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I never understood why a woman in our culture had to give up her name when she married - I always found that to be so archaic.
Interestingly enough most countries don't follow this practice. In Latin America a woman keeps her maiden name and adds the married name to her own. And same holds true in manu other cultures. I also wonder where this all started.
I ask about this in part, because the woman I plan to marry next year does not plan to take my last name. She was married before and did not take the other mans name either. Im OK with the idea of this but it seems that this could all be kind of confusing to people who are not very close to us. Also I wonder if this could be more of a demographic thing. She is from the north while I am from the south. Still, we get along really well.
Dennis - I grew up in Texas all my life and I didn't get my name changed.
You know, why don't you talk to your fiance about this? Before we got married, my husband and I had a talk about it and I pretty much told him I didn't care what others thought nor did I care if people called me by his last name. I just didn't want to change it b'c that's the way it's done. He was just like, "Ok, whatever." Sure it can be confusing and I have people call me by my husband's last name all the time. I don't feel like it's necessary to correct them and announce to the world "Hey, use my maiden name damn it!" I just go with the flow. My in-laws refer to me by my husband's last name and I'm ok with it. I just don't really care as long as it's ok between me and hubby. My suggestion is talk to your fiance. If you two are open about this now then who care what everybody else thinks. good luck!
I guess one thing Im trying to realize, is the true absolute orgin of the name change. Does it have some sort of Biblical beginning? Is it true as has been pointed out to me by someone that it all goes back to some sort of "ownership" of the woman by the man she marries? Iam respectful of all views concerning this matter, but I am also quite curious about how the whole thing began.
I really appreciate the link you provided Roaddog. It was very interesting I thought. I plan to share it with my bride-to-be when we get back on this subject again. As for me, I can live with her decison either way.But it does seem to me that all women everywhere should make this important consideration for the right reasons. And thats why I am trying to solicit other men and womens views on this matter. I am pretty new to this forum and I do appreciate everyones input thus far. I hope to hear from all of you even more. Thanks to you all!
I don't think much of it. I took my husband's last name because I liked the idea of sharing the same name. But I don't really think negatively or positively about a woman that keeps her maiden name. It's a personal decision and I don't think it reflects on the woman's feelings for her husband at all.
I really appreciate the link you provided Roaddog. It was very interesting I thought. I plan to share it with my bride-to-be when we get back on this subject again. As for me, I can live with her decison either way.But it does seem to me that all women everywhere should make this important consideration for the right reasons. And thats why I am trying to solicit other men and womens views on this matter. I am pretty new to this forum and I do appreciate everyones input thus far. I hope to hear from all of you even more. Thanks to you all!
Are you mainly concerned with what other men will think of YOU?
My husband kind of assumed I would keep my name, so it was a no-brainer for us. We did not have to revisit it and discuss it or decide anything - it was just like "do you want to change your name?" "not really....." "okay then.".
Ha Ha ! It really did go along those lines .
He's a very secure person, so he feels like if someone has an issue with it, that's THEIR issue and it rolls right off of him. From time to time a male co-worker might be like "whaaat? she didn't change her name?" and my husband uses it as an opportunity to tell them that he married a strong independent woman and he likes that she didn't feel it necessary to change her name (he's proud of the fact).
I'd say 95% of people we encounter are fine with it - it doesn't confuse or rock their world in any way. Most of the other 5% is made up of family members on his side, who frankly, have issues beyond just my last name .
There is a symbolism all it's own to your wife keeping her own name, it says a lot about who you are as a couple - try it, I bet you'll like it .
I ask about this in part, because the woman I plan to marry next year does not plan to take my last name. She was married before and did not take the other mans name either. Im OK with the idea of this but it seems that this could all be kind of confusing to people who are not very close to us. Also I wonder if this could be more of a demographic thing. She is from the north while I am from the south. Still, we get along really well.
In which case, Dennis, when you introduce your wife....."I would like to introduce you to my wife, Jane Doe (maiden name)." This eliminates the confusion. And if asked, just tell people that your wife has chosen to hold on to her maiden name. That's it - no big deal. If anyone presses you for a reason - just say times have changed. :-)
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