News, More black women consider 'dating out' (personal, difference, boys)

[Miss Crabcakes]

I think that this topic goes a whole that further than black women need to find white men.

What I am hearing is black women are choosing wrong and being too picky and that black men are behind and are not choosing black women.

I think its possible that there is a breakdown in general within the black community in which young black boys and girls are getting mixed messages about dating and mating. This is just my off-the-cuff ramble, so here (read) me out.

From my observations I feel like black women are not necessarity taught how to find a good husband and at the same time, how many little black buys are taught to be good husbands? I just know as a black woman myself I was taught to get my education, get my career, make my money and be independent...don't depend on a man. I've even been told I don't need a man to have a baby! Luckily, I didn't listen but that is the direct message I got.

I look around and how many black men do I see with babies by women they have no desire to marry? Who emulate hip hop stars who brag about how many women they bed every night?

I just feel like its not 1 thing, its a dozen things going wrong here and it starts at home. And black men and women have been at odds with each other for decades. Now we have this strong hip hop culture telling everybody sex and materialism is more important and who is to tell us family is??? That love is???

Just my quick 2 cents.

[hitman619]

Originally Posted by BajanYankee

Getting back to the article, I don't know how viable a strategy dating white men is for black women, even though opening themselves to the possibility can't hurt their chances of finding love.

"I'm gonna go get me a white man" is the refrain I hear from Ivy League-educated black women here in DC just about every day. Here's the challenge in pulling that off:

1. Most black women want a white man of equal or higher caliber than the best black man they could get. For many black women, in Washington, DC anyway, this means a lawyer or doctor solidly in the six figures (with swag). The problem is that white women are checking for these men, too. Brad the Surgeon will take Scarlett Johansson over Zoe Saldana all day every day. The fact of the matter is that both men and women are very racially provincial when it comes to long-term relationships.

2. Asian women snatch many of the quality white guys away from white women. If she thinks getting the few attractive black men is competitive, just wait until she has to compete against Asian women who land studly white men with their eyes closed.

3. This, in turn, means that a black woman is not likely to get the bargain she's hoping for by going outside of the race. Statistically, yes, her chances improve. But it might not be worth the confidence debasement that may result in competing against white and Asian women for the most studly of studly white alpha males.

This is all true!^^^^
Black women are behind the curb when it comes to dating outside their race imo.
Asian and white women tend to be more submissive in a relationship hence,Why white men chose them over other races!

Black women have a long,up hill battle to fight when it comes to dating outside their race.
They have to learn how to be more submissive in a relationship.

It's kinda hard to learn how to be submissive when your only role models are other "strong single black women"!

[pgtvatitans]

Originally Posted by yayoi

The reasons why they do what they do is irrelevant. No one is holding a gun head to their heads after all. If they didn't want to do these things then they wouldn't do them, plain and simple.

But that's people for ya. People go on about reasons for this or that in an attempt to shift a sliver of responsibility to something else. They can't admit that they're too weak to go against the grain. This applies to both men and women.

You like money right? Do you like working for it or would you like to have it without working? There is something that we all want but we may have to take certain means to get it. I know I like to have a house, a car for myself and my wife, and money to buy things for my children, but the only way I can do it is by having money. So how do I get money? I have to work. Would I take the money and not work? YES! But I have to.

It's no different than black boys who want black girls. They like black girls. Being a nerd or studious is not going to give them what they want. So how do they get the black girls they want? Act hard, pretend to be thuggish and exert 'bad' attitude. Do you not see the correlation?

[Gil3]

Miss Crabcakes wrote:

And black men and women have been at odds with each other for decades.

I remember reading an article in Ebony that interviewed Dr. Alvin Poussaint and his wife..I think this particular article is over 30 years old, but it touches and highlights many of the points you listed.

[pgtvatitans]

Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes

I think that this topic goes a whole that further than black women need to find white men.

What I am hearing is black women are choosing wrong and being too picky and that black men are behind and are not choosing black women.

I think its possible that there is a breakdown in general within the black community in which young black boys and girls are getting mixed messages about dating and mating. This is just my off-the-cuff ramble, so here (read) me out.

From my observations I feel like black women are not necessarity taught how to find a good husband and at the same time, how many little black buys are taught to be good husbands? I just know as a black woman myself I was taught to get my education, get my career, make my money and be independent...don't depend on a man. I've even been told I don't need a man to have a baby! Luckily, I didn't listen but that is the direct message I got.

I look around and how many black men do I see with babies by women they have no desire to marry? Who emulate hip hop stars who brag about how many women they bed every night?

I just feel like its not 1 thing, its a dozen things going wrong here and it starts at home. And black men and women have been at odds with each other for decades. Now we have this strong hip hop culture telling everybody sex and materialism is more important and who is to tell us family is??? That love is???

Just my quick 2 cents.

Bingo! Completely agree!

[Miss Crabcakes]

Originally Posted by Gil3

Miss Crabcakes wrote:



I remember reading an article in Ebony that interviewed Dr. Alvin Poussaint and his wife..I think this particular article is over 30 years old, but it touches and highlights many of the points you listed.

Yeah. I read something similar not too long ago. It was an article on the differences between how black girls and white girls date and how white girls start considering future husbands while in high school and college, while black girls focus on education and careers first, then worry about husbands when they approach 30 and after they have their careers set. That's when I first realized that was how I was taught.

I can only imagine the lessons little boys learn growing up without fathers in the house or not married to mom. And with other children somewhere else.

[LuckyGem]

It's time people stop using "race" in finding a partner and simply find the best partner suited for them.

The best guy in the world for you might be from India, and because you can't imagine yourself with a guy from India you close yourself off from finding the best guy in the world for you.

That's sad. But it's one of the hurdles that challenges some humans, they can't get past what color of skin covers their bones.

[Raging-Hetero]

Originally Posted by BajanYankee

The truth is usually ugly as hell.

Pun intended?

[darrensmooth]

Originally Posted by LuckyGem

It's time people stop using "race" in finding a partner and simply find the best partner suited for them.

The best guy in the world for you might be from India, and because you can't imagine yourself with a guy from India you close yourself off from finding the best guy in the world for you.

That's sad. But it's one of the hurdles that challenges some humans, they can't get past what color of skin covers their bones.

race is an attribute that will either attract or repel just like any other attribute, not much we can do about it really.

[LuckyGem]

Originally Posted by darrensmooth

race is an attribute that will either attract or repel just like any other attribute, not much we can do about it really.

There's a lot you can do.

#1. Don't consider it.

Race is a man-made social concept with zero foundation in biology, modern anthropology or science.

If you don't regard it as important or relevant it doesn't matter.