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View Poll Results: Do you beleive in abstinence?
Yes 17 28.33%
No 24 40.00%
Not a simple yes or no question 19 31.67%
I dont know..... 0 0%
Voters: 60. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-18-2011, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Ohio
13,951 posts, read 10,296,783 times
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Just to be clear, no, I did not not wait until marriage to have sex so if this hurts my credibility in your eyes, read no further if you wish.

Aside from the obvious reasons such as unplanned pregnancy, STD's etc. etc. which are widely known and largely ignored, I think it goes even deeper than that. Here areb some of the main reasons I think abstinence is a good idea { above reasons excluded }

Sex is a sacred thing to be experienced by two people who care for one another deeply. Its the ultimate expression of love.

Imagine that you and your partner had waited until you got married to have sex. This would eliminate many of the hangups that people face such as, is he/she good in bed? Had you waited until you found your soul mate to have sex, neither of you would have anything to compare the sex to, so, to the both of you, it would be the best sex that either of you literaly have ever had. Not to mention the "small problem" hang-up. If you had never been with a man before you would likely have no idea if your mate was big, small, or average because again, you would have nothing to compare it to.

What about those people who dont plan on ever getting married though? Should they sacrifice the joy of sex because they never plan on making that commitment? Ive always been a strong beleiver that you dont need a "license" to consider yourself married to somone, all you need is love. Even if you dont plan on ever making that commitment, you will likely find somone who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

So, when asked if I beleive in waiting until marriage, my answer would almost have to be.... yes and no

{ ATTN. please try and set all religious beleifs { or lack there of } aside on this topic. Not that they are not important, but I want to keep everyone on a level playing feild. }
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:28 PM
 
538 posts, read 1,253,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
{ ATTN. please try and set all religious beleifs { or lack there of } aside on this topic. Not that they are not important, but I want to keep everyone on a level playing feild. }
Er, aren't religious beliefs a HUGE part of abstinence in the first place?

That would be like saying "let's discuss our current politicians without discussing politics."
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,081,970 times
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I'm not quite sure what you mean... Yes, I believe asbtinence exists, therefore I believe in it. Do I think it's right for everyone? No. Was is right for me before marriage? No. Do I respect people's decision if that's what they choose? Sure.
As for waiting until marriage getting rid of many problems - I also know of couples that waited and have a horrible sex life. You don't always need something to compare it to to know that it's bad.
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:29 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,258,516 times
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I am not a proponent of abstinence in any way, shape or form.

Sex is to be enjoyed, it isn't something you 'give' to your man or women, it is an expression of your love or even more base, a need to be fulfilled.
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,342 posts, read 17,563,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Sex is a sacred thing to be experienced by two people who care for one another deeply. Its the ultimate expression of love.

Imagine that you and your partner had waited until you got married to have sex. This would eliminate many of the hangups that people face such as, is he/she good in bed? Had you waited until you found your soul mate to have sex, neither of you would have anything to compare the sex to, so, to the both of you, it would be the best sex that either of you literaly have ever had. Not to mention the "small problem" hang-up. If you had never been with a man before you would likely have no idea if your mate was big, small, or average because again, you would have nothing to compare it to.

}
Sex can be sacred, or it can be a basic biological function.

You could still be unhappy sexually with your partner, even if you have no other experience. Or, probably more likely, you may wonder what you've missed by only being with one person, and go find out.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:17 PM
 
Location: FLG/PHX/MKE
7,289 posts, read 12,847,409 times
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I'm going to vote "not a simple question", simply because it's an individual decision.

Edit: I think abstainers are missing out, but that's just me.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
26,751 posts, read 57,702,620 times
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The main issue here is about consciousness that there ARE choices and then to make those choices in a considered way... rather than "merely" acting on the physiology and biology. That consciousness can occur rather early for some ranging through not at all for others. Choose well.

The other issue here is about the education and sharing of experience. To make easily available ALL OF THE actual and correct scientific information related along with the emotional content.

Neither of these issues are in any way served by or need to be confused with any sort of religious or moral rationales that might impact these choices for some.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
9,619 posts, read 12,768,008 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Sex is a sacred thing to be experienced by two people who care for one another deeply. Its the ultimate expression of love.
It can be. It can also be the ultimate expression of lust.

