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He's sent her goofy little poems in the past, but this one was more personalized I guess..
I know they didn't actually have sex or anything, as it would of been physically impossible due to distance and her and I pretty much being together 24/7.
Do you honestly believe she would be as understanding about you having a relationship like this with a woman and writing her poem's, corresponding all the time, and faintly flirting??!?!?!?!?
You would lose half your stuff in a heartbeat. Women consider that cheating.
You seem to be rationalizing it as your fault?
Maybe you should APPROACH her about an OPEN MARRIAGE.????
She has fallen inlove with him..She may deny it...but its there..She isn't ready to risk ending the marriage because she isn't sure if it will work out with him...
Dont be surprised if she goes to him??
Do you honestly believe she would be as understanding about you having a relationship like this with a woman and writing her poem's, corresponding all the time, and faintly flirting??!?!?!?!?
You would lose half your stuff in a heartbeat. Women consider that cheating.
You seem to be rationalizing it as your fault?
Maybe you should APPROACH her about an OPEN MARRIAGE.????
But she's not the one writing him things. And this is the first that's more...direct.
Also he lives 1400 miles away now and they'll likely never see one another in person ever again.
Also I don't usually check her email but I saw his message there and was curious. It use to be we openly knew eachothers passwords and checked, but that faded away years ago and I think we both changed them since. I don't think she knows that I know her password, or check on her..
Should I confront her about the poem now, or wait and just check from time to time?
There wasn't anything else incriminating in her email. And I imagine she would just say "he wrote that, I don't control what he does.."
And she is talking to him less now, we're doing better, and we've had so many fights about him in the past. Should I bring it up...?
But she's not the one writing him things. And this is the first that's more...direct.
Also he lives 1400 miles away now and they'll likely never see one another in person ever again.
Also I don't usually check her email but I saw his message there and was curious. It use to be we openly knew eachothers passwords and checked, but that faded away years ago and I think we both changed them since. I don't think she knows that I know her password, or check on her..
Should I confront her about the poem now, or wait and just check from time to time?
There wasn't anything else incriminating in her email. And I imagine she would just say "he wrote that, I don't control what he does.."
And she is talking to him less now, we're doing better, and we've had so many fights about him in the past. Should I bring it up...?
I don't know which way this is heading dude, but the fact that you check on her is not good. I won't provide any advice as I don't know anything about you, but I think that is alarming.
You can find the OP in the dictionary under "SUCKER FOR PUNISHMENT" go read some of his other threads..............good lord dude- you are pathetic. ...........absolutely pathetic.
You can find the OP in the dictionary under "SUCKER FOR PUNISHMENT" go read some of his other threads..............good lord dude- you are pathetic. ...........absolutely pathetic.
The way forums generally work is people post problems they're having.
You're only reading the problems my relationship of 9 years have - not the good things.
The only two real issues we've had have been the building rudeness of her family over the past year since we moved back, and her friendship with this guy.
This was an old thread which somehow got responded to, the issues back then have largely been resolved (they don't talk nearly as much, our relationship is better and we spend much more time together)...except I noticed the poem and thought to ask about it here.
We get along great and our personalities still click and work well together. Neither one of us has slept with others, turned abusive, and we dedicated ourselves to bettering our education together before children...
We own our own house, make good money and work very well together. Considering we've been together since we were 17, I think we're doing very good.
"We had an incredible day together!" Isn't something that generally gets posted here...
You are looking for reasons to justify leaving... her friend, her family...etc. Just leave.
What reaction do you expect to receive when you tell her you've been poking through her e-mail? You obviously don't trust her, so what is the point of this marriage?
You either need to get into counseling or you need to end the marriage, because what you are doing is NOT healthy and NOT conducive to a successful marriage.
Stop wasting your energy taking steps to "catch" her doing something you suspect, you are just playing games. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart, tell her what your concerns are with the marriage and tell her you fear things are heading in the wrong direction and you think counseling could help. If she isn't receptive then you've got your answer....time to leave.
I'm sorry if I sound annoyed with some of the responses, but posts like this and some of H886 are why I'm frustrated.
In the other thread they're referring to I was complaining about my wifes family always coming over, the father expecting us to drop what we're doing and "come over for dinner!" every night we had off.
Even when we bought our first house together earlier this year and had our first "romantic moment" in it - guess who was outside sitting in his car with one of his daughters! "Haha, I suspected you two were having sex!" as he barges in with my 20 year old sister in law.
Or a few days later when my wife and I order food, start a movie, and are planning a night alone (in our first house together..) - guess who calls "get over here for dinner!" - ?? And guess who left her husband and went to have dinner with her father and sisters?!
The incident that marked my final straw with that stuff was when my sister in laws came to visit, we were all suppose to have food together later that night, but first they were going to go out shopping. Five hours later I call, apparently they picked up the father and went out to eat at a restaurant. They all came here afterwards, ignored me, acted as if everything was fine and they had a good time with drinks and all - so I sneak away and go upstairs to continue a project I was working on.
Because of THAT - I'm "childish" and "immature" ....
God forbid that despite seeing them thousands of times, spending thousands of hours together with them - I sneak away while they're here and go do an activity one time.. Apparently that makes me Childish and not ready for marriage..
All together, that thread backed up my suspicion that we badly need boundaries with her family! My wife and I sat down together, had a talk about it, and we've since passed on spending all our free time having dinner with them, or doing some activity. I no longer feel completely suffocated by them, which brings us to tonight, where we invited the sisters over and me cooking for them..
Ok, you have identified the whole reason your wife doesn't get it. She is from a family where indefinite boundaries are the norm. She is not going to recognize what she herself won't acknowledge. And, evidently she won't acknowledge what she does not have a perception of.
Her Dad, and the other siblings are without boundaries, she is w/out boundaries.....you are sort of in the middle of a very dysfunctional family.
You need to get both of you into counseling, pronto. If she won't go, walk away, because she will never change, and this friend, is just the start of other issues.
Boundaries,.... do some research online, healthy boundaries are hard to achieve, and almost impossible when you grow up in the kind of atmosphere you describe, i.e. shopping, going to dinner, totally forgetting about you and the previous plans, and then passive aggressively punishing you w/ ignoring you....like you are the problem. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. (first husband/family) Take care of you, read, get into counseling w/ or w/out her...Have a good life.
Last edited by JanND; 01-22-2012 at 05:54 PM..
Reason: sentence structure
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