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He is military. He complains about being bored at work. But when it comes to chores at home, he is suddenly totally stressed out from work. But not to stressed out to go on trips, shopping, doing whatever, just nothing useful. Even when he was off for a month, he did not do anything. While I was cutting bushes, he complains that he is bored. I tell him to fix the cabinet, he is rather bored.
He makes ok money. I am not making that much, mostly working part time. We move alot through the military, that kinda ruins my career. Plus I have a German degree and education and speak no Spanish (we live in an area, where many employers require Spanish).
I just got a job, will start in August. I will work 6 days/week then for 8 hours every day. Plus college.
Cutting off sex doesn't work. He doesn't even notice.
Leaving him in his own stink doesn't work. He doesn't care.
A cleaning lady would not be here every day to clean up behind him. Daily maid is too expensive.
He doesn't care if I cook or not, he would suggest eating out. Eating out every day is too expensive.
Maybe I have a close mind and want to hear support from a therapist. But is it really too much to ask to do TINY CHORES? We don't even have children or a big house, there is literally only very few chores for him. I DO IT ALL MYSELF.
He says, I can't expect him to do chores after work. But most of the time he is bored at home. And he doesn't even work much. He is spending up to 8 hours/day on video games. If he would just spend 15 minutes PER WEEK on chores, I would be a happy wife!
He insisted of getting a house with garage to park his car in the garage but now he is too lazy to open the garage door ... and too lazy to install a garage door opener ....
A year ago his windshield wipers went bad. He bought new ones. They are unopened in his trunk. Every time it rains, he can barely see anything and he gets pissed. But not pissed enough to spend 15 minutes on changing the wipers ..
I went to a different therapist and he told me, my husband is in a depression. Great, what am I going to do with that knowledge??? I am getting depressed soon, too!!!
Has he changed, or was he this way while you were dating?
I told him, somebody (a guy) will come over to something that he should have done weeks ago, since it becomes a fire hazard and he was happy that he doesn't have to do it himself.
If this is true, either your guy is really depressed or not in love with you anymore. Either of those are something you cannot fix yourself.
You do know that grown men don't like being assigned "chores" right, nor being told what to do? He's in the military, his whole daily life is filled with chores and being told what to do. He is never going to respond to you trying to make his time off the same. Stop nagging and bossing him around.
So if you're keeping him around for the very thing that he refuses to do
This is funny, ironic, and yet so common. Reminds me of a novel I read recently. The girl was saying that she seeks comfort from the very person who's hurting her. That sentence made a big impression on me because that's done all the time!
Leaving is the only viable option. Either he will get worried about losing eve and shape up OR he won't change, but that's fine because she's already left and hopefully moving on.
Leaving is the only viable option. Either he will get worried about losing eve and shape up OR he won't change, but that's fine because she's already left and hopefully moving on.
Oh, I don't know about that... Both situations have their pros and cons.
This is funny, ironic, and yet so common. Reminds me of a novel I read recently. The girl was saying that she seeks comfort from the very person who's hurting her. That sentence made a big impression on me because that's done all the time!
I agree! It's like, why are you keeping him around?
So he can do X, Y, Z.
But he's not doing X, Y, Z and has made it clear he has no intention of doing them so why are you still with him?
You do know that grown men don't like being assigned "chores" right, nor being told what to do? He's in the military, his whole daily life is filled with chores and being told what to do. He is never going to respond to you trying to make his time off the same. Stop nagging and bossing him around.
I love how reminding someone of something they should have done on their own and without reminding is 'nagging.'
Do you think people LIKE to nag? Or do you think they feel doubly frustrated because not only does their spouse not carry their own weight but then they have to look like the bad guy?
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