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Your sister in law sounds to me like SHE'S the one that means everything to her.When she trivializes what you consider of importance in your life(vegetarion for one, your love of science)she is (i think) being purposefully condescending....and this is her own subtle way of showing you what she really thinks of you....Your senses are right on....trust them...be true to yourself.
About the wedding... just stay in contact with your MIL and help her in any way that you can. Don't do anything overboard that might offend your future SIL.
And about the SIL, just give her plenty of space. Perhaps in time, the two of you will grow closer. Maybe she feels competitive in regards to your MIL's affections and wants the be the best DIL to her. But who cares about stuff like that? But I think that once she settles into the family, she'll relax and stop saying such annoying things to you.
BTW how does your husband feel about her?
I can't stand my boyfriend's little sister and her husband. I also can't stand his older sister's husband. And I can't tolerate his dad... but my boyfriend can't stand any of those people either. Luckily, they are all in Florida and we are up in MA. I don't think that we have to get along with everything single family member. I go by that saying... you can pick your friends, but not your family. Otherwise, as long as your BIL is happy with her and she treats him well, that's really all that matters.
Weddings are wonderful but emotional (and sometimes tense) times - miscommunications can happen between even the closest of friends/relatives. Typical wedding stress is compounded for your SIL because she is planning everything from overseas - that has got to be tough. It sounds as though you two really don't know each other yet and have already crossed some wires....so I would be very careful about involving yourself in your future SIL's wedding plans. If possible lend a hand with minor/superficial tasks but stay w-a-a-y clear of the big stuff (ie: potential mine fields).
Try to get to know her better after the wedding but realize that it might take time for the two of you to form any sort of bond with one another. In the meantime, just continue to be respectful, polite and positive around her. Hopefully she'll do the same for you. Good luck!
Last edited by springfieldva; 06-19-2011 at 01:04 PM..
My future SIL (sister-in-law) is the kind of woman, on paper, that I normally love. She likes to rough it (camping and outdoor activities), travel, explore, etc. She's an amazing artist, has the best smile, and is super cute. But, there have been moments that I questioned; questioned if I were just paranoid or if she was digging at me. Maybe the former means I'm self-involved, which I've considered, but I tend to love women. I really do. I have a thing for women/sisters. My girlies here probably know this.
So, what has she done that's so bad? Nothing...on paper. The things that have bothered me were subtle, but they reached my core. For example, I'm an ethical vegetarian/wannabe pescetarian (for my dh, who is a dear, AC). When we first met she mentioned she was a former veg, but screw all that crap! bla bla with insensitive rhetoric. It hurt me. It's a sensitive subject for me and the extended in-law family knows this and are very accommodating. To be clear, I don't tell any of them what to eat, how, and when.
The next dig was about the sciences. I'm a scientist. I live it, breath it, etc. She used to be a bio major, but eff all that cr*p! bla bla, whatever comments. I felt a bit put down during that conversation.
Next up, we had a family get together soon after my brother died. I probably should have stayed home, but my dh's sister got married and my dh wanted me there. I understood and spent the week with his family. She was cold and aloof. Maybe she didn't know what to do with me. Maybe she doesn't know in general.
It's just this weird thing that I sense. Usually, ime, when I'm sensing something is off it is. So, now the wedding is coming. My BIL and her are overseas. The wedding is, as I'm understanding it from my MIL, going to be an off the cuff kind of event. My MIL is reaching out to me for help, which I will give 110% if warranted. I don't know if this woman wants it. I emailed her and my BIL. My BIL got back to me with an emphatic yes, we need help, etc. I've not heard back from her. Do I bother, do I not?
I guess this is just a vent. I'll bother for the sake of my extended in-law family. They're about as rocking as an in-law family can be. I love them. I just don't know if she'll be ircked or not. Just writing this out makes me feel a bit stupid. I have other things to worry about and here I am. Meh.
Here's the deal. If your brother loves her, then you better find a way to as well. Because she will be part of your life, like it or not.
About the wedding... just stay in contact with your MIL and help her in any way that you can. Don't do anything overboard that might offend your future SIL.
And about the SIL, just give her plenty of space. Perhaps in time, the two of you will grow closer. Maybe she feels competitive in regards to your MIL's affections and wants the be the best DIL to her. But who cares about stuff like that? But I think that once she settles into the family, she'll relax and stop saying such annoying things to you.
Maybe. She's been in the picture a long time. It's not a new thing. Again, we don't see her enough for it to make a difference in the day-to-day. It's the impending vacation that has it on my mind.
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BTW how does your husband feel about her?
My husband says 'what do you expect? she's just like my (his) brother, so they're perfect for eachother'. And then none of it bothers him one bit. My dh is the ying to my sensitive yang. LOL. He's so easy going and very little bothers him. Even if someone directly insults, like my step-dad who has done just that on a few occassions, he'll express annoyance in the moment and then lets it go. It's a great quality he has. I want to be more like him. I'm working on it, but it's not my MO.
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I can't stand my boyfriend's little sister and her husband. I also can't stand his older sister's husband. And I can't tolerate his dad... but my boyfriend can't stand any of those people either. Luckily, they are all in Florida and we are up in MA. I don't think that we have to get along with everything single family member. I go by that saying... you can pick your friends, but not your family. Otherwise, as long as your BIL is happy with her and she treats him well, that's really all that matters.
Indeed. That's all that matters. I'm sure they make eachother happy. They're a great couple.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
Here's the deal. If your brother loves her, then you better find a way to as well. Because she will be part of your life, like it or not.
Not my brother, my BIL. I know she'll be a part of my life, hence the thread- my way of figuring out how to approach the situation.
No offence but you wouldn't like me either. I don't care what anyone eats or why... but if they make a point to talk about it I make a point right back and it's not always supportive. I dunno, something about folks who have food issues bother me since I'm a foodie.
Mostly you don't have to love your future SIL, you have to be polite. That's what most families do. Me and my SIL have only spend one day in 30 years alone so it doesn't really matter what we think of each other.
agree. I dont know-some people need alot of love/acceptance. I am civil, and care about people who I am close to, but if they steal, cheat or lie, I really am not expending any energy on being a "people-pleaser" Its a waste of time.
If a person seems to be insulting you, they probably are. I personally think lifes too short, and there are plenty of other friends out there. I never needed acceptance from a SIL.
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The things that have bothered me were subtle, but they reached my core. For example, I'm an ethical vegetarian/wannabe pescetarian (for my dh, who is a dear, AC). When we first met she mentioned she was a former veg, but screw all that crap! bla bla with insensitive rhetoric. It hurt me. It's a sensitive subject for me and the extended in-law family knows this and are very accommodating. To be clear, I don't tell any of them what to eat, how, and when. 
