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My Husband and i have been Together for six years ( married for 1 ). We have been trying to conceive for over a year with no results, I went to my Gyn who informed me that everything is good and ready to go on my end. I have asked my husband to go to his doctor and he keeps saying that he'll go when he gets around to it, needless to say he's been saying that since last year. While i have a 17 year year old daughter from a previous relationship, He has no children and has never even had a pregnancy scare. I do not want to come off as insensitive but we are not getting any younger, We are both in our mid 30's and talk about having children constantly. I love this man so much and would love to have his children, But i also love children and if that means having to adopt to add to our family then i'll do it, but he does not like when i talk adoption because he says we should have our own first. I feel if he loves me as much as he says he does then he should go to his doctor to ease my mind. Help ?
I'm a little older then your husband assuming he's in his mid-late 30's.
I think that your husband probably doesn't really want to have a child. I'm thinking from my perspective, you know you're getting a bit older now and if I really wanted to have kids, I'd be sitting in a docs office with a nuddie mag and a specimen jar.
It seems a little odd for you being in your mid 30's with practically a grown kid, I know 17 isn't grown, but for the most part there, for you to want to start over again at that age, cleaning diapers and all of the other things that go with raising a child, being in your 50's when they get out of HS.
IDK, perhaps I'm just a little biased as I don't have children.
Like some others have said, just sit down and have a heart to heart and find out if he really wants kids... cause if he did.... like I said he's be at the doctors office yesterday.
Last edited by Chowhound; 06-05-2011 at 12:15 PM..
Could be several factors at play. I think you need to sit down and have an honest talk with him, without making accusations.
-He may be intimidated by the doctor's visit itself. Some men are funny about things like that. It's quite common that women will go to the doctor at the first sign of trouble just to get it checked out, but many men will only go as a last resort. Plus, since this would involve talking about his junk with another guy and doing his business in a cup, it may be especially unappealing for him. Then, he may be insecure and emasculated about the idea that he's not virile. That's a hard thing for a guy to hear on a gut level, that their partner is fertile as can be and his little swimmers can't cut it.
-Or, he may not really be ready for kids right now. This may be a convenient excuse to avoid it. Yes, you guys already have your daughter, but she's 17 and about to be out of the house. He may not look forward to the idea of a new baby and 18 more years of child-rearing.
In any case, you two need to have an honest (but gentle) conversation.
Sounds like the mystery is already solved. You got checked and docs said you're just fine. Hubby is shooting blanks and chances are he may know he's sterile as well. Maybe he doesn't want to go through the formality of the tests (if if fact he wasn't tested before you ever met). Probably a good chance he doesn't want any children either.
Any chance he may have been snipped before you met and never told you?
Yes, that's right treat your husband like a child. Men obviously have no reproductive rights, god damn if you want a child you're going to get one. Who gives a **** if he doesn't want a kid, make that damn appointment and tell him he's going or no more sex. After all, you're a woman and what you say goes.
it is my understanding the sooner and younger you are able to address infertility issues the better chance at getting pregnant. talk to your husband, find out why he doesn't want to go. if it is just putting it off because he doesn't want to bother that is one thing. if, as others have suggested he doesn't want kids then you need to know that too. you have to start somewhere and a talk is the place
Yes, that's right treat your husband like a child. Men obviously have no reproductive rights, god damn if you want a child you're going to get one. Who gives a **** if he doesn't want a kid, make that damn appointment and tell him he's going or no more sex. After all, you're a woman and what you say goes.
In our relationship i do not and will never dictate what my husband does. I would never force him to do anything he is uncomfortable with.I also would never withhold being intimate with him because of this. What we have is a partnership and I respect my husband completely, I am just a lil confused because he talks about us having children, what they would look like and we have also picked out the names.
Maybe you talked about planning a family before you got married, and maybe you didn't. I suspect he has reached the age where he isn't as interested in having a baby in the home as you might think he is. Why do you think that his love for you enters into this? He would do this if he loves you and if he doesn't love you he wouldn't? That is rather silly on your part, don't you think? You need to find out why he is dragging his feet, bet his love for you has not bearing on it...
I don't feel that i am being silly at all... We've been together for 6 years and have talked about having children the whole time. My thing is yes i know he loves me very much and would do anything for me, So why not just take care of this thing that has been hanging over our head for a few years now. I have expressed my feelings to him many times saying no matter what the results say i am here to stay.
next time you have sex, have him ejaculate into a specimen cup and ice it. Set it up with your doctor so he doesn't have to actually go.
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