U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-11-2011, 04:33 PM
 
Location: US
5,144 posts, read 11,094,594 times
Reputation: 5352

Advertisements

5 Signs You're Not Ready to Date - Love + Sex on Shine



"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "

That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-11-2011, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,766,312 times
Reputation: 1265
Only you know when you are ready. I was married for 7.5 years. I've been divorced just a little over a year now. I didn't wait 7.5 months to date because my marriage was over before the actual divorce. My first date was just 13 days after divorce and my current boyfriend, I met him 2 months after divorce and we've been going strong since!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 22,934,293 times
Reputation: 24035
I agree. It all depends on the individual, but hopefully they will allow some "healing time" before diving right back in.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,091 posts, read 6,604,134 times
Reputation: 30347
I have seen different "recovery times"....they usually mean the time it takes for you to emotionally process the finality of say a divorce and permanent changes in your life. The one month thing sounds wrong to me unless you are speaking of just dating......

What I learned in a divorce-support group was: 1 year for every 5 you were married, ie for me, married almost 25 yrs, it took every day of 5 years for me to arrive at a stage where I am totally healed and recovered and very happy, with no baggage and anger etc about the divorce or my ex.

Others may take longer, or less. The recovery times do not mean you can't enjoy dating, but before you make a long term committment, give yourself time to get over the first one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,388 posts, read 8,600,150 times
Reputation: 8880
About a day per year worked for me, but I was ready to move on before we actually split up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,766,312 times
Reputation: 1265
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
I agree. It all depends on the individual, but hopefully they will allow some "healing time" before diving right back in.
I agree..I knew I was ok when I had finally gotten over the bad stuff that happened to me and I could call my ex and say "thank you, I don't hate you"..LOL


Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
I have seen different "recovery times"....they usually mean the time it takes for you to emotionally process the finality of say a divorce and permanent changes in your life. The one month thing sounds wrong to me unless you are speaking of just dating......

What I learned in a divorce-support group was: 1 year for every 5 you were married, ie for me, married almost 25 yrs, it took every day of 5 years for me to arrive at a stage where I am totally healed and recovered and very happy, with no baggage and anger etc about the divorce or my ex.

Others may take longer, or less. The recovery times do not mean you can't enjoy dating, but before you make a long term committment, give yourself time to get over the first one.
I have heard those with longer marriages require more time but it depends on what transpired in the relationship and the reasons for divorce. Total healing is amazing isn't it!


Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
About a day per year worked for me, but I was ready to move on before we actually split up.
Same here...we were done before the divorce which is probably how I was able to bounce back so quickly!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:21 PM
 
17,863 posts, read 18,189,328 times
Reputation: 13821
I was dating 2 months after a 3 year relationship ending.

It's probably more of a guideline, not a rule.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:28 PM
 
Location: Kūkiʻo, HI & Manhattan Beach, CA
2,624 posts, read 6,339,784 times
Reputation: 2388
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia View Post
"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "

That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?
If one doesn't take the time to really get over their previous relationship, it can end up becoming "baggage."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2011, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,265 posts, read 7,144,316 times
Reputation: 7976
Such statistics and articles are ridiculous. People vary hugely in their opinions on everything. Getting over a relationship is like grief: some people never get over the death of their mom or spouse, others get over it in a week or a month. No hard and fast rules to this. I've known people married 40 years who moved on in a matter of a week or so. Other people together only a few months are crippled when they break up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,489,144 times
Reputation: 3331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia View Post
5 Signs You're Not Ready to Date - Love + Sex on Shine



"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "

That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?

Its up to the individual
Some dont find it necessary to wait..
The past relationship ended so why dwell about it
If your able to move on..then why should you wait.
Just because I ended it with someone doesn't mean I need to find myself
I already know who I am.
So no I dont wait..If it happens it happens time doesn't matter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top