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Old 05-26-2011, 11:52 AM
 
8,021 posts, read 6,232,028 times
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Has anyone ever had a dispute with someone in their life where you genuinely felt wronged or slighted and tried to bring it up with that person only to have them tell you that you were just a whiner and a complainer. (Or maybe you've done the same to others.)

My question is how do you tell the difference between someone who is just whining and someone who genuinely trying to make themselves be heard?

Last edited by Ro2113; 05-26-2011 at 12:23 PM..
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:10 PM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
5,200 posts, read 4,111,141 times
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Default The difference between whining and voicing your opinion/concern

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Has anyone ever had a dispute with someone in their life where you genuinely felt wronged or slighted and tried to bring it up with that person only to have them tell you that you were just a whiner and a complainer. (Or maybe you've done the same to others.)

My question is how do you tell the difference between someone who is just whining and someone who genuinely trying to make themselves be heard?

That's easy. When I do it, it's voicing my opinion/concern.
When you do it, it's whining.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:46 PM
 
5,387 posts, read 6,271,740 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Has anyone ever had a dispute with someone in their life where you genuinely felt wronged or slighted and tried to bring it up with that person only to have them tell you that you were just a whiner and a complainer. (Or maybe you've done the same to others.)

My question is how do you tell the difference between someone who is just whining and someone who genuinely trying to make themselves be heard?
IMO, one major difference is, a person with an open mind, who, upon hearing that s/he has wronged someone, will have the courage and conviction to take responsibility for it, and apologize, if it is in fact a legitimate and valid grievance. (And when I know or otherwise become aware that I have wronged someone, I will "man up", and will always be the first to apologize to them.)

Others will adopt a view more or less along the lines of "I'm always right, and you're always wrong". Meaning, even if you *are* the one who they have wronged, it's useless to point that out, b/c they're never gonna acknowledge or admit to that. To them, *you* are "always in the wrong".
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,227 posts, read 12,825,124 times
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I think whining occurs when someone is making a mountain out of a molehill. It also happens when someone is trying to wiggle out of a responsibility - or when they just want to sulk about something they can't change. That's why children often whine, because they think every little thing is the end of the world and a lot of them hate even the littlest responsibility like brushing their teeth.

Of course with adults, making a mountain of out a mole hill may be subjective - what's important to one person may not be important to the next. But if want feedback on whether you're being unreasonable or not, I would get opinions from others (whether from people in your life or anonymous strangers on a forum is up to you).
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:05 PM
 
81 posts, read 168,150 times
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I have learned that it is impossible to change peopleís mind. An argument is a temporary abatement where you will most likely be unable to change the other persons mind. I seldom try unless its friends, and if they are dead set on their point of view, I donít push it.

Rather than tell someone their point of view is wrong, I ask them questions which usually bring up hypocritical points to their thesis. If they are truly off the hook, theyíll answer their own question than ramble on about some non sequitar and make themselves sound dumb. Its at this point where Iíll usually just start ignoring them if its gibberish.

Case and point, this is how a real conversation went with a friend. She thought it was weird that older guys would date girls much younger than them. I disagreed. Here is roughly how such a disagreement went:

Chick friend: Why do old guys like young girls? Thatís stupid/ creepy
Me: Women at 18 are attractive to boys who are 18 , right?
Chick: yeah
Me: than what about the aging process stops this preference?
Chick: well they have to ( or something like that)
Me: are you an older guy? how do you know? Can you read minds now?
Chick: it seems wrong. Why donít guys date their own age?
Me: Why should they if they have other options? Why surrender to what everyone else thinks and not pursue what you want? Who is this hurting besides Ďeveryone elseí? Its their own choices to make, not ours.

That wasnít exactly how it goes, but thatís how I usually do it. I am always open to their point of view , and abdicate as necessary.

Heh that was kind of long.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:18 PM
 
12,445 posts, read 14,578,535 times
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Voicing an opinion or concern only takes once and if the other person heard you...alls good. Whining is when you've already said it, and you can't accept that the other person DOESN"T care, and so you keep on trying/whining.....
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:20 PM
 
8,021 posts, read 6,232,028 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buddy5 View Post
That's easy. When I do it, it's voicing my opinion/concern.
When you do it, it's whining.
I knew someone was going to say this.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:58 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,426,868 times
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I think of "voicing a concern" as making a genuine effort to change a situation. Whining is just blowing off steam while attempting to make everyone else as miserable as you are while you secretly know that nothing is going to change.
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:08 PM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
5,200 posts, read 4,111,141 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
I knew someone was going to say this.
You're welcome.
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:40 PM
 
90 posts, read 98,516 times
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Such people are a bit duped in the head, but such is life. Ego and being too weak to acknowledge human action is key.
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