Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-14-2011, 03:00 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,147,019 times
Reputation: 8079

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Your advice is already falling on deaf ears. I've decided to be alone
Okay....good bye.


Have fun at the pitty party.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-14-2011, 03:54 PM
 
629 posts, read 1,232,383 times
Reputation: 454
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Your advice is already falling on deaf ears. I've decided to be alone
No need to be rude about it. Like others said, if that's what you truly want then it's a lifestyle choice. If you're taking this option because you feel you can never find someone else, then you have other options. So which is it? Will being alone make you happy or are you just giving up on relationships because you can't build one?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 04:10 PM
 
1,960 posts, read 4,649,283 times
Reputation: 5416
Again this whole premise is predicated on the self-assumed acceptance that men need to fight for women's time. That's garbage in post-feminist America. I know exactly what the OP is talking about. It sounds like his roomates are knee-deep in the play-hunt that revolves around the local social currency game. He doesn't feel like he wants to partake and that social rebuke is being met here with the usual outlier-bashing. Your character is not worthy simply because you disagree. Classic ad hominem.

Men who accept the premise that they need to fight for a woman's time are the only ones who have to fight for a woman's time. See how that works? Supply and demand. That vagina is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for it (yes, I said 'pay' 'cause that's exactly how women are conditioned to view their youth and social currency of their temporary bodies).

Which is to say, if a woman is not interested in your reality, no amount of clowning on your part will make up for it. You'll just be a clown and lose your sense of worth by voluntarily giving it away. All the women I've sexually interacted with, to include my exwife, did so after all but the most basic announcement of my presence. Brother I'm telling ya, when a woman says "I want that guy", they'll clown so shamefully you can't believe the hoops their jumping through, particularly when when you've been accustomed to the bar/social sausage party that is every social venue out there. It's rather counter-intuitive. Now, that doesn't mean that the kind of woman YOU WANT will be attracted to you, but that's a whole other topic. I don't believe you have the leverage to effect that level of social purchase, without losing yourself in the process that is (striving for money and status to purchase the attention of women who will look at you as an opportunity cost..if you're willing to live that life to have the trophy woman you want, that's on you man).

Bottom line, announce yourself in all but the most socially inconsequential ways (i.e. those venues where you would be seen anyways), and literally go about your life. If it sticks it sticks, if it doesn't it doesn't. But clowning ain't gonna help you one bit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 04:13 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,322 posts, read 17,074,556 times
Reputation: 19556
It is not bad initially..But as one gets older that feeling of something missing usually starts to set in. At 35 Im at that crossroads. Wondering do I really still want to be the older rebel
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 04:24 PM
 
629 posts, read 1,232,383 times
Reputation: 454
Quote:
Originally Posted by hindsight2020 View Post
Again this whole premise is predicated on the self-assumed acceptance that men need to fight for women's time. That's garbage in post-feminist America. I know exactly what the OP is talking about. It sounds like his roomates are knee-deep in the play-hunt that revolves around the local social currency game. He doesn't feel like he wants to partake and that social rebuke is being met here with the usual outlier-bashing. Your character is not worthy simply because you disagree. Classic ad hominem.

Men who accept the premise that they need to fight for a woman's time are the only ones who have to fight for a woman's time. See how that works? Supply and demand. That vagina is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for it (yes, I said 'pay' 'cause that's exactly how women are conditioned to view their youth and social currency of their temporary bodies).

Which is to say, if a woman is not interested in your reality, no amount of clowning on your part will make up for it. You'll just be a clown and lose your sense of worth by voluntarily giving it away. All the women I've sexually interacted with, to include my exwife, did so after all but the most basic announcement of my presence. Brother I'm telling ya, when a woman says "I want that guy", they'll clown so shamefully you can't believe the hoops their jumping through, particularly when when you've been accustomed to the bar/social sausage party that is every social venue out there. It's rather counter-intuitive. Now, that doesn't mean that the kind of woman YOU WANT will be attracted to you, but that's a whole other topic. I don't believe you have the leverage to effect that level of social purchase, without losing yourself in the process that is (striving for money and status to purchase the attention of women who will look at you as an opportunity cost..if you're willing to live that life to have the trophy woman you want, that's on you man).

Bottom line, announce yourself in all but the most socially inconsequential ways (i.e. those venues where you would be seen anyways), and literally go about your life. If it sticks it sticks, if it doesn't it doesn't. But clowning ain't gonna help you one bit.
See what you don't get is the beauty of finding someone who shares your view on life. Someone you can share your life with. For all you know, there's a woman out there who has this exact viewpoint on life. If you stay positive and keep your eyes open as you live your life, you might find her. Now there is always the possibility you will never find her on the route you are taking in life. For this reason many people choose to LOOK for that other person. The main problem with this is that many settle for the wrong person and as a result, miss their chance to find their soul mate because they're too busy trying to force a failing relationship. There are too many different people in this world to truly believe there isn't someone for everyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 07:05 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,147,019 times
Reputation: 8079
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
It is not bad initially..But as one gets older that feeling of something missing usually starts to set in. At 35 Im at that crossroads. Wondering do I really still want to be the older rebel
D. Scott,

What do you mean by "older rebel"...I'm sure I know but i want you to clear up my understanding.


