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Yes, but you might feel different at 52. A beautiful 34-yr-old in her prime?
Sorry Jenna. I read where you said if you didn't initiate, he wouldn't either. Maybe it's also that he's tired. Does he work long hours or have a lot of responsibilities? That and the meds cause mine problems too so I read up on it. The advice I got was try not to take it personal or make him feel bad about it. He may be having issues with this too. Again, he's 52 with a beautiful young wife! I'm sure it can't be doing anything for his ego knowing he can't satisfy his woman.
Thanks Jessica, He does not work long hours but he does have a lot of responsibilities. Maybe I have put too much pressure on him. Maybe when I bring it up It makes him feel like he is failing me. Thanks for being the voice of reason.
He does not need it for the 1 to 2 times a week but he has it because he is on high blood pressure and cholesteral meds.
He's 52 and he obviously has health issues.
In addition to the hypertension and cholesterol for which he is on medication (side effects of which I don't know), is he also physically overweight or out of shape? Does he smoke? Are there other stresses in his life? Is his health a stressful topic?
I think instead of looking for the answers to "fix him" by bringing his libido up to yours, which may be a losing battle and create resentment on both sides, maybe you can work together to find new & creative ways that he can meet your needs without expecting him to perform.
I'm sure you feel hurt and frustrated by all this, but I honestly don't think that his lower libido is a reflection on you at all or his love and attraction for you. It may just be par for the course with this man, at this stage in his life.
Understand too, that Viagra and Cialis do nothing for libido. Zilch. That's not what they do. Low testosterone zaps it. He should be checked for that before anything else. It's a simple blood test, and if it's low it can be corrected.
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Thx for the correction there WyoNewk; I deeply appreciate it -- my apologies to you and to OP, as I did not intentionally mean to spread incorrect information.
I am 18 years younger than my husband. I am very attractive with a beautiful face, huge chest, small waist, and I am very sweet. My husband is 52 and does not seem to have the desire to have sex with me. I started out taking him by the hand and explaining why sex is a very important part of marriage and i feel we need to have more of it because it brings us closer together and It fills a need we have. He said he felt the same way. We have sex for a few weeks then back to 1 or 2 times a week. I have had the same conversation 3 or 4 timeswith the same result. Now I am at the point where I just complain about not having enough sex. I have suggested weekend away to spice things up. He says ok but never follows through. Also when we have sex i am in charge of positions, outfits,anything to make it exciting. He told me about a year ago he was going to be tested for low t but he did not follow through. I love my husband and want to have a good sex live with him. My question is are there other people in the same situation and how do you deal with it?
What exactly do you expect from a man that old??
Seriously, what was going through your head when you walked into a situation where you actually can foretell that Papa would sag little Papa down in a matter of a few days.
he is on high blood pressure and cholesteral meds.
HBP meds are libido killers and erection killers. Viagra is going to literally kill him with his heart problems.
People on HBP meds have a dilemma: to get off the meds to please their partners, and raise their BP to further deteriorate their health? Or, to stay on HBP meds and dissatisfy their partner?
Think of it, - it's a really tragic choice they have.
No amount of "talking about your needs" will help his somatic problems stemming from the meds.
The partners of HBP patients need to take a close look at their own values. Will they stay and know that their desires may never be truly met? Or discard the old bugger and look for a stud?
Seen the movie "Beautiful Mind"? The scene where she reaches to Russel Crowe in bed and he swats her away, - as a result of his meds. She has a fit in the bathroom, breaking the mirror, but she ascends to understand that she has to take what life gave her.
Of course, in our times everything is much more disposable.
In addition to the hypertension and cholesterol for which he is on medication (side effects of which I don't know), is he also physically overweight or out of shape? Does he smoke? Are there other stresses in his life? Is his health a stressful topic?
I think instead of looking for the answers to "fix him" by bringing his libido up to yours, which may be a losing battle and create resentment on both sides, maybe you can work together to find new & creative ways that he can meet your needs without expecting him to perform.
I'm sure you feel hurt and frustrated by all this, but I honestly don't think that his lower libido is a reflection on you at all or his love and attraction for you. It may just be par for the course with this man, at this stage in his life.
Thank you for your input. He is not overweight or out of shape. He does not smoke. I am starting to feel guilty about wanting sex more often. He does offer to "help me out" in other ways but it is not the same at all. There are chemicals released in your body when you have sex that are not released when you are pleasured other ways. guilt yuk
Not all high blood pressure medications kill the libido and different people will react differently. You husband needs to talk to his Doctor about the problem.
I am just about 52 and on high blood pressure medication. I think I would make you wish for some time out.
[quote=nuala;19407882]HBP meds are libido killers and erection killers. Viagra is going to literally kill him with his heart problems.
My husband has a private pilot's license. He has to have a physical every year to maintain it. They would not allow him to fly under a med that would kill him.
Thank you for your input. He is not overweight or out of shape. He does not smoke. I am starting to feel guilty about wanting sex more often. He does offer to "help me out" in other ways but it is not the same at all. There are chemicals released in your body when you have sex that are not released when you are pleasured other ways. guilt yuk
My intention certainly wasn't to make you feel guilty.
I completely understand what you're saying. I know in internet-land everyone has hundreds of "How to turn on your man" tips. That or they'll start making assumptions about how this is about you or your relationship and I'm just offering up a possibility that it has nothing to do with you and it may be just how he is.
Last edited by robee70; 06-01-2011 at 09:00 PM..
Reason: correction
No, no, don't feel guilt. By all means, let him "help you out" especially if he's willing!! Those chemicals can still be released in other ways, trust me!
And what Nuala said is dead on. It's exactly what I read when my 50+ bf started having those problems. I decided I'd rather have him around and healthy than satisfy my own needs.. then again, he's kept me pretty satisified
Have fun exploring new ways for pleasure! You will both be happy you did.
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