Seeing Attractive Women is Depressing (wedding, feeling, depression, accept)
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No, sorry. I'm not attracted to 300 pound women. I can be friends with a 300 pound woman, probably even best friends. And who knows what could happen after that. But initially, there is no way I would ask out a 300 pound woman on a date. It simply wouldn't happen. I have to be physically attracted to someone to want to go out with them. That's just simple biology. Until I were to meet a 300 pound woman and become friends, and then fall in love with her because of the "rest of the package," there is no way I'm going to be attracted to one.
Points for insight and honesty.
Everyone - EVERYONE - has preferences. In the world at large (and C-D in microcosm) you're going to encounter people that defend their OWN beliefs vociferously. If it means the use of the labels "shame", "sin" or "socially incorrect" they'll use them without a moment's hesitation.
That's why it is so important to be a balanced person - you NEED that core, that place of balance, to be able to deal with Life's encounters large and small.
For whatever reason (being an armchair psychologist for myself has been a fruitless pursuit these past years) I am STRONGLY attracted to small, voluptuous, usually-Puerto Rican women. My first girlfriends, my best friends in the industry, my mistresses and my ladyfriends - they've all been big in both the bust and the brain, packed into a petite-yet-hot package and backed up by gobs of brainpower.
It's just what I'm drawn to. It would be going against the Tao to pretend otherwise, and I try not to be one that does that.
I would suggest seeing a therapist and possibly consider medication. And I'm totally not being a jerk here I mean seriously though you may have some deep seeded anxiety issues.
I agree. But I haven't had the courage to seek out therapy yet. I'm scared of it. I've done therapy in the past, and it didn't work because I didn't really cooperate. So I don't want to waste my time and my money if I won't even cooperate with what they're trying to do.
I thought about calling a therapist last weekend and leaving a message asking for an appointment (one that I had looked up on-line) but I chickened out.
Everybody tells me I'm lucky I live in a college town and get to see all these beautiful college women every day. But I say it sucks more than they could ever know. I also say that those who say that it's great have no idea what it feels like to be alone and to feel like there's no hope you're ever going to have a date with someone who's attractive to you. I'm attracted to many women, but I'm not going to go out with someone who's 300 pounds. Sorry. I can't date someone who is completely unattractive to me.
Anyhow, those who say I'm lucky I get to see all these beautiful college women all the time are full of it and have no clue what it's like to be alone and have to see all these women all the time in short shorts. I can't wait until winter when they cover up and stay inside !
I gotta get out of this town ! But I can't because I got a job here and I burned all my bridges elsewhere. Man, I'm a dumb man.
Yes, you are a dumb man, but not for the reason's you think...
First off, looking at attractive women, or men, (I'm a woman) and love art, and always have, and man or women, if the person is attractive, so what...look for God's sake and admire they're beauty....
2nd, you sound very insecure, and you are projecting that attitude just by thinking that way, so of course your not going to date someone, for some reason, you feel like you don't deserve an attractive person....remember this, you and all of us date at our confidence level...which means, you are likely to choose a looser, b/c you don't feel like you deserve better.
3rd, YOUR not alone, first you have to learn to be comfortable with who you are, and pursue your desires and dreams, you have to learn to enjoy the company you keep within yourself, learn to go places alone and do things alone, it opens a whole new world up to you, for soul searching. You seem extremely negative, why? Why and who are you, is what you have to find out, and then try very hard to understand, what is it that makes you think so negatively about yourself.
You are starving for someone to come along and save you and it doesn't work like that...save yourself....no one can make you happy but you, and if your not happy, your going to sabatoge any relationship before it starts.
So, please, get some counseling, and start living life, and reinventing who you are....
I hear you. But I don't want to reinvent who I am. I am stubborn, and "proud" of who I am. I really do think I am going to call up a therapist in the near future. I've had enough of the depression I've been feeling. This year my depression has been worse than ever.
This was a helpful post, but trust me, I've definitely learned how to enjoy my own company and do things alone. I've been doing that for the past 17 years at least. That's part of why I'm so resistant to making friends. I enjoy doing things by myself, doing things my own way, and I don't want to have to do things somebody else's way and make compromises. Making friends and doing things with them means giving up absolute control of my own life, and I enjoy having absolute control. But I think it's gotten to the point where this absolute control over my own life that I enjoy is starting to drive me crazy. As a human being, I crave more social interaction. And this craving has been building over 17 years of life without friendships.
Check out his "Hopeless in State College" thread. No amount of advice is going to help him.
You are right. I am stubborn. But trust me, I do read the advice. And I am planning to re-read that thread as well. The good advice given on this forum is not falling on completely deaf ears.
I know what he means...I just can't comprehend that the sight of beautiful women would depress him more.....
Well, then. You just plain don't understand. I don't understand how you can't see that someone who is chronically single would be depressed seeing all the beautiful women he has no chance of ever dating. If you're happily in a relationship, or have recently been and know that you probably will be again, you just don't understand what I'm feeling. Sorry. You just don't. But thanks for trying to help.
Therapy isn't going to change who you are, it changes how you see the world and how you cope with your problems.
Why do you even post if you refuse to take any advice or responsibility for your life? What do you want from us? You've made your bed and you feel you have to lie in it, so why not move to Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan where women aren't allowed in public? Problem solved.
I don't want to refuse all help. I just do refuse help. I would like to accept people's help. But doing so hurts my pride, and I refuse to hurt my pride, which is probably one of my biggest problems. Pride has always been known to be a major character flaw. This is one example of why this is true.
Therapy isn't going to change who you are, it changes how you see the world and how you cope with your problems.
Why do you even post if you refuse to take any advice or responsibility for your life? What do you want from us? You've made your bed and you feel you have to lie in it, so why not move to Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan where women aren't allowed in public? Problem solved.
Also, it's only my frustration that longs for winter when women choose to cover up and stay inside. I would never want to live in a society where women are forced/expected to cover up and stay inside. I'm actually not a misogynist, in spite of some of the frustration I've let out in this thread.
I think women should be allowed to do whatever they want to do, and wear as little or as much as they want to. I know it's my responsibility to either not look or to be able to look without getting depressed about it. But I can't help getting frustrated regardless of knowing that all my problems are caused by myself.
I don't purposely choose to feel stubborn. That's the way I am.
So you're saying that Asperger's cannot be a cause of someone being shy and socially awkward/fearful ? Perhaps not everyone who has Asperger's is the same.
Regardless of whether I have Asperger's or not (and I did have 1 doctor diagnose me with that once about 10 years ago), you'll admit that I do have some kind of mental problem, right ? And that this mental problem is causing my social difficulties, right ?
Believe me, I read everybodys' posts, and I do consider them. And I really do think I'm going to seek therapy in the near future.
I hope it's a doctor's appointment. There is treatment of hypochondria...that is, if it wasn't self-diagnosed!
No, it was actually a social activity. I went to dinner and then a movie with a group of co-workers. But this was the first time I'd been invited to one of these activites about a year. We see nearly enough of each other at work, so we rarely do any sort of activities together outside of work. So it doesn't mean I'm getting all the social activity I need.
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But I can't because I got a job here and I burned all my bridges elsewhere. Man, I'm a dumb man. 
How about becoming a hermit living in a deserted island if you purposely feel that way. 
