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My intention certainly wasn't to make you feel guilty.
I completely understand what you're saying. I know in internet-land everyone has hundreds of "How to turn on your man" tips. That or they'll start making assumptions about this is about you or your relationship and I'm just offering up a possibility that it has nothing to do with you and it may be just how he is.
I understand. Thank you. You did not make me feel guilty. It's just when I think about him not being able to help it I feel guilty for expecting more. I made myself feel guilty.
Do him and yourself a favor. Try not to explain it to him that way - the "well, now I know it's not your fault your sex drive is low and mine is high, I understand" way. Ouch. Just understand it for yourself and try new things with him that satisfy you both.. if that makes any sense. Good luck!
I am very attractive with a beautiful face, huge chest, small waist, and I am very sweet.
I am going to let that image burn into my brain for a while….
OK, I would tend to agree with folks who say medication could be the cause. But since you have sex once or twice weekly with no erectile issues, it does not appear to be a physical problem.
I haven't read all the posts, so perhaps this has been asked, and answered.
OP, do you expect your husband to initiate sex most of the time? Or do you initiate frequently? Age tends to lessen testosterone and correspondingly lessens the spontaneous desire for sex. However, even then, a come-on from you would probably be a turn-on that leads to sex. He may need foreplay and stimulation to get in the mood, and then be very, very happy to participate! This is true even if his testosterone levels are "normal" for his age.
On the other hand, if you expect him to set the mood and pace, you are more likely to be disappointed, because he may lack the spontaneous urge. It may simply not cross his mind to do anything about it because he's not feeling "horny", which is why after a period of trying, he slacks off. So, whenever YOU feel the urge, take charge. It may work wonders.
You picked a partner old enough to be your father. This problems should of spun through your brain long ago. He is suffering from poor health and you are worried how often you get some? Not exactly sweet if you ask me.
If he's 52 and using Viagra there must be an underlying issue, yes?
He does not need it for the 1 to 2 times a week but he has it because he is on high blood pressure and cholesteral meds.
BP and cholesterol medications are both notoriously toxic to the body. They do what they are supposed to do, but wreak havoc on the rest of the body. Sad thing is, I'd be willing to bet that his doctor did not discuss his diet, exercise, and other lifestyle choices he could make to lower his bp and cholesterol levels. The doctor most likely just wrote a script and that was that - such is the state of Western medicine.
I would bet the farm that if he looked into natural ways of fixing these issues, his libido would return. He should read a few books. I'd start him off with Never Be Sick Again, which discusses the toxicity of our environment and modern medicine, and have him take it from there. The benefits will not just be sexual. Those medications (along with whatever made him start taking them in the first place) are going to kill him prematurely.
Your husband is 18 years older and you're having sex twice a week? As he ages, the age gap broadens, and his sexual performance will probably decrease. Imagine not having sex at all, or not experiencing satisfaction when you do have sex. Enjoy the twice a week while it lasts.
jenna123, to the lesser folk here with their knee jerk reactions aside... I have to say you are very brave to voice this topic. I applaud your candor and bravery. I am your age so I won't try to pretend to know what a 50yo feels or is going through.
However an uncle of mine is almost there (47) and married a 20something lady. They are so much in love and he is very active in sex. Although not as much as when he was in his 20s and 30s of course. I have to ask, how long have you guys been married for before this began to be an issue? Aside from that all I can suggest for now is to use subtlety when setting the mood. Women have been known to be fussy about any little thing to ruin the moment. I tend to think older men might have a similar disposition when it comes to this too. Best of luck.
I'm 25 and my husband is 42 (17 year difference) and honestly, his sex drive is way larger than mine. We do have a 2 year old daughter as well, so I think that affects me and certainly limits how many chances we get. I'd say we average once a week if not less! (And we just moved across the country 4 months ago too so that's been a bit of an adjustment, and he works a lot more too. One day off a week.) I certainly make an effort to still satisfy him when I'm not in the mood for sex.
I would say that if you really love him and want to be with him, you have two options...
1) Use a vibrator. Maybe it will arouse him to watch you use it even?
2) Ask him how he feels if you have someone on the side just for that purpose. I wouldn't recommend this, or at least wouldn't do it myself. It could pose a risk to your marriage, even if all parties seem ok with it going in. You might regret doing it after the fact, he might lie to you about being ok with it, or he might even regret being ok with it. But if you want to stay with him, it's better to make arrangements than cheat on him (aka go behind his back). And hey, maybe just suggesting it will make him realize how important it is too you.
I am 18 years younger than my husband. I am very attractive with a beautiful face, huge chest, small waist, and I am very sweet. My husband is 52 and does not seem to have the desire to have sex with me. I started out taking him by the hand and explaining why sex is a very important part of marriage and i feel we need to have more of it because it brings us closer together and It fills a need we have. He said he felt the same way. We have sex for a few weeks then back to 1 or 2 times a week. I have had the same conversation 3 or 4 timeswith the same result. Now I am at the point where I just complain about not having enough sex. I have suggested weekend away to spice things up. He says ok but never follows through. Also when we have sex i am in charge of positions, outfits,anything to make it exciting. He told me about a year ago he was going to be tested for low t but he did not follow through. I love my husband and want to have a good sex live with him. My question is are there other people in the same situation and how do you deal with it?
The way you describe yourself says a lot about who you are and what you think of yourself. Are you an intelligent woman? Can you carry a conversation? Do you have any hobbies? Do you read? Do you know anything about current events? Politics? History? Do you attend any cultural events? What else do you have to offer other than being 34 years old with a huge rack and a sex drive?
There's a possibility he just doesn't have much of a sex drive anymore. It happens with some men over 50.
There's also the possibility he's bored. A pretty face and a huge set of boobs only goes so far. Some people need to be intellectually stimulated as well as physically stimulated in order to remain interested in a partner.
If it's his sex drive, get him Viagra.
If it's boredom, you have to be more than "a beautiful face, huge chest, small waist, and I am very sweet"
Good luck.
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