Baby Mama Drama (boyfriend, how to, married, girl)
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I'm not usually one to spill all my business but I need advice......
My honey and I have been in a relationship for almost seven years. Currently he is out of the U.S. Due to immigration difficulties. He has 3 kids which I am still in daily contact with. I see them every other weekend. I love his boys and will do anything for them. They kinda depend on me to take them around their dad's side of the family and friends since dad is not around. I don't mind and normally neither does their mom but there is one family she absolutely does not want near the boys. Not because they are a bad influence or anything like that. Simply because she does not like them right now. This couple happens to be very close to my boyfriend and if he was around we would be around them all the time. The boys ask to see them but I am pretty much forbidden to take the boys around this family because of how their mom feels. The boys are sad since they have grown up with them but if I go behind their moms back I risk not being able to see the boys. I'm not willing to sacrifice that. What do I do, it breaks my heart because these boys love this family. They are good people. Ughhh.... I did say this was drama. I feel dumb even asking for advice but I need an outsiders perspective.
I think you need to ask the Mama what her major problem is with this family, and why she does not want the kids around them.
Does she know something that you don`t know, or whats up with that?
I'm not usually one to spill all my business but I need advice......
My honey and I have been in a relationship for almost seven years. Currently he is out of the U.S. Due to immigration difficulties. He has 3 kids which I am still in daily contact with. I see them every other weekend. I love his boys and will do anything for them. They kinda depend on me to take them around their dad's side of the family and friends since dad is not around. I don't mind and normally neither does their mom but there is one family she absolutely does not want near the boys. Not because they are a bad influence or anything like that. Simply because she does not like them right now. This couple happens to be very close to my boyfriend and if he was around we would be around them all the time. The boys ask to see them but I am pretty much forbidden to take the boys around this family because of how their mom feels. The boys are sad since they have grown up with them but if I go behind their moms back I risk not being able to see the boys. I'm not willing to sacrifice that. What do I do, it breaks my heart because these boys love this family. They are good people. Ughhh.... I did say this was drama. I feel dumb even asking for advice but I need an outsiders perspective.
Bottom line is, she is their mom.
You have no status and no rights to decide anything for them.
I say you are dang lucky she lets you take them to see their dad's family at all. If you want to be able to continue to do that for the dad, then you'd be better off just towing the line and not doing anything to rock the boat.
Her problem is........ she just doesn't like this particular person anymore. Oh... Did I mention that they used to be BEST FRIENDS? Its really nothing more than selfishness because this time last year this girl was not talking to me and we had a birthday party for the youngest and Baby Mama brought this girl to MY house even though SHE was not talking to me! But I didn't care because the boys love her.
I appreciate the response and YES I know that I have no LEGAL rights. I certainly don't owe her an apology. Why would I?
For the sake of the children some peace should be made. I'm not "lucky" that she let's me take them and around their family. Thats their family and they have the right to see them. These boys are 16 and 13 so they are well aware and old enough to know what they want and who they want to see.
Baby Mama and I actually have a good relationship. We get along and consult each other when making decisions. We go to parent teacher conferences together and sit next to each other at baseball games and co-host birthday parties. We even get together to supply snacks for little league. However like any family, we do disagree on this ONE issue. I was hoping to get someone input on how to talk to her and get her to understand that this is about her children and not me or her! I don't appreciate comments like "end the relationship" or "you have no rights."
That is not how our family works!
Her problem is........ she just doesn't like this particular person anymore. Oh... Did I mention that they used to be BEST FRIENDS? Its really nothing more than selfishness because this time last year this girl was not talking to me and we had a birthday party for the youngest and Baby Mama brought this girl to MY house even though SHE was not talking to me! But I didn't care because the boys love her.
I appreciate the response and YES I know that I have no LEGAL rights. I certainly don't owe her an apology. Why would I?
For the sake of the children some peace should be made. I'm not "lucky" that she let's me take them and around their family. Thats their family and they have the right to see them. These boys are 16 and 13 so they are well aware and old enough to know what they want and who they want to see.
Baby Mama and I actually have a good relationship. We get along and consult each other when making decisions. We go to parent teacher conferences together and sit next to each other at baseball games and co-host birthday parties. We even get together to supply snacks for little league. However like any family, we do disagree on this ONE issue. I was hoping to get someone input on how to talk to her and get her to understand that this is about her children and not me or her! I don't appreciate comments like "end the relationship" or "you have no rights."
That is not how our family works!
To repeat, the bottom line is, she is their mom - what she says goes, REGARDLESS of how silly, petty or nuts it might sound or actually be.
You are not married to dad, you have no rights other than the ones SHE alllows you to have. Because of that, I'd stay on her good side .
Sure you can try to reason with her ONCE to make a case for your friends, but after that I'd let it go. She is entitled to say who her kids can and can't associate with, including you actually.
Yes I know she is their mom. You're right I have no legal rights. Even though I cut her a monthly check for child support. Even though I DONT NEED TO OR EVEN HAVE TO. I DO IT FOR THE KIDS. I know my place.... I have no intention of going against her wishes. But her kids are suffering because they miss this family and she sees no reasoning. That is selfish and I just want her to see that.
Yes I know she is their mom. You're right I have no legal rights. Even though I cut her a monthly check for child support. Even though I DONT NEED TO OR EVEN HAVE TO. I DO IT FOR THE KIDS. I know my place.... I have no intention of going against her wishes. But her kids are suffering because they miss this family and she sees no reasoning. That is selfish and I just want her to see that.
Like yankeegirl said, maybe mom knows something about them that you don't.
Whether you agree with mom or not, you have to respect her position and just let this go.
I do hope you are not complaining about mom and her opinion on these friends to the kids?
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