Are You Happily Married? (dating, wife, long distance, marriage)

[Garfunkle524]

When I hear about marriages it's always doom and gloom. Quite frankly I'm a bit hesitant to get married one day. This is not because I'm a commitment-phobe like many men my age, but because so many marriages fail and so many more are miserable. I've seen very few couples that are still happily married after a few years. It troubles me that so many with good intentions pick the wrong person or how many people blatantly take advantage of their spouse (cheating). There's got to be more good marriages out there than I've seen, because I've seen next to none.

So how about you? Are you happily married? How long has your marriage lasted? Do you think you can "go the distance" so to speak?

[Djuna]

Yes we are.

Long distance romance, I was in Australia, he was in America. Both of us moved countries for one another. He is younger than I am. The odds were stacked against us in many respects but we felt this instant connection that we really wanted to explore. We're one another's best friend and lover. Six years later we are still in love, still do everything together, still fall asleep next to each other and still very, very happy.

[TaoistDude]

I can understand your concern. With so many marriages failing, and so many more that just aren't happy, it's a risky proposition. My first marriage lasted well over 20 years, and it wasn't happy from early on. From some perspectives it was a success, just not in personal happiness and fulfillment. In terms of raising a child, and in financial aspects, it was fine. Still, it was a tremendous relief to end that one. After awhile, though, I decided to give marriage another go with someone truly compatible, and this time I'm confident I got it right - which mainly comes down to finding someone who really is compatible in all important ways. We've been together over 11 years, and fully expect to be part of the that 5% minority (out of all marriages) that is truly happy together after 20 years.

Even many bad marriages start out happy for many years, so that may be enough for the time it lasts. And of course many people don't marry and have the same relationship experiences in terms of happiness or horror that married people do. I wouldn't avoid commited relationships, but I'd suggest being slow to marry and be sure of compatibility first.

[Garfunkle524]

Originally Posted by TaoistDude

Even many bad marriages start out happy for many years, so that may be enough for the time it lasts.

This seems to be the new prevailing attitude. I'm still going to do whatever I can to join the 5% happy club though. Dealing with the stress and unhappiness of an unhappy marriage (best case scenario) isn't exactly in the plan. Dealing with the pain and emotional turmoil of a hateful marriage isn't part of the plan either. I'm sure for most people it is not, but I'm going to do everything I can to keep my relationship with my one-day wife as strong as it can be.

[Ulysses61]

I'm happily married, always have been, for decades. Every marriage has its ups and downs, however, it's never a panacea.

The problem is that so many people marry for the wrong reasons and marry the wrong person. Marry your best friend and you shouldn't have many problems. It's not rocket science. A lot of people marry because they have great sex (and I'm not knocking that). But if you're having mindblowing sex with someone who can't talk to afterwards, believe me, it will not last.

The most important component of a happy marriage? A shared sense of humor. The ability to laugh together is a HUGE deal in a marriage. Having things in common, loving to spend time talking and listening to them. If you can't do that while dating your S.O., then they're not the person to marry.

[Checkered24]

I have seen and had the same fears in the past, but am engaged now. For this time and moment, I know my fiance is the right person for me!

I just decided I would hate to miss out on what could be a wonderful marriage to someone I do love very much, because there is a chance it could end in divorce. The statistics say there is a 50/50 chance, but I know far more happily married couples than divorced individuals. I want to follow their example.

(Of course, my fiance is divorced. Her first husband is from another country, and used her to sponser him and marry him so he could stay in the US... almost immediately he started cheating on her. It is an extreme set of circumstances).

[cpg35223]

20 years this past April. I'm even happier in year 20 than I was in year 1.

She is my reason for living, the wind beneath my wings, the butter to my bread, my breath, my soul, my salvation, my hope. She is all things, my better half, my inspiration, and then some. She is the first thing I want to hear in the morning and the last thing I want to hear at night. My sole regret in life is that I didn't meet her sooner and my one hope in life is that I never have to live a minute without her. She has been patient with my worst and helped me be my best. She is wise and kind and creates beauty, love, and grace wherever she goes. I never fail to be astonished that she chose me and I live my days with gratitude that she did.

[D. Scott]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

20 years this past April. I'm even happier in year 20 than I was in year 1.

She is my reason for living, the wind beneath my wings, the butter to my bread, my breath, my soul, my salvation, my hope. She is all things, my better half, my inspiration, and then some. She is the first thing I want to hear in the morning and the last thing I want to hear at night. My sole regret in life is that I didn't meet her sooner and my one hope in life is that I never have to live a minute without her. She has put up with my worst and helped me be my best. She is wise and kind and creates beauty and love wherever she goes.

I have never been married, but I had to rep this OP for such a great written tribute to his wife.

[Garfunkle524]

Originally Posted by D. Scott

I have never been married, but I had to rep this OP for such a great written tribute to his wife.

Haha same here. Hopefully I feel the same about my wife one day.

[evilnewbie]

I am happily married but just don't let my wife know, she probably try to wreck it...