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Old 05-12-2011, 05:26 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,502 posts, read 8,306,273 times
Reputation: 9071
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrensmooth View Post
individuals who say this are trying to seem like they are somehow 'deeper' than the rest of us, and not superficial...
Oh BS. Another bitter one. It has nothing to do with seeming deeper. I must admit that I'm pretty oriented towards eyeing the good looking men, but looks won't be as important when I meet a man that has all the qualities I'm looking for in a man and and has the chemistry to light the fire. I'm hoping that he's easy on the eye though, and my eyes are the only ones that will matter in this case--I could care less what my women friends think of his looks.

Also, the one I haven't seen in 20 years? He sent me his pic and he wasn't a good looking man 20 years ago and he hasn't aged well. I wanted to see him anyway, but then he started playing games again and besides he lives 8 hours away and has 5 kids with the youngest being 4 and isn't divorced yet. Think I'm just going to not find out whether there's chemistry still or not.
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Yellow Brick Road
35,168 posts, read 41,673,478 times
Reputation: 19077
It can go either way! And I speak from experience, lol! It all depends on how folks have matured. For some, maybe it has to do with "looks" but when two people have connected on an emotional level, the attraction can still be there decades later - unless either or both of them have significantly changed their perspectives, ways of expressing themselves, etc.

However, it has been my experience that people only get "more themselves" as they get older. So the negative personality traits become more pronounced - but the positive ones do, too.

I have known people who kept thinking about the "one who got away" for many years - and they have "idealized" the person. In those cases, the memory didn't match up with reality to begin with, so no way that reunion is gonna be much more than meeehhhh.
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,055 posts, read 6,073,858 times
Reputation: 7046
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
It can go either way! And I speak from experience, lol! It all depends on how folks have matured. For some, maybe it has to do with "looks" but when two people have connected on an emotional level, the attraction can still be there decades later - unless either or both of them have significantly changed their perspectives, ways of expressing themselves, etc.

However, it has been my experience that people only get "more themselves" as they get older. So the negative personality traits become more pronounced - but the positive ones do, too.

I have known people who kept thinking about the "one who got away" for many years - and they have "idealized" the person. In those cases, the memory didn't match up with reality to begin with, so no way that reunion is gonna be much more than meeehhhh.
Thats a very good post
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,015,692 times
Reputation: 1539
Go in with an open mind, some people are attracted to looks, others the way the person makes them feel, if it still feels good, go for it. Be happy, make the best of it. It's your life, you only have one...
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,015 posts, read 53,989,860 times
Reputation: 36691
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
Thats a very good post
Ani is one of the wisest women I know
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:46 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,055 posts, read 6,073,858 times
Reputation: 7046
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Ani is one of the wisest women I know
I don't doubt it

Class act too, even thanked me for the rep.
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:08 AM
 
3,098 posts, read 2,057,475 times
Reputation: 3633
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Oh BS. Another bitter one. It has nothing to do with seeming deeper. I must admit that I'm pretty oriented towards eyeing the good looking men, but looks won't be as important when I meet a man that has all the qualities I'm looking for in a man and and has the chemistry to light the fire. I'm hoping that he's easy on the eye though, and my eyes are the only ones that will matter in this case--I could care less what my women friends think of his looks.

Also, the one I haven't seen in 20 years? He sent me his pic and he wasn't a good looking man 20 years ago and he hasn't aged well. I wanted to see him anyway, but then he started playing games again and besides he lives 8 hours away and has 5 kids with the youngest being 4 and isn't divorced yet. Think I'm just going to not find out whether there's chemistry still or not.
I'm not sure how you got bitter out of what i wrote...my point was that saying that those of us (MOST of us) that value looks first when we first meet someone are superficial is wrong. Its perfectly normal to be attracted based on looks first, afterall you don't even know the person when you first meet.
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:17 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,205,452 times
Reputation: 3347
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
Full head of hair here (I'm 33) I'm fit and women often compliment me on my looks........have seen a photo of her recently, still find her attractive. Hopefully its the same in person.
I don't hold out hopes of us clicking like we did back then. But even if we do in half of what we did, I won't be disappointed.

Not going to overthink it. Just go with the flow and have a good time.
Sounds like a very good plan. Who knows, life is funny, you just might click and have something there?

You're giving it a try and that's what we have to do in life.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:13 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,502 posts, read 8,306,273 times
Reputation: 9071
I'm back to report that it certainly can still be there after 20 years. And looks got nothing to do with it b/c time wasn't all that kind to him but who cares--he still looks good to me. He lives eight. hours. away though.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:40 PM
 
4,803 posts, read 2,962,598 times
Reputation: 3939
To be honest, I remain rather skeptical, about the whole concept of chemistry, as popularly defined. What is chemistry anyway, at a basic level? I would say that ultimately, from my own observations, that chemistry = pure physical attraction = form of basic lust. Can chemistry = love (the committed and devoted kind) in itself, also? Perhaps. But I seriously doubt it. Chemistry may *lead* one, in the direction of love, but chemistry in and of itself, is not the same thing as love.
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