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I think that's a valid explanation. At the same time, it's bit of a double standard. Women detest being objectified because of their looks, but socialization deems it okay to objectify men by what they do for a living.
For example, at the same client office, one woman starting dating a guy who was a hunting guide. When she mentioned that, you could see the expressions change for an instant among the other two women--a totally different expression than if the woman announced her new boyfriend was a partner at an established law firm. Then they started rationalizing it, saying things such as, "Well, that's cool that he does that, as long as he enjoys the work...."
So then, how do your male coworkers describe their new girlfriends? Do they also start with, "well, she's a dental hygienist"? Do they describe what she looks like, or do they start with personality?
So then, how do your male coworkers describe their new girlfriends? Do they also start with, "well, she's a dental hygienist"? Do they describe what she looks like, or do they start with personality?
For the same reason that "What do you do?" is one of the first things people ask when meeting someone new. Many people see themselves as how they make a living. Sad, but true.
As an experiment, the next time one of your friends asks about a new person in your life, don't say what they do for a living. Watch people's reactions.
Oh, I hate that question. I always have.
Nowadays, when somebody asks, I usually say, "Mostly I import marijuana, but I occasionally diversify into making porn."
Its a pretty simple question. Ladies, does what a man do for a living increase the odds of you dating him?
I think the idea is more that lots of women like status because they think that being attached to someone who has "high value" will make them happy. Doesn't always work out that way, so I think their opinions can change as they get older, but I don't think the idea that women like status is a generally incorrect generalization.
Not specifically what his occupation is, but drive and ambition was certainly one factor that I found very attractive in my husband. Although when we met, we were both still students and neither of us hat yet achieved any particular status.
For the record, when I found out my brother-in-law started dating a new girl recently, the first thing I asked my husband was - What does she do?
I also think that in this day and age, our careers define us a lot more than they used to. I think in generations past, people often followed in the footsteps of their parents. People also worked at one company for their entire lives. Their lives weren't as defined by what they did because many did not have the choices that they have today. Now, people are more free to explore and choose a career that is more suited to them. So I think that today, our careers are more of an indication of who we are as people than they used to be. Just my two cents.
But like I said before, for me, I was looking more for compatibility than status. I used to get asked out by all sorts of guys but I've only had serious relationships with guys in the same kind of business as I am (peformers, musicians, stage hands). And also something to think about - when I was working at the front desk of a high end gym in between shows - I would get hit on by doctors, lawyers, etc. all the time. Now, some of them knew that I had a college degree and that I was only working at the gym because it allowed me the flexibility to audition during the day. However - many of them did not know this. So why were they hitting on me? Was it my sparkling personality?
There are always going to be men that are only interested in looks and there are always going to be women only interested in money. And to be honest, there are also going to be men only interested in money and women only interested in looks. Does it really matter? Finding the right person isn't about what kind of people all the wrong people are.
I've always wondered how consultants make so much money compared too the usual 8-10 hour gig, get paid to give advice... high clientelle? Big firm with many clients? Sounds exciting! Anyway, from experience I've always been asked what I do for a living, its usually an ice breaker for these women but now it sets off a red flag in my head. It's never a simple introduction, but a quick game of 20 questions before she decides if I'm worthy of her company.
Now I turn it around without having to explain myself. Give as little financial information as possible until they get tired and move on.
Last edited by Cyber Surfer; 06-21-2011 at 12:03 PM..
"no-clown dating rule", that is sooo funny Now these are good examples! My ultra creative friends seem like they have the most difficulties with relationships, not all but they seem to be most..Dynamic!
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I'm an Aerospace Engineer and a good friend of mine is a Lawyer, We tried this at the bar a few times as a "Social" experiment. We identified ourselves as a dishwasher and a Janitor to the woman we met. Even though I think a Janitor is higher on the food chain than a Lawyer he was rapidly shot down when he identified himself as a janitor. I was also ignored as a dishwasher.
Conclusion: People will say they have no preference for a persons job when in reality they do. It is a reflection of who you are and where you are going in life.
Aerospace Engineer is way sexier than lawyer. I've always liked the sciency types, so I married one. On the flip side, tho, I've felt a little weird sharing my current occupation (scientist) with some males. I've gotten some blank looks. I could have been paranoid, since I tend to be sensitive with folk, but it has been uncomfortable from to time.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
I would agree with that, because men tend to be herded down the career path in ways that women are not. For example, if a woman decides to quit her career to raise children, that's considered to be a valid and acceptable thing. If a guy decided to do that, society would look at him askance.
Hopefully, that's changing. I have two anecdotes. A colleague where I work just starting working last summer after taking off ~4 years to be a SAHD and my cousin, who was a high-powered attorney, is a SAHD. He really hated his job, tho, so that might have played into it.
It doesn't really matter to me what occupation they hold, as long as they're an active part of the community, holding a full time job and being responsible. I certainly wouldn't want to get involved with a slacker living off tax payer funds.
On the other hand, because of my past career it made sense for me to be involved with someone in the same line of work. It's high stress, high demand, and it's what I grew up with since my father was in the same field. So it was just natural for me to be with someone in that line of work. I dated guys with 'boring' jobs (accountant, teacher, etc) but it never worked out. It's hard when you go home and you're not allowed to talk to your SO about your day for legal reasons. Wound up marrying a co-worker and it was the best thing I ever did.
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It hardly ever is.
he was rapidly shot down when he identified himself as a janitor. I was also ignored as a dishwasher
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