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Old 06-01-2011, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Centro Tejas
434 posts, read 467,506 times
Reputation: 234
Well, I've been over nine months with my current man and I moved to his place in less than a month of meeting him. A few months ago, we moved to a new place; is so much better living in a neutral place than living in HIS place.
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 13,468,554 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicaTX View Post
I have a guy and we've been dating for almost 2 years.

He's been asking me to move in with him for a long time and more recently started giving me all these compelling reasons why we should live together. Last week he finally persuaded me so I started packing some stuff for storage and looking forward to this exciting new phase of our relationship.

This week he's talking about how he doesn't think it's a good idea afterall. And how he's not sure/worried/place may be too small/maybe it would hurt our relationship/how he hasn't lived with a woman since his divorce 100 years ago, blah blah. Weird thing is, I was perfectly content where I was!!

WTF??

Other than feeling a little played and toyed with, I'm not out anything since I haven't rented a storage unit or given my landlord notice. But I am left confused here. Even though I'm ok with my living situation for now, it still hurts and I feel rejected. Also can't help but wonder - does this mean our relationship has NO future? Or did he just panic? Worry I could turn in to some shrew he's stuck with?! I have no idea.

Hoping another man on here can explain his sudden change of heart??
Are you engaged?
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
3,968 posts, read 2,936,381 times
Reputation: 5282
Default Living together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Infatuous1 View Post
Sounds as though he got cold feet. Good thing you didn't agree to marry him, he may have left you stranded at the alter. I'd be very leery of this guy from here on out.
I doubt that you know her boy friend personally, so how can you say he would leave her stranded at the alter? Pure speculation on your part, you forgot to add that...
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Texas
37 posts, read 39,050 times
Reputation: 50
Thanks all. I think this is where the gender gap is. What I mean is, women see things one way, men another. Other women would feel jaded like I do/did, but men would probably get what he's doing and maybe don't see the harm in it.

And no, not engaged. Neither of us wants to get married, at least not anytime soon. We've discussed that and both of us seem to be on the same page there.

Since almost the beginning of our dating, he's asked me to live with him. Said he's never asked another woman he was dating to live with him, but somehow I'm different?? So when I finally consent, he gives me the ol it's not you it's me thing. But then he's kind of delicate with me after that, making small talk like he's scared or walking on eggshells.

Nite Ryder - I'm sure you're right. I do overthink things. Only hurts my feelings because it feels like a pull-me-in to push-me-away kind of thing. Yo-yo's might be fun to play with, but not fun being one.

Jay-Jay - I agree. Moving in on established territory would probably make things tense. A new place with a fresh start works better. Happy for you.

For now, I'll just leave well enough alone and let him deal with his conflict his own way. Probably is him and not me anyway. Thanks again!
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 13,468,554 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicaTX View Post
Thanks all. I think this is where the gender gap is. What I mean is, women see things one way, men another. Other women would feel jaded like I do/did, but men would probably get what he's doing and maybe don't see the harm in it.

And no, not engaged. Neither of us wants to get married, at least not anytime soon. We've discussed that and both of us seem to be on the same page there.

Since almost the beginning of our dating, he's asked me to live with him. Said he's never asked another woman he was dating to live with him, but somehow I'm different?? So when I finally consent, he gives me the ol it's not you it's me thing. But then he's kind of delicate with me after that, making small talk like he's scared or walking on eggshells.

Nite Ryder - I'm sure you're right. I do overthink things. Only hurts my feelings because it feels like a pull-me-in to push-me-away kind of thing. Yo-yo's might be fun to play with, but not fun being one.

Jay-Jay - I agree. Moving in on established territory would probably make things tense. A new place with a fresh start works better. Happy for you.

For now, I'll just leave well enough alone and let him deal with his conflict his own way. Probably is him and not me anyway. Thanks again!
Moving in together without a roadmap to marriage is like walking into a shytpit. When the stench gets out of control, one of the two gets out.

Seriously??
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:56 PM
 
Location: 'Shangri-La 'mountains west of Wolf Creek, Oregon
12,312 posts, read 8,407,364 times
Reputation: 7708
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicaTX View Post
I have a guy and we've been dating for almost 2 years.

He's been asking me to move in with him for a long time and more recently started giving me all these compelling reasons why we should live together. Last week he finally persuaded me so I started packing some stuff for storage and looking forward to this exciting new phase of our relationship.

This week he's talking about how he doesn't think it's a good idea afterall. And how he's not sure/worried/place may be too small/maybe it would hurt our relationship/how he hasn't lived with a woman since his divorce 100 years ago, blah blah. Weird thing is, I was perfectly content where I was!!

WTF??

Other than feeling a little played and toyed with, I'm not out anything since I haven't rented a storage unit or given my landlord notice. But I am left confused here. Even though I'm ok with my living situation for now, it still hurts and I feel rejected. Also can't help but wonder - does this mean our relationship has NO future? Or did he just panic? Worry I could turn in to some shrew he's stuck with?! I have no idea.

Hoping another man on here can explain his sudden change of heart??

I don't know why your guy would act like this.
I feel what helps a close loving relationship to grow, is to love each other, respect each other, talk to each other.

My beloved barb & i happily lived together for 21 years, until she passed in 2006, from brain cancer.

Best of Luck to you Jessica.
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,650 posts, read 8,522,933 times
Reputation: 8608
You know your guy better than any of us, and other men can only guess too. You did mention that he has problems with mood swings, so that could be part of it.

My only suggestion would be to ask him, if it's bothering you. Frank discussions aren't harmful to strong relationships, only to weak ones. You seem to be a reasonable person, so just tell him it's been bothering you a little, just like you told us. Ask him if you should be concerned. Don't fly off the handle, become accusatory or demanding. (I don't think that's you anyway.)

It never hurts to clear the air a little now and then.

Good luck.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:13 PM
 
4,803 posts, read 2,947,823 times
Reputation: 3939
Is it possible that he really does truly love you, but that he's worried that "moving in together first", before a marriage for example, is more likely to have a detrimental effect on any hypothetical future marriage? Statistically, they do say that marriages where the spouses have lived together, first, are more likely to fail, than those who don't...
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:17 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 4,652,847 times
Reputation: 3531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Moving in together without a roadmap to marriage is like walking into a shytpit. When the stench gets out of control, one of the two gets out.

Seriously??
AC, you need to branch out of the box a bit.

Uniformly advising the above to a 84 and 70 yo couple, or 55 and 45 yo couple just shows your youth.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,274,494 times
Reputation: 8400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Moving in together without a roadmap to marriage is like walking into a shytpit. When the stench gets out of control, one of the two gets out.

Seriously??
No injury, imagined or real, is ever so serious that a good morals-whipping won't enhance it, right?

Keep your morals in your own pocket - that way they won't get stepped on.
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