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My ex-girlfriend and I over the past 3 months have reconnected and are just very good friends. Its been 2 and a half years since we have seen each other and this weekend we decided to meet up to hang out, catch upon old times and just have fun. I planned for her to stay at my place and she was cool with it. I introduced her to a friend of mine through Facebook and they have become cool friends. He lives in the same city as I but she now wants to sleep over his house. It botheres me because she tells me "I rather sleep over his house because he doesn't have family I'll feel more comfortable and he lives in abetter area". It bothered me a lot when she said that because it made feel as if she doesn't trust me or my family and she thinks shes going to be singled out in my area
because of her rocker/goth look. Which is a huge exaggeration and not the case at all. It bFfkes e because she lives in a slightly more ghetto area than I and regardless, neither area is terrible by any means.
It got me upset because when we were a couple I would stay over her place for days with her family. Theres no problems with her and ,y family and we're not going to really be around them much but I got a little offended by that statement. Plus, I have been talking her to coming down to visit and I'll take care of all her expenses and everything. So now she wants to hang with me and this guy at the same time, despite me introducing them, I don't know this guy THATwell and it'll be awkward for her to meet him in person for the first time and her and I catching up on stuff. I told her that how I felt about the whole situation and she feels like I am putting her on a guilt trip. She then tells me "Well, if you don't want to hang out with me this weekend then I will just hang with Tom." Which jmmakes me upset because I feel like a plan B and as if it doesn't matter if she hangs with me or not because she has her friend, who has his own place and will bw more convienient for her regardless.
I don't know if I am blowing this out of proportion but I am definitely not happy about it. Whatare your thoughts?
Sorry for the typo's I made this over my phone which was giving me hell. So I'll repost it (since I can't edit it for some reason now) The bold letters are sentences that were major typos in the original.
Here's the deal:
My ex-girlfriend and I over the past 3 months have reconnected and are just very good friends. Its been 2 and a half years since we have seen each other and this weekend we decided to meet up to hang out, catch upon old times and just have fun. I planned AND invited her to stay at my place and she was cool with it. I introduced her to a friend of mine through Facebook and they have become cool friends. He lives in the same city as I but she now wants to sleep over his house. It bothers me because she tells me "I rather sleep over his house because he doesn't have family I'll feel more comfortable and he lives in a better area". It bothered me a lot when she said that because it made feel as if she doesn't trust me or my family and she thinks shes going to be singled out in my area because of her rocker/goth look. Which is a huge exaggeration and not the case at all. It baffles because she lives in a slightly more ghetto area than I and regardless, neither area is terrible by any means.
It got me upset because when we were a couple I would stay over her place for days with her family. Theres no problems with her and my family and we're not going to really be around them much but I got a little offended by that statement. Plus, I have been talking her to coming down to visit and I'll take care of all her expenses and everything. So now she wants to hang with me and this guy at the same time, despite me introducing them, I don't know this guy THAT well and it'll be awkward for her to meet him in person for the first time and her and I catching up on stuff. I told her that how I felt about the whole situation and she feels like I am putting her on a guilt trip. She then tells me "Well, if you don't want to hang out with me this weekend then I will just hang with Tom." Which makes me upset because I feel like a plan B and as if it doesn't matter if she hangs with me or not because she has her friend, who has his own place and will be more convenient for her regardless.
I don't know if I am blowing this out of proportion but I am definitely not happy about it. What are your thoughts? I've always been very protective and took care of her when we went out and she always told me she felt safe around me. I feel like she might be distrusting me now or something. If her and this guy end up hooking up or whatever but there's just something about the whole thing that's itching me the wrong way. I'm not in love with her and don't want her back but I can't help but feel like I am being used kind of or that I am expendable...
So it's been over 2 years since you've seen her....and the first time you WILL see her again you are feeling slighted because your plans are not going all your way?...She just a friend...who cares where she sleeps, as long as you get to see her and hang out together.....remember, you are NO longer a couple, and it seems like you might be making a mountain out of a molehill.
. . . she tells me "I rather sleep over his house because he doesn't have family I'll feel more comfortable and he lives in a better area".
. . . I have been talking her to coming down to visit and I'll take care of all her expenses and everything. So now she wants to hang with me and this guy at the same
. . . "Well, if you don't want to hang out with me this weekend then I will just hang with Tom." Which makes me upset because I feel like a plan B
. . . I can't help but feel like I am being used kind of or that I am expendable...
It sounds like she's blowing you off. She agreed to stay & hang out with you, but then a "better option" opened up.
Friends don't usually bale like that. Sorry, but she wants to spend time with the new guy more than you.
People who change plans like that are the ones who'll stand you up and call with lame excuses. I wouldn't hold my breath on this one.
Thanks for the honesty people, I don't want any sugar coating.
Question for you Onglet, should I still hangout with her and be whatever about it? I don't want to let ego get in the way but I would feel like a sucker if I just was okay with it and shrugged it off. I also don't want and really doubt I'm going to hangout with her and some guy I really don't know that well, even though he is a cool guy (from the few times we've spoke). It's just the circumstances of her being my ex and not seeing her for a long time and then hanging out with a guy we barely know after reuniting. I don't mind if we were to hangout for a few hours together by ourselves but that's not the case...
It is okay to be nice and inviting but don't expect anything in return. That cuts down on blowing things out of proportion.
Of course. The ONLY thing I really wanted in return was for her to hangout with me, hence the reason I obviously invited her. I don't want to blow things out of proportion, and I feel I already have but at the same time my feelings about the whole thing just kind of overwhelmed me.
It's not even her being my ex. If one of my close guy friends, whom I haven't seen in ages, was to do the same thing to me, I would feel pretty upset. I'm sure most people would feel the same why I feel to an extent.
Of course. The ONLY thing I really wanted in return was for her to hangout with me, hence the reason I obviously invited her. I don't want to blow things out of proportion, and I feel I already have but at the same time my feelings about the whole thing just kind of overwhelmed me.
It's not even her being my ex. If one of my close guy friends, whom I haven't seen in ages, was to do the same thing to me, I would feel pretty upset. I'm sure most people would feel the same why I feel to an extent.
I know it is easier said than done, but, for your own interest, and NOT the interest of your relationship with this girl, accept that you made a mistake and move on.
It is normal to feel bummed when somebody doesn't want to hang out and you showed all of the inviting signs. However, expecting her to give back to you means that your intentions were to put her in your debt. Let it go. It is not in your interest to be this kind of person.
Thanks for the honesty people, I don't want any sugar coating.
Question for you Onglet, should I still hangout with her and be whatever about it? I don't want to let ego get in the way but I would feel like a sucker if I just was okay with it and shrugged it off. I also don't want and really doubt I'm going to hangout with her and some guy I really don't know that well, even though he is a cool guy (from the few times we've spoke). It's just the circumstances of her being my ex and not seeing her for a long time and then hanging out with a guy we barely know after reuniting. I don't mind if we were to hangout for a few hours together by ourselves but that's not the case...
Honestly, I don't think you should be hanging out with this girl at all, and this sentence explains demonstrates that. There is no need to torture yourself, or end up making a jack ass out of yourself. People often talk about remaining friends with exes and how great it is - well don't believe the hype! You don't have to stay friends. (And frankly, I treat my friends better than the way she treats you keep that in mind as you decide whether to keep trying to be "friends" with her.) This is not your first thread about this gal. Time to move on.
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