News, More black women consider 'dating out' (marry, loyalty, singles)

[miu]

Originally Posted by VAFury

Now if your point is that there are some out there that "have a thing" for Asian women is more that there are (let's face it) white guys out there that want to be with an Asian woman sexually because they find them exotic or want to add a notch to their belt, or whatever. I suppose they're out there, but does it really happen more to Asian women than any other woman that simply has to beware of men looking to bed them??? (and that's a serious question because I'd never thought of that....)

I don't know if it happens more to Asians than any other type of woman, and I wasn't implying that it did. I was just saying that as an Asian woman, I find it a huge turnoff if I find out that a man wanting to date me has a pattern of asking Asian women out and he is not an Asian himself. Part of the turnoff is the perception that Asian women are so polite and submissive.

[miu]

Originally Posted by yayoi

Miu,

Well I guess I live in a PC bubble because all of the biracial people I know don't seem to have any issues with their identities. They don't choose sides, they just say what they are, biracial. Even my nephew (black dad, white mom), who lived with his racist stepfather, doesn't seem to have any racial identity issues. I'm not saying that aren't any biracial people have identiy issues, I just think that people blow it waaaay out of proportion.

I grew up in a pretty nice safe bubble myself. I never got bullied in class and overall my school system was very accepting of all races and religions.

Otherwise, I want to point out that it's all well and good for us adults to say that someone being biracial is not big deal, but it's a huge deal for any child that is trying to be accepted by his or her peers. Those are the individuals getting hurt. And children are the same ones in the schoolyards that like to mock someone for having "four-eyes" or "tinsel teeth". As adults, we don't stoop to that sort of immature behaviour. And even though biracial children are getting lots of love and support within their families, once they leave their house, they're on their own. Now a biracial child could be immune from mockery if they are a really goodlooking, have rich or famous parents, or maybe they are a good athlete. But if a biracial child is typical average, then they are subject to the usual cruel pecking order process that happens in most schoolyards.

I've got nieces that are half Chinese and half-white. Their dad is really tall. They are in their early teens and much taller than the rest of their classmates. If I were them, I'd be happy and thinking about a future modelling career, but instead they aren't that happy in school. The older one gets picked on by the other girls, and last year, some freshmen boys in high school were hanging around her middle school and hoping to be the first guys to get a piece of her.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by miu

I don't know if it happens more to Asians than any other type of woman, and I wasn't implying that it did. I was just saying that as an Asian woman, I find it a huge turnoff if I find out that a man wanting to date me has a pattern of asking Asian women out and he is not an Asian himself. Part of the turnoff is the perception that Asian women are so polite and submissive.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'd guess the vast majority of men that "have a thing" for Asian women do so because they think they're beautiful, not because they're looking for a submissive sex toy...

Guess I was trying to figure out whether you found it insulting to be found attractive in part because of your race....

[miu]

Originally Posted by VAFury

I guess what I'm saying is that I'd guess the vast majority of men that "have a thing" for Asian women do so because they think they're beautiful, not because they're looking for a submissive sex toy...

Guess I was trying to figure out whether you found it insulting to be found attractive in part because of your race....

Insulted? More like I'm not interested in any man that is attracted by my looks first. I want him to take notice of the inner me first and foremost. I've found men that go by looks first to be not the sort of men I want to date. Maybe that's odd, but that's just the way I am and the rest of my family too. We fall with the inner person and how they think and feel not surface beauty.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by miu

Insulted? More like I'm not interested in any man that is attracted by my looks first. I want him to take notice of the inner me first and foremost. I've found men that go by looks first to be not the sort of men I want to date. Maybe that's odd, but that's just the way I am and the rest of my family too. We fall with the inner person and how they think and feel not surface beauty.

It's not odd at all. It's the type of response I would expect on a message board. When we're all honest with ourselves howver, the vast majority of people are initially attracted to people via their looks. Let's face it. It's simple. It's instant. It takes zero time to determine that someone attracts you and it piques a persons initial interest in getting to know someone. There has to be SOMETHING there to want to get to know a stranger initially.

That's not to say that people can't become attracted to others for many other reasons, but........ Typically these are people that we meet due to circumstance and find out, "Hey, he's got a great sense of humor", or "Wow, this woman's got such a fresh opinion on things." or something, but these aren't things you gather about people without first making contact.

Now what inspires a person to make that first contact??? Exactly.

Just my thoughts..... I'm simply saying that you can't discount a person because they think you're attractive.

[Brooklyn_QueenBee]

I have dated blacks, whites and one middle eastern. I prefer tall, bald and 220 pds. If a man fit those categories than I will give him a try.

Funny story in a club in NY. An Asian man asked me to dance, I looked him up and down, than declined. His response was, "Do not let the slanted eyes fool you". I laughed so much and we danced the entire night. As people we do make judgements, we need to stop judging and do more loving. No color barriers for me.

[miu]

Originally Posted by VAFury

It's not odd at all. It's the type of response I would expect on a message board. When we're all honest with ourselves howver, the vast majority of people are initially attracted to people via their looks. Let's face it. It's simple. It's instant. It takes zero time to determine that someone attracts you and it piques a persons initial interest in getting to know someone. There has to be SOMETHING there to want to get to know a stranger initially.

