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Old 05-13-2011, 05:31 PM
 
1,736 posts, read 1,182,949 times
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I think it really depends on what you count as desperate...

I mean when i'm just thinking out loud that some random girl is kinda hot my female neighbors have called me "desperate"... I mean what the hell is that? just because I'd like to bang someone doesn't mean my world rises an falls with it.

Then there is of course the psychos who really will go to the end of the world for whatever random target he/she seeks out... and yeah I'd stay away from that too. Another case is when her life is a general mess of problems and/or drama, then I'd stay away too.

But if it's just that someone is getting really hot for me at an early stage, then what the hell let's see where it goes, if the sex isn't good or she turns out to be really over-clingy then we don't have to continue after the first or second time around, it's not harder than that.

Then there's all this jibberish about showing confidence, high self esteem etc etc. All I have to say about that is that when I can see how confident a person is by just looking at them, their egos are usually just a little to big for my taste, or their noses are a little bit too far up in the sky.
I don't think you can tell if someone is confortable with themselves by seeing these shallow signs unless we know them at least a little bit, and I usually find that people who don't shoot their personalities out with the nightsky spotlight have more of the qualities i look for.
Any party-princess is just that, a princess in her own eyes, and a freaken godess in some guys eyes, but when I see these over-secure women I never think of them as anything more than a potentially nice roll around the sheets, they're nothing but some nice meat.

So desperate? I say I'll take a look under the hood before dismissing it at least.

Between a woman who wants me a bit too much and a woman who walks around with the game-playing "i just barely care"-attitude I'll take the first one any day of the week.
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Old 05-13-2011, 05:38 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,330,437 times
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In my opinion, there are different types of desperation. There are people who are lonely, and they haven't been in a relationship for a really long time, and they are desperate, desperate to feel loved, to feel affection from someone who loves them...the same may go for someone who is in unhappy marriage. That person is desperate to feel closeness to someone, emotional closeness, since he/she is not getting it from a spouse. This is a quite desperation, they may not even be aware that they are desperate and it reflects in their emotions. They may feel depressed and sad and unfulfilled.

There is also a desperation that comes from being insecure and not being happy with themselves. Constantly altering yourself physically, being clingy and needy and simply trying way too hard....that's a very unattractive quality and I would not want that in my life.

I think people jump to conclusions too quickly about desperate people. I think it's important to realize where this desperation comes from and whether or not it could be "cured". When it comes to relationships, I was never single for too long and never felt desperate, so I don't want to judge those who had been lonely for many years.
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Old 05-13-2011, 05:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bondurant View Post
How is desperate defined? I've seen posts on here that would imply just showing interest or affections to another comes off as desperate. I think of desperate as someone that will take whatever is in front of them out of, well, desperation.
Quite true. Guys who try hard are considered desperate by women who aren't impressed with them. They are usually just trying to make the best of what has often been a trying experience for them.

I cannot imagine that there are very many desperate men anymore. No fault divorce ensured that few parents are silly enough to put any pressure on their sons, now days.

Some women can appear desperate, especially those who still cling to the old fashion version of marriage. Women now have the right to work like men but many have found that this is an illusion of happiness. (Men have never had any such illusion.) When they get dumped by their well to do bf, the desperation can be embarrassing to view.
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Old 05-13-2011, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Ak
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For one thing, they tend to put a lot of pressure on you. Since you're their "all" it feels like you're always propping them up

Also, for me at least, there is this fear / discomfort that they are not interested in ME and don't even want to get to know me, they are just interested in a body to fill the position. People who latch on too quickly also tend to idealize you and paint an inaccurate picture of who you are
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Old 05-13-2011, 07:05 PM
 
4,801 posts, read 2,747,921 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Arentcha gonna inform us how your "relationship" is doing...?!
Whoa, heeeyyy there...lol, come on now sierra, you know that's kinda personal!

It's still very good; perfect even...but seriously tho actually, I'm really trying to avoid mentioning additional details about that on here, to avoid much of the flaming like I got from some others in the past.
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Old 05-15-2011, 02:01 AM
 
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If I could talk directly to God and I mean face to face, the first thing which I would say to Him would be Please give me a wife and the second thing I would say to Him would be Please give me a woman who is desperate to be married. Desperation is a temporary condition. It is easily cured by a kind, caring, understanding mate. Two desperate people is all the better because it means that both people will do their best to please one another. Desperation times two means no rejection, no expecting the impossible or near perfection, no demands, no pressure. Desperation times two means both people are going to smooth the path.

