Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524
Even the best conversationalists can get tripped up when they continually have the microphone handed to them. Conversations aren't necessarily like a bouncing ball (I think I saw that analogy on this thread), they need to flow back and forth. Nothing should be abrupt and the "floor" shouldn't be thrust upon one party or the other. It should gently flow back and forth, allowing both parties ample opportunity to listen, share insight, and reference new topics as the interaction evolves.
I find that most people fall into one of two categories: the 20-questions category and the zero questions category. If you feel like you're interviewing your conversation partner, back off a bit and share your own thoughts. If you feel like you're becoming the center of attention, redirect the conversation so that it's enjoyable for both of you to participate. Listening is a big part of talking, and talking is a big part of listening. Most people only know how to talk, so someone who listens is a real gem (that's you CArizona!). Someone who listens and talks is someone that's always a pleasure to be around.
|
This is an excellent post!
CArizona, what I have found is that some people are always ready and willing to be in talking and listening mood when they are around other people. It could be that it is part of their personality and/or they were taught to behave a certain way around people.
For example, today I met up with a group of mothers I recently joined. I made myself mentally prepared to interact with other people. Since it was my choice to meet up with the group, I made it my responsibility to maintain a high expectation of my behavior, to talk and to listen well.
I ran into a group member in the parking lot, said hello and did not receive anything in return. I assumed she didn't recognize me so I continued on. We met again at the picnic tables where the group always meets, I said hello again and she returned a weak hello. I greeted her son and asked my daughter to greet him. She then told me that she didn't want him getting worked up. I responded that I understood, smiled the whole time and left to the playground. We did not return until other people showed up.
There are several explanations I can come up with in regards to her behavior. The most personal one is that she didn't like me or something I did, e.g. perhaps I was being too friendly to a stranger. I chose not to go that route because it changes how I behave and it makes me less aware of social cues.
I could also assume that she was not in a good mood, didn't really want to be there, is slow to warm up to people or simply didn't recognize me from the last time we met. In any case, she clearly had a different idea of how to behave when out in public. If she was acting uneasy towards me, that meant it was time for me to stop what I was doing and move on.
I returned when others showed up, interacted with them and the cold woman was no longer giving me the cold shoulder.
With my own daughter, if she is not mentally ready to speak with her grandmother on Skype, I don't make that phone call. I don't care how much MIL complains that she doesn't get to talk to her granddaughter everyday. I want my daughter to be on her "best" behavior when she does talk to her and that means being aware of what both people (daughter and MIL) are saying and doing. Sometimes, we are not in a mood to take on that task and IMO believe that we shouldn't. Some people make it a point to be alone when they are not in a mood to talk and listen, others go out and meet people anyway.
I hope I didn't go off topic by using personal examples. It is possible that you were taught to maintain a certain kind of behavior around people.