That's not to say that people can't become attracted to others for many other reasons, but........ Typically these are people that we meet due to circumstance and find out, "Hey, he's got a great sense of humor", or "Wow, this woman's got such a fresh opinion on things." or something, but these aren't things you gather about people without first making contact.

Now what inspires a person to make that first contact??? Exactly.

Just my thoughts..... I'm simply saying that you can't discount a person because they think you're attractive.

My past LTR boyfriends and the current one weren't men that initially struck me as handsome. While I have had mini crushes on cute guys, I have never gone out with them. And two of those, once I got to know them better, turned out to be guys that would have made terrible boyfriends for me. Actually, while I do notice certain gorgeous guys, after a little scrutiny from afar, they usually turn out to be shallow and only out for a good time. So... the men that end up dating are probably plain looking, but have the personality and smarts that I want in a man. I will make friends first, then if they impress me as a person I can trust and respect, and he gets along with me, we proceed forward to a romance.

But I think that men and women for the most part approach dating differently. Men are more visually stimulated, but women look at other aspects before deciding who to date. Here's an interesting study:
Dearth Of Suitable Males For University Educated Japanese Women And I see that all the time. As an educated woman, I am looking for a mate that is my equal intellectually. And good looks has little correlation on what's going on in his brain. If anything, a good looking man is going to be more of a ladies man, and I don't want a player. What I adore about my boyfriend is that he doesn't drool over hot women. And if he knows that they are doing the dumb blonde thing, then he is turned off. He's a male version of me. lol

[Jasmin71]

I am from Germany, guess I am use to seeing all.

It dont bother me a bit to see blacks with white, or asian with americans,,,,,
All are people ... and honestly if youre happy with youre Spouse who cares what anyone else thinks.

wanna hear something funny.... I when I was single played arround with one of those dating sites, and one of the Questions are * What race do you want too find*
I refused to answer this because I dont care whether a person is black, yellow, green or blue.. more important to me is the person itself

Now if you ask my family, sisters are like me.... Mother is 100% against it ?! guess why we dont get allong ..

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by miu

My past LTR boyfriends and the current one weren't men that initially struck me as handsome. While I have had mini crushes on cute guys, I have never gone out with them. And two of those, once I got to know them better, turned out to be guys that would have made terrible boyfriends for me. Actually, while I do notice certain gorgeous guys, after a little scrutiny from afar, they usually turn out to be shallow and only out for a good time. So... the men that end up dating are probably plain looking, but have the personality and smarts that I want in a man. I will make friends first, then if they impress me as a person I can trust and respect, and he gets along with me, we proceed forward to a romance.

But I think that men and women for the most part approach dating differently. Men are more visually stimulated, but women look at other aspects before deciding who to date. Here's an interesting study:
Dearth Of Suitable Males For University Educated Japanese Women And I see that all the time. As an educated woman, I am looking for a mate that is my equal intellectually. And good looks has little correlation on what's going on in his brain. If anything, a good looking man is going to be more of a ladies man, and I don't want a player. What I adore about my boyfriend is that he doesn't drool over hot women. And if he knows that they are doing the dumb blonde thing, then he is turned off. He's a male version of me. lol

Absolutely. Expands on my point I think... Sure there's more to the romance, but much of the time it's the intitial physical attraction that gets you close enough to get to know the person... Certainly a LOT of attractive people that one would walk away from once they open their mouth though...

[Nthng2Prv]

Originally Posted by GoddessofRandomThoughts

The same things you would have in common with men from any other race, country, ethinic group, whatever.

A person is a person. Yes, how, where and by whom you were raised makes a difference but in the end it is about who you are as an individual.

I have met men who are black, btw I am black, with a similar background to my own and had little or nothing in common with them. That we are black and from the same socioeconomic group does not guarantee that we will click.

I have met white, black, latino, asian etc men from all socioenomic groups and found that my getting along with them does not depend on their race or their upbringing but on who they have become since they became adults.

We as a race, the human race, spend way too much time worrying about stupid things like color , religion, social class, etc.

There really are more important things to consider when choosing someone to spend your life with.


I guess it is obvious from this rant that I don't worry about color when I choose who I wish to date. I have dated men from a number of races.

BTW, I never got that talk from my mother or anyone else in my family about who to bring home, at least not in regards to color. Guess we didn't get that memo.

Everyone says that a person is a person, race doesn't matter, religion doesn't matter and who you are is independent of all of that but realistically that isn't always true. Your race and how people treat you because of your race or your experiences dealing with race do have an impact on who you become. And I'm not saying it's impossible for me to have a relationship with a white person, but for me...Well I guess this is how I see it; as a Black woman there's certain things I understand about the world around me that I don't believe a White person could. If I'm standing by the street on Lexington Avenue in New York with a Black man or woman he/she understands why the cab isn't stopping for us but is picking up the white woman down the block. A white man, I'll say 8 times out of 10 doesn't. Not because he doesn't care but because we're experiencing things differently. For me, that understanding needs to already be there and I've always had that understanding because all I have ever dated is minorities.