Could she be considered "ugly" or "homely" by society's SICK looks/weight standards? I would hope she would be because not only do I find these women to be as attractive as I find a (non heavily made up or fixed up) "babe" but also because I would hope she would be as fed up and as sickened by shallow "oh he/she has to be gooooooooooood looking" jerks as I am.
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Old 05-15-2011, 10:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I'm not big on people with too active social lives. Those are usually the people who don't know what to do with themselves alone and have to be distracted and entertained by somebody/something else at all times.
I disagree. We all have friends and family. Wanting to spend time with them doesn't mean you need to be entertained at all times. It just means you have more than one person you want to share your time with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
My definition of a "desperate woman" is a woman who is extremely eager to be in a relationship as soon as possible with the first available guy who meets at least a minimum level of her standards.
This is NOT what most people define as desperate. Desperate is when you feel like you can no longer wait and so you lower your standards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
I would not date (or second-date) a person like this. My reason is that they'll take any and everyone they can get and they'll probably put up with a lot from someone, possibly even if their partner is cheating. Besides the fact that this is dangerous, it just says a lot about how they value themselves and others.
If you're willing to tolerate unacceptable behavior such as cheating, then it tells me you don't have any respect for yourself. How can you expect me to respect you when you don't even respect yourself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
Then there's all this jibberish about showing confidence, high self esteem etc etc.
It's not jibberish. You can tell a person doesn't have high self-esteem if they're letting you get away with things that you know they shouldn't. You know they don't have confidence if they're making their entire life about you and acting like you're perfect when you're not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I think it's important to realize where this desperation comes from and whether or not it could be "cured".
I might be desperate for a partner just because I've been single for a really long time. So I decide to lower my standards and accept someone I normally wouldn't. What matters is not that I lowered my standards, but why. It's fine if I did so because I realized I was being unrealistic. But it's another to do so just because you're tired of being alone. At least I like myself though. The person who doesn't and needs to be in a relationship to feel like they matter, that's the person who needs to be "cured." But they need to cure themselves, not look to others for that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio View Post
People who latch on too quickly also tend to idealize you and paint an inaccurate picture of who you are
Exactly. We all want people to accept us the way we are despite our flaws. I don't want someone who'll see me as someone I'm not. Then it's just a fantasy they've built up in their minds and, sooner or later, they'll see the real me and might feel mislead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WaltHowe View Post
Desperation is a temporary condition. It is easily cured by a kind, caring, understanding mate. Two desperate people is all the better because it means that both people will do their best to please one another.
This isn't a cure, it's just a cover. People bond over many things, but shared desperation and loneliness shouldn't be one of them.
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Old 05-15-2011, 11:17 AM
 
1,736 posts, read 1,182,949 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
It's not jibberish. You can tell a person doesn't have high self-esteem if they're letting you get away with things that you know they shouldn't. You know they don't have confidence if they're making their entire life about you and acting like you're perfect when you're not.
Of course I can spot good confidence, What I'm saying is that women with too much confidence aren't usually that much of a price as they seem. The women with the most confidence have always turned out to be those that I ask myself about "what the hell other than her looks and high confidence does she have to be so confident about?"

Being confident about your high confidence is nothing but negative in my eyes
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Old 05-15-2011, 12:00 PM
 
2,333 posts, read 2,239,654 times
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If a persons too desperate early on it makes you think is this person in love with me or the idea of being a relationship and will take anyone with a pulse..

At the same time there are people who can afford to be more picky..Im 30 and never been in a relationship and while i wont ever give up my dignity to be in one i may have to be less choosy and have less of a checklist then somebody with tons of options if i want to find somebody...

I dont know if thats desprate or realistic about your situation..

Last edited by JBT1980; 05-15-2011 at 12:11 PM..
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Old 05-15-2011, 01:14 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,431,655 times
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Desperate has been defined several ways so far:

1. Lowering of standards to be in a relationship - That is an automatic because a desperate person doesn't know how to have high standards for himself. This is why he follows the advice "don't make any contact for three days" but interprets this as women wanting to be treated "badly."

2. Needy, clingy person - This person attaches herself to the first person who shows interest, which could mean lowering standards. They need predictability but find people to be unpredictable. For example, she interprets kindness, which most people can do at the beginning of any relationship, as romantic attraction. Nice person = a person who likes me. This shows emotional immaturity, low standards for her own emotional intelligence.

Why I wouldn't date them? They often think you know something they don't and desire you for that reason alone.
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