Is there any hope for this man to be straight? Probably not but I'll ask. (dating, girlfriend)

[Beilua Rose]

Damn it!


It's somewhat ironic, maybe it is karma, but I fell into the trap that I thought only caught the naive, desperate and self-conscious women. (Then again, I am somewhat naive, desperate and self-conscious so.. )


I fell for a gay man. Well, I should say an "assumedly" gay man.

The thing is, I really can't tell if the man is gay or not.


Yes, I will unfortunately admit that I am depending on stereotypes to guess whether this guy is gay or straight but it's not as though I can look at his DNA and confirm is orientation that way! (Let's not get into how homosexuality is a choice. There isn't an argument. Shall we move?)

I know that men in general have different levels of masculinity, just as women have different levels of femininity but WOW, who would have thought determining ones sexuality could be so hard.


There are many qualities that I am finding in him that I think may be "gay" that I feel can be a quality many straight men might have:

-He wears cologne
-Dresses nice
-Wears his pants and shirt somewhat snug
-His hair is always cut short
-He has relatively good manners
-Speaks really well and has a way with words and story-telling
-Works out


Qualities that are on Alert:

- Works out but doesn't seem to have a keen interest in sports
- Attractive, in mid-late 20's and does not have a girlfriend. I've never heard him mention anything about relationships with women.
- Casually looks at a good-looking man for more than 5 seconds but less than 1 minute.
- Sometimes "femininity" comes out in his voice but it's very subtle and it's usually when he's speaking with a group of women.
- Talks a lot and goes into depth with his stories, gives long, drawn out explanations and sidetracks and all..
- Always checks his clothes for stains or rubs off anything that looks dirty
- Seems to naturally enjoy himself around some gay men as though there is a connection



Qualities that are on Alert because these contradict his assumed orientation:

- Checks out attractive women for longer periods of time
- Sometimes comes across as emotionally disconnected when it comes to women and emotions
- The next one is stereotypical but, doesn't have any domestic skills like knowing how to prepare meals or do laundry..
- -Acts more masculine around straight men- with the lower voice and all..

[bobman]

Now, let me think, if only there was one sure fire way to find out the answer to such a question.

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

The thing is, I really can't tell if the man is gay or not.

Magic 8 ball ?
Tarot cards ?
Psychic ?
Palmistry ?
Divining rods ?
Wishing well ?
Endless hours of self-wondering and contemplation ?
Befriend a known gay and borrow their gaydar ?





OR YOU COULD JUST ASK HIM !!!!

[Beilua Rose]

Originally Posted by bobman

Now, let me think, if only there was one sure fire way to find out the answer to such a question.




Magic 8 ball ?
Tarot cards ?
Psychic ?
Palmistry ?
Divining rods ?
Wishing well ?
Endless hours of self-wondering and contemplation ?
Befriend a known gay and borrow their gaydar ?





OR YOU COULD JUST ASK HIM !!!!

You see, IT ISN'T THAT EASY!!!!!

How the heck am I supposed to ask him? Obviously, if he is in fact gay, he isn't comfortable enough to outwardly say it. I don't want to offend him if he is in fact gay. Remember when I said I do have an interest in this guy? Secondly, he may in fact be in the closet and me asking him may really ruin him, as in he may think, "Oh no, people are starting to find out I'm gay, what do I do?? How do I deal with this??" Then he will go in this deep, dark state of depression and.. possibly go down hill from there..

So, do you get why I'm asking this question???

[auntieannie68]

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

Damn it!


It's somewhat ironic, maybe it is karma, but I fell into the trap that I thought only caught the naive, desperate and self-conscious women. (Then again, I am somewhat naive, desperate and self-conscious so.. )


I fell for a gay man. Well, I should say an "assumedly" gay man.

The thing is, I really can't tell if the man is gay or not.


Yes, I will unfortunately admit that I am depending on stereotypes to guess whether this guy is gay or straight but it's not as though I can look at his DNA and confirm is orientation that way! (Let's not get into how homosexuality is a choice. There isn't an argument. Shall we move?)

I know that men in general have different levels of masculinity, just as women have different levels of femininity but WOW, who would have thought determining ones sexuality could be so hard.


There are many qualities that I am finding in him that I think may be "gay" that I feel can be a quality many straight men might have:

-He wears cologne
-Dresses nice
-Wears his pants and shirt somewhat snug
-His hair is always cut short
-He has relatively good manners
-Speaks really well and has a way with words and story-telling
-Works out


Qualities that are on Alert:

- Works out but doesn't seem to have a keen interest in sports
- Attractive, in mid-late 20's and does not have a girlfriend. I've never heard him mention anything about relationships with women.
- Casually looks at a good-looking man for more than 5 seconds but less than 1 minute.
- Sometimes "femininity" comes out in his voice but it's very subtle and it's usually when he's speaking with a group of women.
- Talks a lot and goes into depth with his stories, gives long, drawn out explanations and sidetracks and all..
- Always checks his clothes for stains or rubs off anything that looks dirty
- Seems to naturally enjoy himself around some gay men as though there is a connection



Qualities that are on Alert because these contradict his assumed orientation:

- Checks out attractive women for longer periods of time
- Sometimes comes across as emotionally disconnected when it comes to women and emotions
- The next one is stereotypical but, doesn't have any domestic skills like knowing how to prepare meals or do laundry..
- -Acts more masculine around straight men- with the lower voice and all..

pay more attention to the emotional disconnection as that is what will be a thorn even if he is straight

[zentropa]

Why don't you just ask him out?

[temptation001]

Ask him if he would like to go out to get something to eat one of these days. He might decide to fess up and tell you he is gay.

[bobman]

Of course it's that easy.

You don't need to be totally obvious, but make a joke of it or something.

If you think he's checking out men, then make a jokey remark about it and see what he says.

At the moment, you're over analyzing, and procrastinating, and you're going to get nowhere.
Even if he is straight, and you wait too long, he might get snapped up.

You snooze, you lose.

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

You see, IT ISN'T THAT EASY!!!!!

How the heck am I supposed to ask him? Obviously, if he is in fact gay, he isn't comfortable enough to outwardly say it. I don't want to offend him if he is in fact gay. Remember when I said I do have an interest in this guy? Secondly, he may in fact be in the closet and me asking him may really ruin him, as in he may think, "Oh no, people are starting to find out I'm gay, what do I do?? How do I deal with this??" Then he will go in this deep, dark state of depression and.. possibly go down hill from there..

So, do you get why I'm asking this question???

[Beilua Rose]

Why do people act like the human male mind is like a calculator which will give you definite and exact answers. It's not that easy. The male mind varies.. a lot.

[bobman]

Are you male ?

If not, how do you presume to know how the male mind works ?

Personally speaking, I'm male, and my experience is that men like directness.
We don't like subtlety, or hinting, or anything like that.
We just don't get it.

Have you seen this much used image ?


Pretty much sums it up.

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

Why do people act like the human male mind is like a calculator which will give you definite and exact answers. It's not that easy. The male mind varies.. a lot.

[purehuman]

So, have you been dating him?...I see pretty well ALL of those traits you've mentioned above in almost ALL of the "straight" men I know..Can't you just enjoy this mans company without trying to determine if he's gay or not??If you begin with a friendship with him, eventually you'll find out without having to ask, or wrack your brain trying to figure it out.