I don't believe in romantic love. Does that mean I'll never find it? Yes. (wife, long-term)
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So how long does "love" last? Does it wither away when your wife starts getting wrinkles and a saggy bum. Or is it when your husband starts to bald and gains some flubber in his mid-section? Maybe it's when you find someone more attractive and younger, who may conveniently offer you more.
How can love disappear when long distance relationships do not work out? Isn't love powerful enough to overcome all of those obstacles?
Why do we have to "work" on love when in a long-term relationship? Is it because romantic love becomes non-existant and there needs to be ways to form a union w/o romantic love? Is it because it would be more convenient to just stay in a relationship than to meet someone else and go over the whole process of learning who they are and who they think you are again?
Sure, the divorce rates are "declining", although do they mention anything about the infidelity rates? I doubt those are lowering, or even stabilizing.
You can call me cynical and even pessimistic. Although I'd like to think of myself as a realist.
Romantic love is a synonym for delusion. Romantic love is convenient in times of grief, happiness, curiosity and frustration. Emotions never last for long periods of time. And neither does love.
I can actually see where youre coming from. Many people will probably say "you just haven't found them yet. It'll happen." That's not always the case. Sometimes people never find "the one for them" and they're okay with that.
Well, yes...science has shown that after a couple of years, all those endorphin-induced sensations slake off...then we tend to say that the feelings are replaced by more 'mature,' deeper love. Um, which may be some selling point to keep couples together or something. I think that at that point, you become habituated to each other, so the idea of loss becomes painful. Explains to me why people have a hard time leaving relationships that aren't working anymore.
Which of course brings us back to the best advice on a relationship you'll ever get on this forum - marry your best friend.
Well, yes...science has shown that after a couple of years, all those endorphin-induced sensations slake off...then we tend to say that the feelings are replaced by more 'mature,' deeper love. Um, which may be some selling point to keep couples together or something. I think that at that point, you become habituated to each other, so the idea of loss becomes painful. Explains to me why people have a hard time leaving relationships that aren't working anymore.
Which of course brings us back to the best advice on a relationship you'll ever get on this forum - marry your best friend.
Yes, that's where I say it becomes more convenient. That's why many choose to stay with eachother, out of a habitual connection and convenience.
To answer your question seriously, scientists have been studying "love", and it's pretty agreed that the actual chemical process of falling in love lasts for somewhere between 18-24 months on average.
After that, it doesn't come "naturally" to us, and yes, of course we have to work at it, but it doesn't mean love doesn't exist, it is just a different type of love.
Think of the love for a sibling, it's slightly different from romantic love, but if our sibling moves away for a while, do we stop loving them ?
Do we "get over them" ?
No, of course we don't.
So why should we with a partner ?
Love lasts as long as we want it to.
Nothing grows without nurturing.
So how long does "love" last? Does it wither away when your wife starts getting wrinkles and a saggy bum. Or is it when your husband starts to bald and gains some flubber in his mid-section? Maybe it's when you find someone more attractive and younger, who may conveniently offer you more
It probably wasn't true love if you no longer love your SO because they aged and are just a shell of their former beauty and youth.
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How can love disappear when long distance relationships do not work out? Isn't love powerful enough to overcome all of those obstacles
Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder...too much absence will make it grow fonder for someone else. That can be said of long distance relationships, or one in which you live with and see one another each day yet barely exchange a word.
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Why do we have to "work" on love when in a long-term relationship? Is it because romantic love becomes non-existant and there needs to be ways to form a union w/o romantic love? Is it because it would be more convenient to just stay in a relationship than to meet someone else and go over the whole process of learning who they are and who they think you are again
It's work because somewhere along the way there are compromises and sacrifices to be made. If only one person is doing all the compromising and sacrificing sooner or later there will be an expiration date. If no one is making any compromises it comes to a screeching halt.
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Sure, the divorce rates are "declining", although do they mention anything about the infidelity rates? I doubt those are lowering, or even stabilizing
The more things change the more they stay the same. I doubt infidelity rates are changing. There may be new methods of attaining a discreet partner, but I think the numbers are fairly unchanged.
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You can call me cynical and even pessimistic. Although I'd like to think of myself as a realist.
Romantic love is a synonym for delusion. Romantic love is convenient in times of grief, happiness, curiosity and frustration. Emotions never last for long periods of time. And neither does love.
Disagree with me? Let me hear your side
You raise some interesting points. Romantic love as you say, is often fleeting, delusional and fickle. More accurately, it is defined as infatuation, not true love. The infatuation stage can last a long time and is often mistaken for love.
I don't believe in romance and have never been a romantic... my wife does and lets me know all the time with her yelling.... either a guy is into the romance thing or they are not... you can't change them into something they are not... seriously, my wife has tried many times...
I can actually see where youre coming from. Many people will probably say "you just haven't found them yet. It'll happen." That's not always the case. Sometimes people never find "the one for them" and they're okay with that.
Agreed with MoonPrincess. And a very sad phenomenon, when it happens
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