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We have been living apart now for 10 months.
Haven't got a divorce yet but have talked about it.
Wife tells me: It's not cheating if no one cares.
She knew I would care and yet she slept with someone.
She feels that she didn't cheat.
How can her night with this man not be cheating knowing that I would care.
We were married for 30 years before she left.
My live is so messed up.
And trying to deal with all this has been very stressfull.
Thanks
Yes, it's cheating. And I'm sure she knows it is...she's just being hurtful. Why do you suppose she thinks you wouldn't care? It sounds like to me that there is a lot of pain on both sides, but that's just my two cents.
Umm, yeah, she cheated, in the worst way, and she's being a ***** about it. "It's only cheating if no one cares" was just her way to stick it to you.. a second time.
I'm sorry that it hurts, and I'm also sorry that it's going to throw 30 years down the drain, but you deserve to be free of this bull****.
Did you set clear boundaries when you separated? Are the two of you still sleeping together? Have you been talking about getting back together? Sorry but I have to disagree with everyone else - you've been living separately for 10 months! She might have understandably been under the impression that a 10 month separation meant the marriage is over in all but title. It always hurts when someone we still have feelings for starts to move on before we're ready but it sounds to me like her moving out was a pretty clear indication she felt the marriage is over.
If I'm wrong and you two are still sleeping together and maybe she even lead you to believe that you'd be getting back together - maybe the separation was just a way to "start over" - then yes, she was deceitful and betrayed you by cheating.
After 10 months and if you haven't talked about re-uniting... she has the right to seek a new relationship... without knowing why you separated in the first place, when a person separates and needs companionship and there is no hope of the origianal relationship to every work again, it is not cheating. the marriage was only a title after 10 months if nothing was indicated there was a future... if the talks were about getting back together then it was deceitful like another indicated.
I don't see how this is "cheating". You have been separated for 10 months and are speaking about a divorce. She has obviously moved on. Time for you to do so as well.
As for people calling her names.... why??? After 10 months of not living together (and I'm sure many months more of no intimacy), don't you think she deserves to have someone in her life?
BTW, I wonder what people would say if this was the opposite --- if it was the man who slept with someone else and the female posting here? Would we have posts like "he's a man and that's what he has to do" or "men are different" or something along those lines?
If you both agreed to separate and have discussed divorce but NOT getting back together, it may "technically" be cheating, but only in the sense that any separated but not-yet-divorced person would be cheating. I think it's usually expected, even, and if you were resisting divorce before, this is your notice that she means it.
We have been living apart now for 10 months.
Haven't got a divorce yet but have talked about it.
Wife tells me: It's not cheating if no one cares.
She knew I would care and yet she slept with someone.
She feels that she didn't cheat.
How can her night with this man not be cheating knowing that I would care.
We were married for 30 years before she left.
My live is so messed up.
And trying to deal with all this has been very stressfull.
Thanks
NO..She is right...if your marriage was good or intact then you two would still be together.
Do you expect her to not be with anybody when you two are living apart..
Get divorced and live your own lives.
Im sorry this is happening but time to let go..
Did she cheat while you guys were separated, or before? Either way, I do think its cheating, since you thought that you guys might get together and hadn't gotten a lawyer for the divorce yet.
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