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05-11-2011, 04:33 PM
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Location: US
5,143 posts, read 11,575,955 times
Reputation: 5353
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5 Signs You're Not Ready to Date - Love + Sex on Shine
"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "
That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?
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05-11-2011, 04:37 PM
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Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,910,735 times
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Only you know when you are ready. I was married for 7.5 years. I've been divorced just a little over a year now. I didn't wait 7.5 months to date because my marriage was over before the actual divorce. My first date was just 13 days after divorce and my current boyfriend, I met him 2 months after divorce and we've been going strong since!
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05-11-2011, 04:55 PM
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Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 23,584,652 times
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I agree. It all depends on the individual, but hopefully they will allow some "healing time" before diving right back in.
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05-11-2011, 05:00 PM
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Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,090 posts, read 7,912,295 times
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I have seen different "recovery times"....they usually mean the time it takes for you to emotionally process the finality of say a divorce and permanent changes in your life. The one month thing sounds wrong to me unless you are speaking of just dating......
What I learned in a divorce-support group was: 1 year for every 5 you were married, ie for me, married almost 25 yrs, it took every day of 5 years for me to arrive at a stage where I am totally healed and recovered and very happy, with no baggage and anger etc about the divorce or my ex.
Others may take longer, or less. The recovery times do not mean you can't enjoy dating, but before you make a long term committment, give yourself time to get over the first one. 
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05-11-2011, 05:02 PM
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Location: Reno, NV
5,636 posts, read 9,110,445 times
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About a day per year worked for me, but I was ready to move on before we actually split up.
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05-11-2011, 05:12 PM
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Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,910,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
I agree. It all depends on the individual, but hopefully they will allow some "healing time" before diving right back in.
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I agree..I knew I was ok when I had finally gotten over the bad stuff that happened to me and I could call my ex and say "thank you, I don't hate you"..LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron
I have seen different "recovery times"....they usually mean the time it takes for you to emotionally process the finality of say a divorce and permanent changes in your life. The one month thing sounds wrong to me unless you are speaking of just dating......
What I learned in a divorce-support group was: 1 year for every 5 you were married, ie for me, married almost 25 yrs, it took every day of 5 years for me to arrive at a stage where I am totally healed and recovered and very happy, with no baggage and anger etc about the divorce or my ex.
Others may take longer, or less. The recovery times do not mean you can't enjoy dating, but before you make a long term committment, give yourself time to get over the first one.
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I have heard those with longer marriages require more time but it depends on what transpired in the relationship and the reasons for divorce. Total healing is amazing isn't it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
About a day per year worked for me, but I was ready to move on before we actually split up.
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Same here...we were done before the divorce which is probably how I was able to bounce back so quickly! |
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05-11-2011, 05:21 PM
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17,866 posts, read 18,933,672 times
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I was dating 2 months after a 3 year relationship ending.
It's probably more of a guideline, not a rule.
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05-11-2011, 05:28 PM
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Location: Kūkiʻo, HI & Manhattan Beach, CA
2,624 posts, read 6,584,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia
"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "
That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?
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If one doesn't take the time to really get over their previous relationship, it can end up becoming "baggage."  |
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05-11-2011, 05:30 PM
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Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,312 posts, read 7,513,840 times
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Such statistics and articles are ridiculous. People vary hugely in their opinions on everything. Getting over a relationship is like grief: some people never get over the death of their mom or spouse, others get over it in a week or a month. No hard and fast rules to this. I've known people married 40 years who moved on in a matter of a week or so. Other people together only a few months are crippled when they break up.
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05-12-2011, 08:42 AM
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Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,652,748 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia
5 Signs You're Not Ready to Date - Love + Sex on Shine
"A good rule of thumb is that people need a month to recover from every year they were in the relationship. "
That just seems a little long to me. What do you think? Also what if you end a really long relationship. So you wasted years already on that and you are going to add months upon months to the waste? What if your broke off a 15 year marriage? You cant date anyone for 15 months?
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Its up to the individual
Some dont find it necessary to wait..
The past relationship ended so why dwell about it
If your able to move on..then why should you wait.
Just because I ended it with someone doesn't mean I need to find myself
I already know who I am.
So no I dont wait..If it happens it happens time doesn't matter. |
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