News, More black women consider 'dating out' (loving, attracted, older)

[yayoi]

Some people consider race to be an important factor when choosing a mate. We have no right to judge.

[miu]

Originally Posted by yayoi

Some people consider race to be an important factor when choosing a mate. We have no right to judge.

Very true. Consider that when most people marry, they want to have children. Mixed race children sometimes feel very self conscious about their looks and other kids pick on them. Of course, kids will pick on any weakness.

[Jadel812]

Originally Posted by miu

Very true. Consider that when most people marry, they want to have children. Mixed race children sometimes feel very self conscious about their looks and other kids pick on them. Of course, kids will pick on any weakness.

We don't feel self conscious about our looks, we feel self conscious because people such as yourself tend to make a big deal about being of mixed race. Considering that you are Asian and you don't date Asian men, I will conclude that you only date white men..Don't you believe that your children will be of mixed race? Or are you one of those Asians who believe that you're actually white?

[Jadel812]

You know what's funny, I was raised in a predominantly white neighborhood which means all of my friends were white. As a result, I have dated men of different colors and I got stared at if I was with a white guy, by white women....I got stared at if I was with a spanish guy.....but I can honestly say, I wouldn't have dated those guys if I didn't feel we had anything in common.... Having something in common with another person has absolutely nothing to do with his or her race...It's all about the mentality of that person. If you feel that you can't relate to a white person it is because you choose to segregate yourself from them.

I know I'm gonna get a lot of slack for saying this, but I speak what I feel is the truth... We tend to say that the "man" is keeping us down...But how will we ever get up if we refuse to get to know more about "the man"?
Once again, we need to stop looking at colors and look at the individual...As an individual.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Jadel812

We don't feel self conscious about our looks, we feel self conscious because people such as yourself tend to make a big deal about being of mixed race. Considering that you are Asian and you don't date Asian men, I will conclude that you only date white men..Don't you believe that your children will be of mixed race? Or are you one of those Asians who believe that you're actually white?

Please... I've talked to and read enough about mixed breed people growing up and being looked down upon, they got a difficult time about being a not one or the other and were an outside to kids of both races that were in their genetic makeup. If you think that it's all made up, then fine, stay in your politically correct little bubble.

As to what I feel, I actually feel completely neutral most of the time. As in having no color at all and just being a plain ole American. I like food of all ethnicities and only speak English. I feel no ties to other Chinese people, least of all those over in mainland China. I actually like Japanese culture better than Chinese culture in terms of the food, antiques and products. Both traditional Chinese and Japanese societies have some screwy male chauvinistic attitudes that I despise, but that's a whole other thread in the making.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Jadel812

I know I'm gonna get a lot of slack for saying this, but I speak what I feel is the truth... We tend to say that the "man" is keeping us down...But how will we ever get up if we refuse to get to know more about "the man"?
Once again, we need to stop looking at colors and look at the individual...As an individual.

Who is exactly the "man" keeping you down? Men in general or the white man? One of my Chinese friends like to say that too and it makes no sense to me.

[yayoi]

Miu,

Well I guess I live in a PC bubble because all of the biracial people I know don't seem to have any issues with their identities. They don't choose sides, they just say what they are, biracial. Even my nephew (black dad, white mom), who lived with his racist stepfather, doesn't seem to have any racial identity issues. I'm not saying that aren't any biracial people have identiy issues, I just think that people blow it waaaay out of proportion.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by miu

I think that it's great to be openminded about dating outside ones race. But as an Asian woman, I find it icky when men of other races approach because they have a thing for Asian women. And I find that a huge turnoff for me. I have chosen my boyfriends based more on their inner qualities. I want someone really smart, slightly ambitious, kind, funny and who also has similar interests and morals to mine.

To defend the average man who may "have a thing" for Asian women.... I mean hey, it just may be a physical attraction thing like anything else, but in the end the dating criteria are still the same. A particular man isn't going to date just any Asian woman because "he has a thing" for Asian women. They still have to pass all the other typical tests for a relationship....

Me personally??? Fantasy gal is probably a red-headed Irish woman or a blonde Nordic Goddess, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to discard all other criteria that I look for in a woman in order to date the first one I find. (yes I'm married. Speaking hypothetically here ....)

Now if your point is that there are some out there that "have a thing" for Asian women is more that there are (let's face it) white guys out there that want to be with an Asian woman sexually because they find them exotic or want to add a notch to their belt, or whatever. I suppose they're out there, but does it really happen more to Asian women than any other woman that simply has to beware of men looking to bed them??? (and that's a serious question because I'd never thought of that....)

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by yayoi

Miu,

Well I guess I live in a PC bubble because all of the biracial people I know don't seem to have any issues with their identities. They don't choose sides, they just say what they are, biracial. Even my nephew (black dad, white mom), who lived with his racist stepfather, doesn't seem to have any racial identity issues. I'm not saying that aren't any biracial people have identiy issues, I just think that people blow it waaaay out of proportion.

I remember a girl I worked with in college at an art store who was bi-racial (and DROP DEAD GORGEOUS to boot)... Well the art store was owned and run by a black lady and the majority of the employees were black and the girl was looking to join a sorority and we were talking and she was telling me the ones she was looking to join...... The manager from out of nowhere started giving this poor girl the third degree because her list didn't include any of the traditionally all-black sororities... I watched and listened to this girl get berrated by her boss until she was crying uncontrollably having been made to feel guilty for being bi-racial and choosing to go the "white route" in this decision....

I've never really mentioned this story to anyone, or really analyzed it except to think that we ALL see color and it isn't easy to be caught in the middle as someone of mixed races...

[GoddessofRandomThoughts]

Y'all do realize that most people are biracial/triracial/multiracial/whatever to some degree,right??

Most "black" people have a little bit of all kinds of races in their family tree.
And many if not most "white" people can find a few folks from different races in their family tree if they look.

Which is why I have always felt free to date whomever I wish to date.