Thanks man,
Ron
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 07:14 PM
 
1,960 posts, read 4,649,283 times
Reputation: 5416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
See what you don't get is the beauty of finding someone who shares your view on life. Someone you can share your life with. For all you know, there's a woman out there who has this exact viewpoint on life. If you stay positive and keep your eyes open as you live your life, you might find her. Now there is always the possibility you will never find her on the route you are taking in life. For this reason many people choose to LOOK for that other person. The main problem with this is that many settle for the wrong person and as a result, miss their chance to find their soul mate because they're too busy trying to force a failing relationship. There are too many different people in this world to truly believe there isn't someone for everyone.
No, you and I agree on the latter part of your post. That's exactly what I've been proposing. You're just getting hung up on the absolute statistical outlier example of "star crossed lovers": the fantastical example of two people so compatible, so similar in outlook and virtues, but who are merely never given the opportunity to become aware of each other's existence by simpleton virtue of circumstantial happenstance. People always go for that optimism-biased garbage!!

You want to know what happens in the real world, for the collective? I'll tell you what happens. First, people soak up that bullchit scenario I described above and declare that to be their destiny. EVERYBODY's high on the "the one perfect match" mantra. It's crazy, everybody's special up in here, like effing kindergarten... So they do the math. As a result, they come to the conclusion that my passive approach to romantic companionship, as espoused in my previous post, is too statistically improbable to effect the alignment of the stars they declare to be their ideal outcome, which is the basis for their holding out and their pickyness. So they say: "man, screw that, I'm bringing the mountain to Muhammad". And down they go clowning like square pegs on the round hole (pun intended!).

So, do they find it? LOL Really? Do I need to answer that? If the glove don't fit OJ..... OF COURSE NOT! (otherwise CD wouldn't have this forum) And now they're up the creek with all that clown makeup on their face. So they settle... settle like beta ******es. Observation which is consistent with what everybody is espousing here. At least we can agree on the level of settling going on out there by clowns and non-clowns alike. That's what happens. A big tub o' settling. And people react and dysfunction. Oh but this guy comes in here and says "this chit ain't worth it" and he's the one with a problem? Nah. The problem is a set of expectations someone pulled out of a Cracker Jack box at a Disney movie! GTFOT.

If destiny is so well manifested in terms of people's expectation, then why so much settling? I'll tell you why. Because everybody is optimism-biased. We are programmed to overstate our condition. As monkeys we are at odds with our gregarious nature. It makes us common and replaceable. It's at war with the material individualism we foster as a living philosophy, particularly as Americans. We are collectively a walking dichotomy. Those who are more honest with themselves are labeled less valuable because as I've said before, in the human realm, feline qualities are not 'socially valuable' (read: jobs, wealth accumulation and networking skills...all tied to a ''who you know'' social construct over the merits of a loner's virtue produced from his hands and labor).

I'm literally more likely to be desired by women who currently don't desire me, by simple virtue of who I claim association with. My associations don't physically help me bed that woman, or tame her, but somehow my social association with other monkeys make her spread her legs for me. This is not rocket science, this is quite in tune with this whole dynamic. It is quite simple. But society snarks at it because it makes us common and replaceable. Look at Kate and William. Really? People eat that crap up. Why? It's not for the social gathering, it's for the private sense of replication in their own minds. We all view our ideals as a Kate and william moment. And you know what the irony is? Kate's a bar hopping british ho', groomed since day uno for keptdom,....and ol' willy's got buck tooth so big I could pick it up on my avionics and use it for course guidance for landing in the weather! The man's no prince. *I* look like a latin prince with my natural straight teeth and accent lol. And I can't get girls like pippa to give me the time o' day; they want Disney, they don't want a lower middle class hooch for a castle and 7 year old cars in 250K population anywhere-city, USA. My ability to giver her a daily orgasm isn't placed all that high after all. Playa', please.....

All Im saying is we're cruel to others in the quest for this pipedream. Truly cruel and entitled. And I happen to empathize with the OP on that account. I don't default to considering the peanut gallery's blind acceptance of "well, dating is a numbers game" as remotely genuine. It is genuine...for settling. And that's fine, but you reap what you sow...that's not what they were espousing at the onset though. There's a disconnect. I rather not be a clown and lose myself in the process of finding a favorable outcome that is all but improbable, statistically speaking.

I think tenable relationships can be found, as witnessed every day out there. They're not perfect, but they're tenable. The grayness of this life is not something to weep over, as it is something outside your control. But don't lose yourself in the process of jamming a square peg in a round hole. And that eliminates a LOT of potential mates, so much so that it makes contentment for the majority, especially in post feminist america, a really iffy proposition. As we can see, population replacement doesn't care one iota about whether the parental units tolerate each other, single parenthood has made these human relationships all but optional. I could assert this is seating our fate into a biblical scale Sodoma and an idiocratic wasteland, but that's for the great debates forum, not this one. My point here is that going through the blind exercise of getting reject by idiots that are probably not capable of espousing a single rational intelligent thought outside the scope of the social venue where they frolic, is not all that useful in the big picture, so why push it like a televangelist up in here?!? good luck to us all

Just thinkin out loud

Last edited by hindsight2020; 05-14-2011 at 07:22 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 09:27 PM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,395,267 times
Reputation: 3161
Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1 View Post
My thought also. If the OP had said that he choose to be alone for whatever reason (concentrating on school, objectives at work, simply preferred it, etc) as his choice I would say no there is nothing wrong with that at all. The thread as started and the jist of it as I understand him to mean is that is it ok to be alone because I find dating degrading and hurtful. This is a different thing altogether.
exactly..I'm not one to let people get away with their b.s....he's b.s.ing himself!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 11:15 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 8,179,781 times
Reputation: 12159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
Okay....good bye.


Have fun at the pitty party.
What pity party?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-14-2011, 11:21 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 8,179,781 times
Reputation: 12159
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
exactly..I'm not one to let people get away with their b.s....he's b.s.ing himself!
I don't see why my decision to stay single bothers you so much. Do you like to see guys go out there and humiliate themselves?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top