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Old 05-31-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 227,025 times
Reputation: 30

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Ok, so I started talking to a guy online. We set up a date, but it was going to be several weeks before our date. In the meantime, another guy asked me out. Since then, I have gone out with him four times. I recently went out with the other guy and had a great time. Both seem to be interested, and I really like both of them. I've never specifically said I was dating other people although since we've never discussed being exclusive, I'm assuming they are still dating others too if they want. I just don't really know how to choose. This is the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time, and I don't want to string either of them along. They both have things I really like about them. I've thought about dating both of them a little longer and get to know them better. But I'm not sure how to mention I'm dating others or if I even need to worry about it since we haven't discussed being exclusive. I'm not sleeping with either of them, and in fact haven't had anything phycial happen with either one yet (kissing, holding hands, etc). Does anyone who is used to dating more than one person at a time have any advice?
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:20 PM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,622 posts, read 5,815,237 times
Reputation: 3933
I find it really awkward to be seeing more than one guy at a time, but I have done it. I made it clear from the start that I was talking to a couple of guys. And of course, they were talking to a couple other women (one admitted to it, but I expected the same from the other guys). If it's an online dating scenario, it's par for the course, for the most part. The first get-togethers were "meets", not "dates". Once you get to a second meeting, which is a "date", things get complicated.

It's even more difficult in "offline" dating, where you first meet in person, or already know the guy, so your first "get together" will be an actual date. I feel like I'm in an episode of Three's Company in those cases. A couple guys I have been out with or are still seeing are on my (pardon my French) Facebook friends list (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS)! I don't know how people do it.

Last edited by Neemy; 05-31-2011 at 03:32 PM..
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:29 PM
 
Location: USA
31,041 posts, read 22,077,427 times
Reputation: 19081
I'm a serial dater and it is best to say upfront asap that you are not exclusive. "Don't ask don't tell" policy both sides works best. Almost all woman I have seen say they are fine with it initially. Eventually it gets sour as it seems to be in a womans nature to corral just one.

It's ok to date whoever you want. Explore your boundries and learn. Plus, they stay on their toes and are on best behavior when they know there's competition
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:43 PM
 
175 posts, read 914,265 times
Reputation: 161
Wow, I've never been in your situation...I find it hard enough to find ONE guy that I'm interested in (well, mutually interested in anyway)! Have you already talked with each guy about heavier topics (e.g., views about marriage, children, values, beliefs, goals in life, etc.)? If not, that might help paint a better picture of your compatibility with each guy. For me, those topics are usually where I quickly find out with whom I'm not compatible long-term. Good luck!
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Old 05-31-2011, 08:57 PM
 
5,730 posts, read 10,127,514 times
Reputation: 8052
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
Ok, so I started talking to a guy online. We set up a date, but it was going to be several weeks before our date. In the meantime, another guy asked me out. Since then, I have gone out with him four times. I recently went out with the other guy and had a great time. Both seem to be interested, and I really like both of them. I've never specifically said I was dating other people although since we've never discussed being exclusive, I'm assuming they are still dating others too if they want. I just don't really know how to choose. This is the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time, and I don't want to string either of them along. They both have things I really like about them. I've thought about dating both of them a little longer and get to know them better. But I'm not sure how to mention I'm dating others or if I even need to worry about it since we haven't discussed being exclusive. I'm not sleeping with either of them, and in fact haven't had anything phycial happen with either one yet (kissing, holding hands, etc). Does anyone who is used to dating more than one person at a time have any advice?

Sounds good.
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Old 05-31-2011, 09:02 PM
 
37,612 posts, read 45,996,704 times
Reputation: 57194
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
Ok, so I started talking to a guy online. We set up a date, but it was going to be several weeks before our date. In the meantime, another guy asked me out. Since then, I have gone out with him four times. I recently went out with the other guy and had a great time. Both seem to be interested, and I really like both of them. I've never specifically said I was dating other people although since we've never discussed being exclusive, I'm assuming they are still dating others too if they want. I just don't really know how to choose. This is the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time, and I don't want to string either of them along. They both have things I really like about them. I've thought about dating both of them a little longer and get to know them better. But I'm not sure how to mention I'm dating others or if I even need to worry about it since we haven't discussed being exclusive. I'm not sleeping with either of them, and in fact haven't had anything phycial happen with either one yet (kissing, holding hands, etc). Does anyone who is used to dating more than one person at a time have any advice?
You've not discussed being exclusive and you aren't sleeping with either one. You don't have anything to say, really, at this point. Most people will be seeing more than one person, until they decide to become exclusive. At that point, then you discuss it.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:57 AM
 
13,511 posts, read 19,281,755 times
Reputation: 16580
You're only dating....and may the best man win!!
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,471,479 times
Reputation: 10809
Pretty soon one or the other will appeal more to you. The guy (B) with whom you've only had one date is the one you have the least information about so far, so try to see him before (A). I doubt that it should take more than a few dates in most cases to make a choice, but if you want to continue seeing both, it would be good to tell both that you're just dating non-exclusively for now.
And if you DO want to sleep with both, then you really should let them both know and let them decide if they want to continue in those circumstances. Some will, some won't. But honesty in such situations is both the wise and ethical path.
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
7,915 posts, read 18,624,668 times
Reputation: 5524
One thing you might consider is to simply inform both of these guys of your predicament without making it sound like it's some kind of contest. You found yourself in an awkward situation without having done anything wrong. The only way to find out which one would work out better is by getting to know them better as TaoistDude mentioned. I think if you explained it tactfully you could make them understand that you hadn't planned on going out with more than one guy at the same time and in the interests of not hurting either guy's feelings it would probably be best to not get very romantic with either one unless you've come to the conclusion that you've made your decision.
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:50 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,092,366 times
Reputation: 3345
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
Ok, so I started talking to a guy online. We set up a date, but it was going to be several weeks before our date. In the meantime, another guy asked me out. Since then, I have gone out with him four times. I recently went out with the other guy and had a great time. Both seem to be interested, and I really like both of them. I've never specifically said I was dating other people although since we've never discussed being exclusive, I'm assuming they are still dating others too if they want. I just don't really know how to choose. This is the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time, and I don't want to string either of them along. They both have things I really like about them. I've thought about dating both of them a little longer and get to know them better. But I'm not sure how to mention I'm dating others or if I even need to worry about it since we haven't discussed being exclusive. I'm not sleeping with either of them, and in fact haven't had anything phycial happen with either one yet (kissing, holding hands, etc). Does anyone who is used to dating more than one person at a time have any advice?

When I met my boyfriend I knew on the first day I met him I only wanted to be with him...I think when you find that someone you know..
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