I don't think it's "sacred" for the simple reason that I don't believe in god, at least not in any conventional sense. I know you hoped to avoid bringing faith or spirituality into it, but I do think that spirituality plays a large part of it; someone who's a devout Christian or Muslim will likely have a vastly different view on the matter than an avowed atheist.

Quote:
Imagine that you and your partner had waited until you got married to have sex. This would eliminate many of the hangups that people face such as, is he/she good in bed? Had you waited until you found your soul mate to have sex, neither of you would have anything to compare the sex to, so, to the both of you, it would be the best sex that either of you literaly have ever had.
No. Huge logical fallacy. This doesn't make any sense at all. If you'd "played the field" so to speak, you'd know whether your spouse was good in bed or not, and it wouldn't be a question!

I've known plenty of people who have saved themselves for marriage, had sex, and then spent subsequent years wondering if sex was really that much better with someone else. This is a fairly common reason that I've encountered for otherwise chaste, morally-upright people being unfaithful or divorcing... the question of "what if?"

Quote:
Not to mention the "small problem" hang-up. If you had never been with a man before you would likely have no idea if your mate was big, small, or average because again, you would have nothing to compare it to.
And again, that makes the question more apt to linger!

What if she's having a moment of weakness and decides to look at some porn online, and then is like, "oh man... wow... wow..."? She'd never had an experience with a 16oz beercan getting rammed up there and has no idea what it's like - but she's now curious if it's more enjoyable than sticking a half-eaten Oscar Meyer up in there.

Quote:
What about those people who dont plan on ever getting married though? Should they sacrifice the joy of sex because they never plan on making that commitment? Ive always been a strong beleiver that you dont need a "license" to consider yourself married to somone, all you need is love. Even if you dont plan on ever making that commitment, you will likely find somone who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.
Many people don't or can't; to them, "marriage" and "lifetime partnership" are synonymous and they just aren't cut out for them. Are you suggesting they never, ever explore their sexuality because they don't fit in a monogamous relationship?

I think it's a deeply personal choice how one chooses to live their sexual life as an adult. Do I believe in abstinence from a personal standpoint? Absolutely not. Do I think it's a virtuous thing to pursue? Not in the least. Do I hold people who choose it in contempt? Absolutely not.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:31 PM
 
1,754 posts, read 1,992,555 times
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I kind of wished I would have waited. Would make my fiance all that more special.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,833,707 times
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I voted "Not a simple yes or no answer", because there are just too many variables involved. For example ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Sex is a sacred thing to be experienced by two people who care for one another deeply. Its the ultimate expression of love.
I know we're not supposed to mention religion, but how can something be "sacred" without bringing out at least a glancing acknowledgment of spirituality / religion?

Quote:
Imagine that you and your partner had waited until you got married to have sex. This would eliminate many of the hangups that people face such as, is he/she good in bed? Had you waited until you found your soul mate to have sex, neither of you would have anything to compare the sex to, so, to the both of you, it would be the best sex that either of you literaly have ever had. Not to mention the "small problem" hang-up. If you had never been with a man before you would likely have no idea if your mate was big, small, or average because again, you would have nothing to compare it to.
What if you don't believe in soul-mates?

People have preconceptions of what sex is going to be like. Unless you are raised for the first 18-20 years of your life in a bubble, you will have been exposed to TV, radio, DVDs, Net, interaction with your peers - all of which will lead you to form ideas of what sex "should" be like.

"Small problem"? Again, all you need is Net access to discover the "average" length of a penis.

Quote:
What about those people who dont plan on ever getting married though? Should they sacrifice the joy of sex because they never plan on making that commitment? Ive always been a strong beleiver that you dont need a "license" to consider yourself married to somone, all you need is love. Even if you dont plan on ever making that commitment, you will likely find somone who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.
Although I agree in spirit with most of this paragraph, the bolded part caught me up short. MANY people (a few of whom can be found in this forum) NEVER find their "special someone".


Quote:
So, when asked if I beleive in waiting until marriage, my answer would almost have to be.... yes and no
Here again I agree - hence my poll answer.
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