad, lonely and miserable old man.
Is being alone really that bad? I rather spend my life alone than humiliate myself trying to get a woman's attention.
MANY people have Relationship Addiction..that is, they dont feel good unless they are in a comitted relationship. Many get their self worth from it too. It is a co-dependent issue when it gets to this point. I found myself doing this repeatedly till i finally figured it out that I dont need to have a woman by my side for me to have worth, dignity, and purpose. So, I concentrated for the longest time just having platonic female friends which took the pressure off of myself and i found i was more at peace. Ive continued this to today and its very liberating to be alone , feel great at the same time, yet have the female company from time to time. And by company, im not talking sexual immorality...but a respectful and dynamic personal friendship which doesnt get harmed from illicit sex. Hope that helps .
No, you and I agree on the latter part of your post. That's exactly what I've been proposing. You're just getting hung up on the absolute statistical outlier example of "star crossed lovers": the fantastical example of two people so compatible, so similar in outlook and virtues, but who are merely never given the opportunity to become aware of each other's existence by simpleton virtue of circumstantial happenstance. People always go for that optimism-biased garbage!!
You want to know what happens in the real world, for the collective? I'll tell you what happens. First, people soak up that bullchit scenario I described above and declare that to be their destiny. EVERYBODY's high on the "the one perfect match" mantra. It's crazy, everybody's special up in here, like effing kindergarten... So they do the math. As a result, they come to the conclusion that my passive approach to romantic companionship, as espoused in my previous post, is too statistically improbable to effect the alignment of the stars they declare to be their ideal outcome, which is the basis for their holding out and their pickyness. So they say: "man, screw that, I'm bringing the mountain to Muhammad". And down they go clowning like square pegs on the round hole (pun intended!).
So, do they find it? LOL Really? Do I need to answer that? If the glove don't fit OJ..... OF COURSE NOT! (otherwise CD wouldn't have this forum) And now they're up the creek with all that clown makeup on their face. So they settle... settle like beta ******es. Observation which is consistent with what everybody is espousing here. At least we can agree on the level of settling going on out there by clowns and non-clowns alike. That's what happens. A big tub o' settling. And people react and dysfunction. Oh but this guy comes in here and says "this chit ain't worth it" and he's the one with a problem? Nah. The problem is a set of expectations someone pulled out of a Cracker Jack box at a Disney movie! GTFOT.
If destiny is so well manifested in terms of people's expectation, then why so much settling? I'll tell you why. Because everybody is optimism-biased. We are programmed to overstate our condition. As monkeys we are at odds with our gregarious nature. It makes us common and replaceable. It's at war with the material individualism we foster as a living philosophy, particularly as Americans. We are collectively a walking dichotomy. Those who are more honest with themselves are labeled less valuable because as I've said before, in the human realm, feline qualities are not 'socially valuable' (read: jobs, wealth accumulation and networking skills...all tied to a ''who you know'' social construct over the merits of a loner's virtue produced from his hands and labor).
I'm literally more likely to be desired by women who currently don't desire me, by simple virtue of who I claim association with. My associations don't physically help me bed that woman, or tame her, but somehow my social association with other monkeys make her spread her legs for me. This is not rocket science, this is quite in tune with this whole dynamic. It is quite simple. But society snarks at it because it makes us common and replaceable. Look at Kate and William. Really? People eat that crap up. Why? It's not for the social gathering, it's for the private sense of replication in their own minds. We all view our ideals as a Kate and william moment. And you know what the irony is? Kate's a bar hopping british ho', groomed since day uno for keptdom,....and ol' willy's got buck tooth so big I could pick it up on my avionics and use it for course guidance for landing in the weather! The man's no prince. *I* look like a latin prince with my natural straight teeth and accent lol. And I can't get girls like pippa to give me the time o' day; they want Disney, they don't want a lower middle class hooch for a castle and 7 year old cars in 250K population anywhere-city, USA. My ability to giver her a daily orgasm isn't placed all that high after all. Playa', please.....
All Im saying is we're cruel to others in the quest for this pipedream. Truly cruel and entitled. And I happen to empathize with the OP on that account. I don't default to considering the peanut gallery's blind acceptance of "well, dating is a numbers game" as remotely genuine. It is genuine...for settling. And that's fine, but you reap what you sow...that's not what they were espousing at the onset though. There's a disconnect. I rather not be a clown and lose myself in the process of finding a favorable outcome that is all but improbable, statistically speaking.
I think tenable relationships can be found, as witnessed every day out there. They're not perfect, but they're tenable. The grayness of this life is not something to weep over, as it is something outside your control. But don't lose yourself in the process of jamming a square peg in a round hole. And that eliminates a LOT of potential mates, so much so that it makes contentment for the majority, especially in post feminist america, a really iffy proposition. As we can see, population replacement doesn't care one iota about whether the parental units tolerate each other, single parenthood has made these human relationships all but optional. I could assert this is seating our fate into a biblical scale Sodoma and an idiocratic wasteland, but that's for the great debates forum, not this one. My point here is that going through the blind exercise of getting reject by idiots that are probably not capable of espousing a single rational intelligent thought outside the scope of the social venue where they frolic, is not all that useful in the big picture, so why push it like a televangelist up in here?!? good luck to us all
Wow. I read this entire thing and I came to one conclusion. You think too much.
For some people. It's rare that people think that much. Let him think out loud, it's brilliant and refreshing!
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I rather spend my life alone than humiliate myself trying to get a woman's attention.
lol. And I can't get girls like pippa to give me the time o' day; they want Disney, they don't want a lower middle class hooch for a castle and 7 year old cars in 250K population anywhere-city, USA. My ability to giver her a daily orgasm isn't placed all that high after all. Playa', please..... 
